lies Page 138 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Pox, Ye Shall Receive Twenty Lashes
So you know what's a good baseball score? 6-4. Everyone scores a little, the game's close, and even with a runner on in the 9th, there's always a chance this beaut could be tied up. Know what's a bad score? 20-2. Those are the scores that make the casual fan cringe. Boy am I glad that's not my team....
The Gateway Grizzlies Will Clog Your Arteries If It's The Last Thing They Do
The team that gave you "Baseball's Best Burger" — a bacon cheeseburger with a Krispy Kreme doughnut used as a bun, has done it again. Now available at the Gateway Grizzlies concession area: Baseball's Best Soft Pretzel. And finally, that fifth doctor surrenders. Now five out of five doctors agree th...
Chase Utley Is The Most Interesting Man In The World
Chase Utley is lighter than air, can charm the birds out of the trees and never forgets your birthday. His blood smells like cologne. He also makes diving, backhanded catches, has hit 21 home runs, will run into the catcher full tilt and is not opposed to bunting his way on base. On Monday, his hero...
Never Underestimate The Sex Appeal Of A Phillies' Fan Sidewalk-Napping In Her Own Chunk
This brilliantly disturbing photo (no, she's not dead, just sleepy) was captured last week by the ribald red-hatted rebel rousers who call themselves The Fightins.. No, it's not uncommon to find Phillies fans grossly intoxicated and laid out on the ground, but it is a wonder how this poor girl act...
Jimmy Rollins Is Recognizable
The Gray Lady has an amusing piece today limning a day in the life of the slavering subhuman horde that is the habitual autograph hound. The column tags them as "Sharpie-wielding stalkers," which might be a terrible slight to stalkers everywhere. I mean, at least most stalkers know who they're purs...
Michael Jordan Finds A New Underwear Buddy
It is perhaps fitting that the greatest athlete of our generation — sorry, the generation before ours — has spent the last three years pretending to scout for the Bobcats and making underwear ads. Sure, hey, who doesn't hang out with Kevin Bacon, playing pool and tossing packaged briefs back and for...
Ryan Howard And His Dancing Turkey Neck
Being a sports reporter is, at times, an absolutely horrible job. Sure you get to watch games, travel and interact with athletes, but there is a horrendous downside. (Which is pretty much everything else.) And this is never more disturbingly clear than when a reporter has their first (or 50th) awf...
Johnny Lawrence Can Still Sweep The Leg
It's time for Minor Enterprise, which celebrates Minor League baseball and all else that is good and great about America. And now, please rise as William Hung sings his rendition of our National Anthem ......
On May 15, The Fresno Grizzlies Will Sweep The Leg
Time once again for Minor Enterprise, a celebration of God's gift of Minor League baseball promotions, mascots and fans. Also, The View's Joy Behar dishes celebrity gossip....
Momma Werth Just Don't Know
The Slanch Report caught Orestes Destrade getting a little distracted during the replay of the Phillies-Brewers contest on Thursday's Baseball Tonight. The objet du distraction: Jayson Werth's mother,....
Always A Fun Night In Philly When The Mets Are In Town
Why can't you dim-witted Mets fans just behave yourselves when you come to Philadelphia? We get it. You like to be loud and obnoxious, and you won't back away from a fight. That would be an insult to your Cro-Magnon Guido charm if you walk away from a playful taunt with a smile or just show some re...
You Won't Be Able To Hide From This Election
Anyone watching the Mets-Phillies game on ESPN last night probably noticed the avid political junkie who kept putting up a "HILLARY" sign every time a lefthanded hitter came to the plate....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while using science to control the female mind, then going home and heating up a TV dinner... • 7:00 p.m. — NBA Playoffs: Dallas Mavericks at New Orleans Hornets, Game 1. There's a new rule in New Orleans. No billionaires are allowed to enter the locker room. They claim it's not an edi...
Michael Jordan Vs. "The Sheen Machine"
Back in 1988, there was some sort of network program called "War Of The Stars," We're guessing it was like that "Network Stars" show, but, you know, less popular, and with more Dick Van Patten. Well, NESW Sports has dug up archive footage of a young Michael Jordan playing basketball against … Marti...
Observations From Opening Night At Shea
We attended our first baseball game of the season last night, a sloppy, ugly, slightly comical 8-2 Mets win over the Phillies. We tried to attribute it to a cold April night, but seriously, we're not sure the Phillies were actually wearing gloves....
The Usual Dash Of Dollar Dog Night Bacchanalia
Wednesday night at the Philadelphia Phillies Citizens Bank Park marked opening night and its first official "Dollar Dog NIght" promotion, which culminated in a Phillies 1-0 loss and, as usual, another mesmerizing display of shit-faced chaos courtesy of the revved-up monkeys. Ever since the Phillies...
Obviously, Tom Gordon Didn't Get His Balls Blessed
Yesterday morning, right in front of the Mike Schmidt statue at Citizens Bank Park, the Philadelphia Phillies had their balls blessed by a priest, a rabbi and a pastor with the hopes of giving 2007's team to beat an extra boost of godliness to kick off 2008. Well, God was napping yesterday, as the P...
Your NL East "Preview"
As mentioned in New York Magazine this week, the Mets have a promotional flyer that says "It's Time For A Little Revenge." As NY Mag pointed out ... hey, you're the ones who choked....