last Page 13 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Last Night's Winner: Dumb, Vaguely Crooked Proposals To Preserve Our Quaint Ideal Of Amateurism
The hot new idea being bruited by the Coalition Of People Who Take Amateurism Seriously (Sponsored by Nike) is to levy "post-NCAA financial penalties" on professional players who ran around with agents during college, which is like the whorehouse fining the whore....
Weekend Winner: The Guy Who Won A PGA Event With A Goddamned Hole-In-One
Going into the fourth sudden-death playoff hole, tied with two other players, Jonathan Byrd teed off. That was all he needed....
Last Night's Winner: Roy Halladay's Junk
The Giants had a chance to shut the door and go back to their second World Series this decade, but Roy Halladay befuddled them. This despite what one writer so wonderfully characterized as a "barking" groin....
Last Night's Winner: Buster Posey's Seasoning
Posey happened all over the place yesterday—4-for-5 and a play at home that was something like full-contact jai alai—and it reminded us that once, before the media began handing out Fields Medals and MacArthur Grants, Brian Sabean was an idiot....
A Yankee Stadium Memory: "Their Look Didn't Say, 'Shut Up.' It Said They Wanted To Kill Me."
The following is taken from Bronx Banter Presents: Lasting Yankee Stadium Memories, edited by Alex Belth and featuring recollections of the old ballpark—sorry, stadium—from the likes of Pete Hamill, Charles P. Pierce, and Joe Posnanski. Bob Costas has something in there, too, I guess. Here, the grea...
Last Night's Winner: The Continued Glorification Of Brain Mushification
The NFL says they want to cut back on concussions, and step one is punishing helmet-to-helmet hits. Step two is professionally matting and framing a handsome photo of those brutal hits, and selling it to you!...
Last Night's Winner: None More Black (Quarterbacks)
After Vince Young and David Garrard exited with injuries, week 6 saw only three black QBs finish the game for their team — easily the lowest number since people started noting this sort of thing. Maybe Rush Limbaugh is last night's winner....
Weekend Winner: The New Human Cockfighting
DeSean Jackson has memory loss. Dunta Robinson sustained a head injury of his own. Zack Follett got carted off the field and was in bad enough shape that the fact that he could feel his extremities counted as great news....
Last Night's Winner: Ines Sainz, Shrinking Violet
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Ines Sainz, who never wanted to be famous. That's why she held a big look-at-me press conference to announce some things sure to get her back in the news....
Last Night's Winner: David Stern's Excessive Complaining
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like David Stern, who, in advance of NBA labor negotiations, is making vague Rovian noises about cracking down on "excessive complaining."...
Last Night's Winner: Gilbert Arenas's Minor Act Of Treason
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Agent Zero, who had managed to stay away from controversy for a whole five months, until he admitted he faked an injury to give a buddy some PT....
Last Night's Winner: The Guy At ESPN Who Decided This Brett Favre Graphic Was A Good Idea
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Monday Night Football production crew, which broke out the party font because an aging hornball reached a meaningless round-number milestone....
Weekend Winner: Big Ten Gamblers And Conspiracy Theories
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Wisconsin Badgers, who were up 25 with 6 minutes left, and went for two. It didn't please Minnesota, but it pleased some people with money on the game....
Last Night's Winner: The Reporter Who Asked Brett Favre About His Wang
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Brian Costello of the New York Post. If Brett Favre furnished us with his cock, then Costello rounded things out with an enormous set of balls....
Last Night's Winner: Mossholes
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like all those "Patriot Way" fetishists in New England, now freed from the tyranny of watching the greatest deep threat the NFL has ever seen....
Last Night's Winner: The Greatest Hitter In Japanese History, This Ginger Kid
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Japan's new all-time single-season hits leader, Matt Murton. Yes, the same Matt Murton who washed out in Chicago, Oakland and Colorado....
Weekend Winner: The Morons Of The NFL
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Andy Reid, Jim Caldwell and Nate Clements, who proved that of all the metrics and intangibles required for NFL success, having a single goddamned brain cell is most important....
Last Night's Winner: Women
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like female sports fans out there, who are finally getting an ESPN of their very own. Say hello to espnW, coming soon to (maybe) a television near you....
Last Night's Winner: Pedro Martinez, The Only Tolerable Part Of Ken Burns's <em>Tenth Inning</em>
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Pedro Martinez, whose small bit of screen-time yesterday was the only part of Ken Burns's sad-bugle-and-Bob-Costas extravaganza that was worth a damn....
Last Night's Winner: Quarterback In A Bra!
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like CFL QB Henry Burris, photographed wearing a bra, with a woman who's not his wife. Oh, and the pictures fell into the hands of the fanbase he spurned....