m Page 6112 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Greg Oden's Romantic Hawaiian Vacation Keeps Getting Interrupted By Bill From Accounting
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Let's Get This Over With Early: Joakim Noah Smokes Weed, Anonymous, Possibly Fake Text Messager Says
"smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands" [Texts From Last Night] (PHOTO: Not From Last Night)...
Tomorrow Is The First Day To Watch Young People In Red Scarves Get Gored
Yes, right about now, 95% of the inhabitants of tiny Pamplona, Spain are getting good and sloshed to prepare for the annual San Fermin "religious" festival where large creatures are loosed upon Hemingway-inspired college kids through a wooden maze. Par-tay....
Off The Wall, Indeed: Ron Artest Pays Tribute To Michael Jackson
"Michael, Michael, Michael, you my nigga. I know a thug would cry for you, my dude. Aint no R&B singer really ever makes me cry. Makes me wanna meet you, touch your hand. Ya know?" [YouTube]...
Former Bubbly Blonde Olympic Figure Skater Is Now Meth-Running Brunette With A Bob
Nicole Bobek, who appeared at the 1998 Nagano Winter Olympics, was in a Jersey City court today on charges she played a "significant role" in a massive meth operation. [NJ.com]...
Caleb Campbell Gives Bobsledding A Shot
Remember Caleb Campbell—the former Army Cadet who was drafted by, but not allowed to play for, the Detroit Lions? Boy, did that guy dodge a bullet! Okay, maybe that was a bad metaphor....
Worth Almost $900 Million Now, Imagine If The Cubs Won A World Series
"The Ricketts family has reached a deal to buy the storied Chicago Cubs baseball team from bankrupt media company Tribune Co." Ambiguous adjectives are about as delightful as Sam Zell no longer owning a baseball team. [Reuters]...
Steve McNair's "Girlfriend" Bought A Gun
The latest tidbit of news on the Steve McNair investigation: Reports are now saying that Sahel Kazemi allegedly bought a gun just days before she and the former quarterback were found dead. That's probably not a coincidence....
Breaking: Joe Morgan Tells The Truth!
America's baseball uncle was tellin' tales again last night — something about a long slump and a home run he hit off Nolan Ryan — and for once, his story is supported by those ever-pesky computer numbers. [MLB Insights]...
A Hearty L'Chaim To Jason Lezak
Jason Lezak — three-time Olympic gold medalist, Phelpsian savior and, blessedly, former bar mitzvah boy — will skip the swimming world championships to race in Israel's Maccabiah Games. When in Jerusalem, he'll be hankering for Chinese food from Beijing. [AP]...
Diagramming Sarah Palin's "Full-Court Press" Metaphor
Last Friday, Sarah Palin shrugged into her respectable Republican cloth coat and announced she was resigning from office. Along the way, she dropped a somewhat baffling basketball analogy, which we've helpfully diagrammed for you below, just as Palin described it....
A Special Announcement From Ballsdeepland
Announcements have been unkind to you lately. They're either telling you someone has died, or that you're gonna get banned from commenting. Well here's an announcement I hope you find a bit more welcome....
British Press Finds Its Tragic Hero In An American
In London, sports are sport, Americans are ungracious blokes and Andy Roddick is brave, tenacious, athletic and bloody valorous. So like Hamlet, Othello and Romeo before him, Roddick naturally became the tragic hero in the British writer's five-act narrative arc....
Long Snapper Pays Price For Saints' Poor Investment Decisions
Kevin Houser has played in every Saints game since 2000—only hiking the ball on kicks, but still—yet he was abruptly cut last week for no apparent reason. Unless you count failed investments that cost his teammates $2 million....
Boston Celtics Ramp Up Their "Get Older" Strategy
Calm and rational Rasheed Wallace has agreed to play for the Celtics for two years. Next on the shopping list: Grant Hill. (Seriously.) Because the problem with their 2009 team was obviously not enough injury/character questions. [Boston Herald]...
Stephen A. Smith Seeking New Horizons For Mouthiness, Realness
Here's Stephen A. doing his best Stephen A. impersonation by violently enunciating on MSNBC this morning. Maybe next time he'll get a proper introduction. [MSNBC]...
Minor League Promotion Violates Human Rights Laws, Constitution
It's a remarkable world we live in when a promotion meant to celebrate women can get written up as a violation of human rights laws. I hope Amnesty International doesn't have to be called for the next Free Bat Night....
More Steve McNair Revelations And Fallout
Mechelle McNair, Steve's wife of 12 years, had no idea her husband was cheating on her until after his death, the NY Daily News reports. But one former NFL quarterback's wife offered some unfiltered opinion on how she'd react....
In Season Debut, Candace Parker Produces Six Points, Several Fluid Ounces Of Breast Milk
Parker returned yesterday against the Mercury, and once again sportswriters found themselves talking about her boobs: "Just before the game, Parker had to pump breastmilk in the locker room for her daughter's post-game feeding." [LA Daily News]...
Bill Plaschke's Unhealthy Manny Obsession
Professional grumpypants Bill Plaschke really hates Manny Ramirez. In fact, the only thing he hates more than Manny is people who refuse to hate Manny as much as he does. Why can't they see what Bill Plaschke sees?...