los Page 254 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

No Gatorade Machine Is Safe From Zambrano's Wrath
Carlos Zambrano did not make it through his start against the Pirates today and neither did the Gatorade dispenser in the Cubs dugout. Carlos gets ejected, but it's always the electrolytes that have to pay the price....

Don't Let The Sun Go Down On The Bird People
Denver may or may not succeed in keeping Kobe Bryant from his eternal destiny, but at least they are making things interesting. The series heads back to Los Angeles tied at 2, but anything that keeps goofballs like Chris Andersen in the "spotlight" a little longer is okay by me....

Carlos Marmol Leaves Team To Be With Wife (Not Pictured: His Wife)
Cub reliever Carlos Marmol is taking a leave of absence from his day job to fly to New York, as his wife is scheduled to give birth there this week. So then who was the very non-pregnant "female companion" he was snuggling with two weeks ago?...

...And Your NBA Open Thread
Andrew Bynum isn't happy with his playing time, but he's only going to talk with Phil Jackson about his "feelings" if he's approached. Let's give Bynum a break — he's still young, right? Lakers, Nuggets, 8:30 p.m. in Denver. [LA Times]...

Little Girl Lost In A Cup Of Beer At The Lakers Game
We're winding down...so prepare for more crap like this at the end of the day. [SteadyBurn]...

Some Chick To Teach Other Broads About Man Things
The L.A. Dodgers will air a series of radio broadcasts aimed at women, particularly those who don't know much about baseball. Jeanne Zelasko will do play-by-play and talk real slow so that these dames can get the infield fly rule through their thick skulls....

Clippers To Ruin Blake Griffin's Life
Los Angeles Clippers president Andy Roeser is in loooove with Blake Griffin and since his team won the NBA Draft Lottery, the Oklahoma forward will likely be next to join that house of horrors. He was such a nice boy too. [AP]...

Eric Chavez Might Be Done With Baseball Soon
Eric Chavez has been told by his doctors that he has a herniated disk in his back and if he hurts it again, that's it for his career. Man, that's gotta suck....

Fat Old Lakers Fan Wearing Sunglasses Rejoices
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Jinxing Clayton Kershaw
Clayton Kershaw no-hitting Marlins... (UPDATE: oops.)[SI]...

Lakets. Rockers. Game 7 Open Thread.
Will Kobe take this series back? Will Ron Artest lick his neck? Will Luis Scola's swarthy musk be too much for the Lakers too handle? Find out which of these brave competitors will earn the right to be defeated by the Nuggets. [Yahoo]...

Just Give Your Car Keys To Aaron Brooks And He'll Park It For You
Either the Houston Rockets veterans had a little fun with Aaron Brooks this weekend or he forgot to bring his ventriloquist dummy to the post-game press conference....

Rockets and Lakers: It's About To Get Nasty
After losing yet another starter, the Rockets are about to try to prove that they can win without Yao. If Ron Artest can keep himself from getting ejected, they might have a shot....

Real Men Swing Pink Bats
MLB is breaking out pink bats again in honor of Mother's Day and to support breast cancer awareness. To promote early screening, doctors will be giving a lifetime of free mammograms to Arod and Manny....

Another Exciting Evening With Rodman
Deadspin fan club member Dennis Rodman has been accused of pulling the ol' dine and dash, with a little assault thrown in for good measure....

Bill Plaschke Finally Vindicated By Manny Ramirez Suspension
There is a silver lining to be found in this Manny Ramirez mess—L.A. Times columnist Bill Plaschke can finally say "I told you so!" Manny duped a lot of people, but not this guy!...

Manny Ramirez Releases His Statement On Suspension
Manny Ramirez released a statement [opens in PDF] saying that the positive test comes from a medication that was prescribed to him by a doctor for a legitimate medical issue. [Los Angeles Times]...

Ron Artest Once Saw A Guy Get Stabbed In The Heart (UPDATE: For Real)
The NBA Playoffs are getting very chippy—even more so—but at least no one has been murdered on court with a broken table leg yet. Because Ron Artest would hate to see that happen....again....

Arsenal Fan Commits Suicide After Champions League Wipeout
A Kenyan soccer fan hung himself—in his Arsenal jersey—after his favorite team got thumped by Manchester United in the Champions League yesterday. That is not dealing well with defeat....