m Page 6821 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Your National League Clusterphooey
All due respect to the playoffs next week, but we can't fathom a much more exciting turkeyshoot than the National League this weekend. We're three days away from the end of the season, and not a single team has clinched, with seven still in the chase. It's insane....
Kiheimahanaomauiakeo Kiheimahanaomauiakeo
This young man is Bronson Sardinha, a September callup by the Yankees and a native of Hawaii. You can tell he's from Hawaii, because he has the strangest middle name we've ever heard from a Major League Baseball player....
Show 'Em Your O-Face, Brian
We hope you're excited, Bears fans; as The Sports Hernia points out, You now have Bill Lumbergh as your starting quarterback. Yeah ... we're gonna go ahead and have you play on New Years Eve this year, Rex ......
It's An Exciting Time In The World Of Sports-Themed Beverages
As detailed yesterday, carbonated beverage lovers were overjoyed to see Jones Soda roll out five new exciting flavors based on the Seattle Seahawks, all based on things found in Holmgren's mustache. The flavors: Natural Field Turf Soda (featuring Josh Brown), Sports Cream Soda (featuring Matt Hassel...
Who Will Be The Next Athlete To Have A Kinky Sex Fetish Revealed?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
We're Sorry For Your Loss. Your Mother Was A Terribly Attractive Woman.
Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. We're all dead. Burned to a crisp....
Our (Brief) Interview With Gilbert Arenas
Yesterday, on invitation from the fine folks at EA Sports, we talked to Wizards zuperstar Gilbert Arenas at the NBA Store in Manhattan for exactly seven minutes and 16 seconds. Here's a complete, exact transcript of the interview, which was almost entirely about his blog. We didn't take a picture, b...
Clubbing, Seals And One's Self
• Soccer has some weird suspensions. [The Beautiful Game] • Vince Young, still upset about that Heisman thing. [Rumors And Rants] • Sorry, no Cy Young now, Mr. Beckett. [Vegas Watch] • Lou Holtz is on FIRE this year. [FanIQ] • What's the best and worst conferences? Anybody know yet? [Musings From Th...
Penn State Will Sue Your Elementary School Back To The Stone Age
Hold on there, Conway Elementary School seventh-grade flag football team. Not another step. Your logo is infringing on the intellectual property rights of Penn State University, and must be removed from all t-shirts, school binders and backpacks. Here are a team of copyright lawyers to make sure you...
Your NHL Eastern Conference Preview
As you know, we make no pretense at being experts in the world of hockey. (Or anything, really.) Because the season is starting, like, this weekend, we've asked Eric McErlain, of Off Wing Opinion, to preview the upcoming season for us. We don't know anyone who knows hockey better than he does, so h...
Ookie Is No Dummy
Ladies and gentlepeople, we have finally figured out what we will do if we are ever convicted of a felony, other than "try to grow a mustache and move to Turks and Caicos." We're gonna make sure we smoke as much weed as possible, and then get caught....
We Have To Ask
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 11 a.m. Fantasy NFL with Scott Engel: Your advice to choose the Bengals defense has proven unwise. Prepare for merciless retribution. • 3 p.m. Injury report with Stephania Bell: By ignoring my letters, you have broken my heart. Won't y...
OJ's Different, More Philly Lawyer
One of the nice things about these new O.J. Simpson charges, for journalists, is that it's a helluva lot easier to get Simpson's attorneys on the phone than it was 12 years ago. This is no high priced dream team; this is a guy named Yale from South Jersey, and now he's chatting with AJ Daulerio....
Bring Your Umbrellas To Paul Brown Stadium On Monday
There might be no better metaphor for the beginning of the Cincinnati Bengals' season than the fact that fans have been noticing bird poop in their beers....
Two NL East Ballparks, Exactly Opposite
We were at Shea Stadium last night, wearing our Rick Ankiel jersey, of course, and we noted that we were 100 percent unmolested. We chalk this up partly to the fact that Mets fans are about 60 times nicer to visiting fans than Yankees fans, but mostly, Shea Stadium was a morgue last night. The Cardi...