lol Page 15 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A New Jersey federal judge dismissed a class-action lawsuit that accused the New York Jets of screwing over PSL holders. “Agreement expressly disclaims that plaintiff is not acquiring the PSL as an investment or with a view to profiting from future distribution or resale, and further that Defendants...
Fresh Out Of More Obscure Maladies, Fate Sends A Baseball Into Noah Syndergaard's Ribs
In a turn of events that is both scarier and less troubling than his recent battle with hand, foot, and mouth disease, Noah Syndergaard was nailed in the ribs by a screaming comebacker Saturday night against the Phillies, and had to leave the game....
Lucas Moura Cooking Chris Smalling Is A Metaphor For Tottenham's Spanking Of Man United
It takes a firm lashing of José Mourinho’s asscheeks to get him to walk into a press conference and opine about international humanitarian crises before storming out of the room while doing an unironic Birdman impression, and that’s exactly what Tottenham administered to Mourinho’s Manchester United...
The Mets Did It Again
Oh brother, what are those freaking Mets up to this time?...
Paul Pogba's Agent Shit-Talks Man United Legend, And Things Are Looking Bad
Following Manchester United for the couple years, it’s hard to combat the sense that Paul Pogba isn’t very happy at the club right now. But for as up-and-down as his return to England has been, it seems like right now—with his manager criticizing him and the team playing poorly and unadventurously a...
Only José Mourinho Can Save Manchester United From Himself
If he weren’t such a hemorrhoidal asshole, you could be inclined to feel somewhat sorry for José Mourinho....
The Mets Made The Phillies Look Like The Mets
The New York Mets are the greatest baseball team of the past two days. Following up on a 16-5 drubbing of the Orioles on Wednesday night, one of the biggest laughingstocks in baseball took down the Phillies this afternoon by a staggeringly competent score of 24-4. Those 24 runs today are a Mets fran...
Break Up The Mets!
The Mets beat the Yankees Monday night, 8–5, for their second consecutive win, and fourth in five games, and sixth in nine. They’re coming off their first consecutive series wins since April, and recently got long-suffering Jacob deGrom his first win since mid-June. Things are finally looking ... kn...
James Dolan's New Song Is About How He Should Have Stopped Harvey Weinstein
Knicks owner James Dolan was a longtime friend of disgraced sex pervert Harvey Weinstein, and now he wants to let everyone know that he, James Dolan, is sorry that he never stopped Weinstein from sexually assaulting countless women. Because he is James Dolan, he has expressed this regret through a p...
Holy Shit, Jacob DeGrom Got A Win
For the first time since June 18, Mets ace Jacob deGrom started a baseball game and was officially awarded with a win at the end of that baseball game. This is notable mostly because deGrom has been pretty much the best pitcher in the Major Leagues this season....
Why Is Jose Reyes Still Playing For The Mets?
It still doesn’t quite scan, given that Jose Reyes is one of the best players ever to play for the New York Mets, but it’s true. Purely from a baseball standpoint—surely the most charitable standpoint from which to view someone who was suspended for 51 games by Major League Baseball for an incident ...
Matt Harvey Is Not Bitter Toward The Mets At All, No Sir
The lowly Reds are taking on the even lowlier Mets Monday night, for the start of a three-game series. The occasion marks the return of Matt Harvey to New York, for the first time as a member of a visiting club. The Mets, perhaps feeling some regret over the way Harvey’s time as a Met ended, put tog...
Only The Shit-Ass Mets And Shit-Ass José Reyes Could Make Baseball History Like This
To the surprise of nobody, the Mets followed up yesterday’s 25-4 loss to the Nationals by losing yet again. They couldn’t capitalize on the late momentum they generated last night or the Nationals’ fluid roster, and they wound up losing 5-3. It was not for lack of effort on José Reyes’s part, howeve...
Behold A Cursed Phrase: "The Worst Loss In Mets History"
It is obviously not so simple as this, but when a team, especially one as desperately crummy as the New York Mets, decides to stand pat at the trade deadline, the front office (or perhaps ownership, in this instance) is saying to fans and to the players, “This is fine.” Is this fine? Mere hours afte...
Jacob DeGrom Is The Very Human Embodiment Of Futility
There’s a point in every typical Mets season when their astonishingly dependable ineptitude tips over from being a source of amusement to being a source of genuinely unpleasant secondhand embarrassment. Probably for Mets fans that moment reliably passes before the first day of summer; for the rest o...
Dear The Jets: What The Hell Are You Doing With Sam Darnold?
The Jets drafted Sam Darnold in the hopes he would become their franchise quarterback, something they haven’t had for the better part of [checks notes] close to 50 years. Darnold, the third overall pick, was supposed to make his training camp debut today. But he was nowhere to be found in Florham Pa...
How Bad Does It Have To Get Before Rob Manfred Does Something About The Mets?
In peacetime, the MLB Commissioner’s job is hard to see. There is of course the chance that the work is heavy and harrowing, endless stressful executive demands and the sort of hardcore deal-making that would buckle the spines of lesser humans. But there is also the chance that it’s just a series of...
You Aren't Going To Believe This, But Jacob DeGrom Pitched Great And The Mets Lost Anyway
Whenever Jacob deGrom takes the hill for the Mets, there’s a certain level of excellence that you can expect to see from the spindly 30-year-old. He has, after all, only given up more than three earned runs in a start once this season. That means that whenever deGrom is pitching, all the Mets have t...
Just When You Think We've Reached Peak Mets, Noah Syndergaard Comes Down With "Hand, Foot, And Mouth Disease"
The Mets have spent an MLB-high $39.5 million on players on the disabled list in 2018, almost $2 million more than the next highest team on the list, and a full $12 million more than the third highest. I am going to guess the dollars they spend on Noah Syndergaard’s new ailment are the weirdest they...