lol Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Brain-Poisoned Knicks Fan's Case For Frank Ntilikina
Knicks fandom is an identity unto itself—big dummy who likes pain—but it is not one big undifferentiated blob of big dummy. These fans hold a diversity of strong opinions, on players that no healthy person should have to think about any longer than a commercial break. Heading into the new season, t...
"Spooky" Sam Darnold Sees Dead People In Ghastly Loss To Dreaded Patriots
Sam Darnold’s first game back after a bout with smooching disease went great! The returning hero threw for 300-plus yards, and his Jets upset the Cowboys, and poor, discarded Luke Falk was swiftly forgotten. Darnold was even named AFC Offensive Player of the Week! Darnold’s second game, Monday night...
Mets Owners Gave Bill de Blasio $5,400 The Day Before He Quit His Presidential Campaign
In 2019, Jed Lowrie suffered a lower-body injury in spring training that somehow never got better or better-understood; for much of the year, the injury was just designated as “left side.” While he was unable to play the field at all, Lowrie did finally make it back to the bigs at the very end of th...
The Dolphins Smashed Their Own Dicks To A Pulp, And Then Smashed Them Some More
This past Sunday, the Miami Dolphins failed so flagrantly, so perfectly, in a game so perversely important that was more meme than matchup, that I don’t actually need to explain what happened to them. But the thing you should know about the Dolphins’ suicide screen pass, which wrapped up their 17-16...
The Dolphins Are The Worst Of The Worst
One hurdle lying on its side, rusted and shattered, 11 more left....
Dolphins Win Barf Bowl, Lose To Washington In Final Seconds
So far this season the Miami Dolphins had looked unstoppable on their way to a No. 1 draft pick and Tua Tagovailoa. But their tank rumbled over a potential minefield on Sunday: a matchup with Washington, one of a small handful of teams that might be nearly as bad as the Dolphins, and the only team t...
Sam Darnold Spleen Update: Spleen Ready For Hot NFL Action
Today brings us what will hopefully be the final update about the state of Jets quarterback Sam Darnold’s spleen, which was thrust into a precarious position by the mononucleosis virus that has kept him out of action since Week 2. We are pleased to pass along the following announcement: Spleen stron...
![It Is Easier To Find Waldo Than It Is To Find Skins Fans At This Skins Home Game [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/ai9aoamoxs8fzpkygmpr.jpg)
It Is Easier To Find Waldo Than It Is To Find Skins Fans At This Skins Home Game [Update]
Word started to spread during prime tailgate hours Sunday that the crowd for the afternoon Patriots-Skins game in Landover would be heavily tilted in favor of the road team. By now you don’t need to be told that this has long been a trend at the team’s dismal, far-flung mausoleum of a stadium, but t...
Well This Was Predictable
Right on cue, the quarterback that Jets coach Adam Gase only let have one full practice with the first team has already committed a laughable mistake. New York decided to go for it on a 4th-and-1 in the first quarter, but rather than running it with one of the league’s best running backs, the team d...
Adam Gase Waited Until The Last Day Of Practice To Give Luke Falk First-Team Reps
Behold the coaching genius of Adam Gase, who was so confident that Sam Darnold would recover from mononucleosis at a rate faster than most doctors would recommend—and not say something like “I want to make sure that I’m safe out there and I’m not going to die”—that he just flat out ignored the actua...
Manchester United Are The New Old Liverpool
It’s been so bad for so long that it’s time to stop worrying about when or whether it would happen and just admit that it already has: Manchester United have Liverpool’d themselves....
Orioles Wait Until Game 162 To Do Impressive Thing
Orioles right fielder and history-making relief pitcher Stevie Wilkerson entered a last-minute submission for catch of the year. In the bottom of the eighth, with the Red Sox poised to break a 4-4 deadlock off the bat of Jackie Bradley Jr., Wilkerson decided to give JBJ—who had an incredible homer-r...
The Blowhole: Brian Flores Wants To Spoonfeed You Sadness
The most important thing to know about the Miami Dolphins is that their new coach, Brian Flores, treats every game like he will be held criminally liable if anything interesting happens. Dolphins fans, befitting a franchise that hasn’t won a playoff game in 20 years, have extensive experience with c...
Dennis Smith Jr. May Have Fultzed His Shooting Form
Here’s Dennis Smith Jr. taking some free throws which bear the troubling artistic influence of Markelle Fultz. The clip comes from a Redditor who claimed to spot the Knicks point guard at school—judging by the banners, it’s the Manhattan private school Avenues—and some credibility is gained from the...
Show Us Your Best Sam Darnold Memes, Using This Generator
Our old pal Tim Burke went and made a generator for that wonderfully incongruent graphic of Jets quarterback Sam Darnold that aired this week during ESPN’s Monday Night Football. Try it for yourself!...
This Sam Darnold Graphic Was The Jets' Only Bright Spot Against The Browns
There is no better representation of how poorly the Jets performed in their 23-3 loss against the Browns than the fact that this ESPN-created graphic of Sam Darnold executing a powerful commanding point while the word “mononucleosis” appears next to him boldly in all caps was likely the only thing t...
Should You Root For The Dolphins To Be The Worst Team Ever?
After two games, the Miami Dolphins are, well, you know. Everyone knows. After two weeks, everybody knows. Everybody can smell it....
The Dolphins Are Stale Piss From The Gutter
The Dolphins, a team set up to execute one of the most brazen tanking campaigns in NFL history, were so bad in Week 1 that a handful of players were reportedly calling their agents after the game and begging to be traded. Somehow, Miami was even worse today against the Patriots....
Washington's Running Back Conflict Resolves Itself In Characteristically Grim, Destructive Fashion
Washington running back Derrius Guice missed his entire rookie season after suffering a knee injury during his first career preseason game. This year, Guice injured his other knee in his first career regular season game, and is expected to miss only half the year. If he keeps this pattern up, the th...
Should A Home Run Automatically End An Inning?
I will not keep you waiting for an answer on this one. No, absolutely not and under no circumstances would it be a good idea for a homer to automatically end an inning in a big league baseball game. It seems important not to equivocate on this question. And yet this Funbag question, from a listener ...