m Page 6227 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Super Bowl Sub-Plot #1: Whisenhunt vs. Roethlisberger
There are several key storylines that will beaten into the ground by everyone who covers the Super Bowl for over the next two weeks. We will beat them down even further....

Arena Football Players Half-Upset About Lack Of Paychecks
AFL players are worried about putting food on the table (real food, not Sprewell food) after the cancellation of their season. Well, why don't they just win the Super Bowl, like Kurt Warner did? [NYDN]...

Mark McGwire's One-Eyed Baby Brother Reveals The Not-So-Startling Truth
Jay McGwire idolized his older brothers, became hooked on steroids, crashed, found God, and now wants to share his story with the world. He also claims he introduced the fallen home run hero to 'roids....

Come For The Soccer, Stay For The Fascism
Real Madrid fans rock the Fascist chants. I am shocked that this occurred in Spain. [Rumors & Rants]...

Police Capture Wily McNabb Lawn Vandals
Lex Luthor, Professor Moriarty, Dr. Doom ... evil super geniuses all. It's time to add two more names to the pantheon of criminal masterminds: Arizona Cardinals fans Ryan Hanlon, left, and Rex Perkin....

Are Americans The Worst Hooligans Of All?
Some stupid British guy has made the outrageous claim that the United States has a worse hooligan problem than his UK. That makes me so angry I want to punch someone in the face!...

George W. Bush Leaves Office Without Helping Roger Clemens
No pardon for The Rocket. Clemens adds W. to list of "dushbags" out to get him. [NYDN]...

Presidential Smack Talk With Kevin Johnson
Terrible: With two million people at the inauguration you have to figure at least one of them would be a Steeler fan. [Mondesi's House]...

The French Judge Gives Them A 10
Something that wasn't mentioned in Tuesday's inaugural address: The Russians are way ahead of us in boob slip technology. (Following link NSFW)....

Congratulations On Your New Acquisition, Boston!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Does Ray-Ray Want To Be A Cowboy?
"Dallas owner Jerry Jones believes his team is in the serious hunt for a Super Bowl title next season, and thinks Lewis would be a help in the Cowboys locker room." [Ravens Insider]...

Hope. Change. Buzzsaw Tattoos.
This is the Mighty Jim Cooke sketch of what will be placed on my upper right buttock very soon. No red birds, no shooting flames — just buzzsaw....

Arizona Dismisses Confused, Drunk Mascot
The Diamondbacks fired their mascot because of a DUI arrest and not, as suspected, because bobcats are not snakes. [AZ Republic]...

Rod Marinelli's Long Goodbye
Rod Marinelli's final words to the members of the Detroit media: "Goodbye, ladies." Well played, my friend. Well played. [ProFootballTalk]...

David and Victoria Show Off Their New Uniforms
Get Bent: No wonder the Beckham's careers are suffering. It's a lot of hard work to be this damn sexy. [Sports Crackle Pop]...

Rinku And Dinesh Tap Barry Bonds For Insight Into Mysterious "Pirates city"
"Rinku and I going Barry Bonds house. We talking Barry Bonds sir about Pirates city. [W]e learning Willie Stargell, Dave Parker, Roberto Clemente. We learning coaches. We liking Barry Bonds best." [The Million Dollar Arm]...

Claude Lemieux Comes Out Of His Shell
Claude Lemieux—who is 43 and hasn't played an NHL game is six years—will suit up for the San Jose Sharks tonight. Ahh, the memories....

Chicago Wants A Second Terrible Football Franchise
This is what happens when you have two weeks of down time to fill, but it's somehow still football season. Crazy mayors get crazy ideas and people (like me) pretend to take them seriously....

St. Louis High-Sticks Their Way Into America's Heart
After missing two chances at an empty net in the final minute, the Bruins allowed the Blues to skate back down into their zone and put the puck in the net to miraculously tie the game with under a second to go. Ok, maybe David Backes' stick was a wee bit high when he batted the puck out of the air, ...

Humble Minnesota Figure Skater Wants To Remind People How Pretty She Is
"My eyes are large, my lips full, my legs long. Many have told me that I should be a model. Some have even told me that I have an exotic, European look." [RandBall]...