lsd Page 42 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A List Of People You May Cross The Street To Avoid
You are walking down the street. Someone is coming at you. Will they hurt you? Kill you? Throw you into a van and molest you? They might! But are you worried enough about it to flee?...
An Ode To Sleeping Children
I had to look after all three of my kids by myself this weekend, and when you are alone with children for that long, you are so put-upon that your memory stops working. I can't even recall what happened over those three days, because my brain went into Safe Mode and was like, NOPE. I'M NOT STORING...
Why Is ESPN Letting Darren Rovell Turn Ad Campaigns Into Articles?
Here is a headline from a recent Darren Rovell article (?) that appeared on ESPN.com earlier this week: "Deal forbids Brees from motorcycle." ...
The Trashiest Tattoo Locations, Ranked
Before we get to the Funbag, a couple of things. First off, to commemorate the paperback release ofSomeone Could Get Hurt, I'm gonna do a reading at the Dodge City bar here in D.C. on Wednesday night. We'll start around 8:30 p.m, and I promise not to read for too long, because no one ever likes th...
Your Open Relationship Is Horseshit
There was a dude on Reddit today who proposed an open relationship with his girlfriend, only to have the whole thing blow up in his face when his girlfriend managed to score vestigial lovers and he couldn't do likewise. Any normal person will tell you that, unless your name is Gene Simmons, open re...
Fuck Chipotle
Everyone's rightfully goofing on Chipotle today for unveiling a line of cups and bags featuring insta-literature from the likes of Toni Morrison and George Saunders. Now, I have no issue with restaurant chains scrawling stuff on their packaging. Cook Out could post entire passages from Leviticus o...
Michael Sam Is Doing A Reality Show, And That Sucks
So Michael Sam has a reality show now, and I'm just gonna go ahead and align myself with the HOT TAKES crowd and say that Sam just pissed away a whole lot of the goodwill he'd built up for himself these past few months. They can class up the announcement all they like. They can call it a "document...
How To Suck: A Special Message To The Graduating Class Of 2014
This is all about sucking, so I'll begin with me, in a parking lot, parked too close to the adjacent car. I open my car door and inadvertently hit the other dude's door. I pray that I haven't left a scratch, or a dent, or something substantial that would require insurance-card swapping and 10 minu...
Why <em>Inside The NBA</em> Could Never Happen In The NFL
Your letters:...
Here Are Your Worst Prom Hookup Failures
Once upon a time at this fair site, we ran a series of posts entitled Drunken Hookup Failure, chronicling sordid tales of young lust gone horribly awry. Today, we've decided to bring DHF back for a special prom-themed edition. Here now are some of our readers' very worst prom failures....
The NFL Is Trying To Get You To Hate Football
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
I Took TED's Stupid Grit Quiz!
If you're a sports fan like I am, you know that championships aren't won with talent or sound strategy or even proper personnel evaluation. They are won with HUSTLE and HEART and ECKSTEINIAN fortitude that cannot be measured, because measuring things is for nerds and pussies. ...
Down With NBA Playoff Color-Outs
Whoa, hey, the paperback edition of Someone Could Get Hurt drops today, so if you were too cheap to spring for a hardcover last spring (and you were; I've seen the royalty statements), now you can buy it on the cheap. Everyone wins when you give me your money....
Down With Runway Food
I was watching an episode of Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown recently, and he was in Vegas at a fancy José Andrés restaurant-within-a-restaurant that had roughly two and a half seats and likely charged hundreds upon hundreds of dollars for a single meal. Bourdain was presented with an "egg" that wa...
What Happens If The Clippers Win The NBA Title?
Before we hit up the Funbag, two things. First off, I wrote a short story called THE ROVER that you can buy here for a dollar. You can also borrow it for free with Amazon Prime. But for real, it's only a buck. You cheap old miser. GIVE ME MY DOLLAR, GOD DAMMIT....
Press Release Touting Newer, Hipper Ronald McDonald Is Batshit Crazy
Ohhhhh, Darren Rovell. Oh, you picked the wrong day to be suspended from Twitter, amigo. Because McDonald's just issued a press release for a fully redesigned Ronald McDonald, and it is fucking nutty. They don't even bother trying to sound human. They went the full Poochie. Let's take a look....
Pine Tar Should Be Fully Legal, And Baseball Is Still Fucking Insane
As you might know, Yankees pitcher Michael Pineda got booted from a game last night for rocking a swatch of pine tar on the back of his neck, in full view of everyone. The weird thing is that it wasn't the fact that Pineda used pine tar that got everyone pissy, but the fact that he did it so blatan...
Eight Reasons Never To Go On Spring Break With Children
Just let go. That was the slogan of the hotel we were staying at for Spring Break, and it was a solid slogan. After all, this was a family resort, and at family resorts, parents often need to be reminded to ease up, take the sticks out of their asses, and TRY to enjoy themselves, if only to then f...
Forget The PAT: Let’s Destroy The Touchback
Before we get to the Funbag, a big thank-you to noted punter of balls Chris Kluwe, who filled in here last week and did far too capable a job. And now… your letters:...
Why Paternity Leave Is Important, Even Though You’ll Hate It
Every few years, there's a big Hot Sports Take orgy because a pro athlete decided to skip a game for a birth and/or paternity leave. This year, it was Daniel Murphy's turn in the barrel, getting dumped on by Boomer Esiason and Mike Francesa after skipping two games after his kid was born. Esiason h...