m Page 5990 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Dog Show? More Like The Gun Show
In a first, they'll be testing Iditarod participants (mushers) for drugs and alcohol. This is useless until a dependable test for Purina Beneful is developed. [Fairbanks Daily News-Miner]...

The SEC Title Game, In Microcosm
This video in no way proves that women are better than men at sports. It only proves that Alabama students are better than Florida students at sports. [Via YBB]...

In Hockey, This Man Is Considered A Consummate Pro
When Brendan Shanahan was a kid, his favorite player turned down his autograph request. When Brendan Shanahan made the NHL, he beat the hell out of said player at the puck drop. Do not mess with Brendan Shanahan. [Newark Star-Ledger]...

A Turdfest On Paper Gives Us A Few Gems
Ten early games, and only one features two teams with winning records. Rex Grossman, Matt Moore, Brodie Croyle, Daunte Culpepper and Chris Redman all took snaps today. But what's this about upsets?...

Your Late Games Open Thread
Mike Vick was soundly booed every time he touched the ball, until his two TDs heralded "We Want Vick" chants. Probably led by these two ladies! Discuss the beginning of Tony Romo's annual December meltdown in the comments. [AJC]...

Hey Look, More Things Wrong With NFL Overtime!
As if it weren't enough that a random coin toss essentially decides the winner in a significant majority of overtimes, now comes SCIENCE! to tell us that the flip of the coin may not be so random....

"Famous" Would Have Been Pushing It
Unlikely headline of the day: "Well-Known Badminton Player Dies." [North-West Evening Mail]...

Ivy League Squash Is Serious Business
Harvard's big squash match at Dartmouth was livened up by some rowdy Big Green fans, and now Crimson supporters are crying homophobia and antisemitism. But wait until you read about what must be the most innocuous Jewish stereotype ever....

Verne and Gary's Not-So-Excellent Adventure
If you're like me, you may have found the announcing during yesterday's SEC Championship Game to be....underwhelming. Here's a compilation of Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson's greatest moments of confusion, obfuscation and outright lies....

Your Early Games Open Thread
Middle America wins the 1:00 games slate (or should I say "noon games," our new Hardee's-eating overlords?) as us coastal elite miss out on the promising Indy/Tennessee game. I promise to be nicer next time I'm changing planes. [The506]...

Animal Abuse: Funnier In The Name Of School Rivalries, But Still Wrong
Despite what Oregon's uniforms will tell you (and they'll tell you a lot of things), ducks do not naturally come in orange and green. This little fella was spray-painted by some Beaver fans and left to die....

Greg Oden's Old Vietnam War Wound Acting Up Again
Oden's done for the year after fracturing his patella. (Don't embiggen the picture unless you want to see a man's patella.) Meanwhile, Kevin Durant is averaging 28, 7, and 3. Sorry Portland fans, at least you have...no other teams. [Oregonian]...

BCS Chaos Is The Buzzword Of The Weekend
To those of you rooting for the BCS to embarrass itself on a national stage last night, take heart: we are left with the least desirable national championship matchup imaginable....

Open Your Mouth, Here Comes Victory
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

A.J., Call Your Mother.
Bad news, unapproved commenters: this is the last post of the night from us. DUAN is how you say it?...

Nick Kroll On "The League," Fantasy Football, And How Chris "Mad Dog" Russo Is His Personal Cobain
FX's The League is TV's latest attempt to tickle the potbelly of the coveted "18-to-whatever male" demographic. The show centers on the friendships, relationships, and fantasy football league of a group of thirtysomething guys. Sound familiar?...

Notre Dame To Announce Rehab Stint, Impending Pregnancy To TMZ
White smoke in South Bend!...

Robert Johnson Called — He Wants His SEC Championship Back
Alabama 32, Florida 13. [Pic via Rick Ankiel's Moustache]...

"SI" Writer Jon Wertheim Would Like You To Watch Roger Federer's Giggle Fit
Sports Illustrated senior writer Jon Wertheim, author of Strokes of Genius: Federer, Nadal, and the Greatest Match Ever Played, was kind enough to let me bother him. Here, he considers Tiger Woods and challenges Will Leitch to a bet:...

Thu-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh Yankees Lose (Some Operating Expenses)
The Yankees are looking to cut some $15 million from their 2009 Opening Day payroll of $201 million. Wait, so this means they'll only be able to afford John Lackey or Matt Holliday? Not both? The recession's hitting everybody. [MLB.com]...