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Better Know An Umpire: Mark Wegner
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)...
FBI: Ex-Stripper Mistress Of Warriors Coach Mark Jackson Extorted Him With His Own Dong Shots
The Smoking Gun has the full details, but here's the gist:...
An Interview With The Woman Selling Photos Of A Supposedly Masturbating Terrell Owens
Yesterday, TMZ published an item about a woman who had approached them offering to sell some pics of Terrell Owens. Those photos, according to TMZ, were "some VERY graphic images featuring himself ... with himself." Translation: The woman says T.O. was fapping. Here's more:...
A Plush Bear Stuffed With Crap. <em>Ted</em>, Reviewed.
1. Of the myriad problems with Ted, Seth MacFarlane's flaming, masturbating fart of a comedy, the biggest one is that the teddy bear at its center is neither cute nor funny. The movie thinks he's both. For the movie's promising central joke to work—that a boy's teddy bear comes to life and then grow...
Mark Cuban Appears On <em>First Take</em>, Spends Entire Appearance Trashing Its Hosts
It's no secret we're loath to feature the programming on ESPN's First Take, mostly because we value our remaining brain cells enough to not risk obliterating them by watching the ratings-deprived shout-fest. Ever since First Take turned into the Golden Corral of inane sportschat—complete with a ch...
To UEFA, Wrong Underwear Far Worse Than Fan Racism
Know this: UEFA is very protective of its sponsors. (Here are the Euro 2012 sponsors, soulless corporations all, and you should avoid their products for the remainder of the tournament. Except possibly Ukrsotsbank PJSC.) Paddy Power, the Irish bookmaker, is just as corporate and just as interested i...
Mark Grace, Daisy Dukes, The Meat Sweats And A Middle Finger: Just Another Day At The Ballpark
So, as many of us now know, the Texas Rangers have some absurd hot dog that costs close to $30. It's a testament to the American spirit and Texas in particular. The bigger the better. It's also perfect "human interest" fodder for visiting team crews to discuss when they roll in to town....
Right Before Jason Kubel Homers, Diamondbacks Broadcaster Mark Grace Says Jason Kubel Will Homer
No, really. Just before Scott Feldman went into his wind-up to deliver a 2-0 pitch, that's exactly what Grace said. And, lo, that's exactly what Kubel subsequently did. Watch for yourself below....
This Eagles/Angry Birds Thing Is Weird
It must have been written into the Eagles' contract with the Angry Birds video game empire that cartoon Andy Reid cannot be fat. Instead the Eagles coach is impossibly muscular at a press conference introducing the newest members of the team: Red Bird, Yellow Bird, and, I don't know, the other bir...
Lynn Shelton Is The Next Great American Director
Can you believe that only two American women have ever been nominated for an Academy Award in the Best Director category? Two. Awards are too often lazily used as some sort of actual shorthand barometer of quality and consensus—Jesus, people, Crash won, which should have eliminated that notion forev...
Watch Mark Reynolds Strike Out 100 Times In Two Minutes
Last week, Baltimore Orioles first baseman/third baseman/designated hitter Mark Reynolds broke the record for fastest player to 1,000 career strikeouts. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, the record had belonged to Russell Branyan. But Branyan didn't get to set the record until 2010, when he w...
Santana No-Hitter Gets Asterisk In St. Louis
I've never read the St. Louis Post-Dispatch before in my life, but I have to say, this cover page right here, correctly noting that Johan Santana was aided by a blown call at third base, is about as unbiased as it gets. Anyone crying "homerism" just doesn't get it....
Ken "Hawk" Harrelson Melts Down After White Sox Pitcher Ejected For Throwing Behind A Batter
This week's Rays-White Sox series in St. Petersburg has been contentious after Chicago catcher A.J. Pierzynski's suspicious slide yesterday led to him being plunked by Rays pitcher Alex Cobb today. When Jose Quintana attempted to return the favor—or perhaps just send another message—to Tampa Bay's ...
Kegasus, The Beer-Loving Mascot Of The Beer-Loving Preakness, Is Actually A Sober Phony
What's the saying? If you'll keg stand for something, you'll fall for anything? Promoters of the Preakness Stakes must believe it. Turns out that Kegasus, spokesbeast for the Preakness and the best mascot in all of sports, is a sham....
What Kind Of Politics Writer Can't Even Use A Sports Metaphor Properly? Most Of Them, Actually.
Republished from The Classical....
Under Attack From Laurie Fine's Lawsuit, ESPN Releases Full Audiotape And Accuser Mike Lang Affirms His Statements
Yesterday Laurie Fine went to a castle to announce that her husband, Bernie, the former Syracuse basketball assistant, hadn't molested anybody, and that she would be suing ESPN for libel for repeating that charge, among others. Today, ESPN and one of Fine's accusers returned her lakeside volley....
Laurie Fine To File Libel Suit Against ESPN
That "major announcement" that Laurie Fine promised for us later this morning, at a castle for some reason? It's exactly what you thought. Fine is bringing a libel lawsuit against ESPN, reporter Mark Schwarz, and producer Arty Berko for their reporting of child sexual abuse allegations against forme...
David Brooks Has A New Phony Sociological Category: "ESPN Man"
Someone help me out. Here's David Brooks, the upmarket Jeff Foxworthy, writing about "The ESPN Man" in today's New York Times:...
Massive Cycling Crash Results In Momentary Panic Over The Pink Jersey's Whereabouts
Frankly, I'm torn on which call is better: The American version, courtesy of Universal Sports, or the slightly more measured Russian perspective as heard on Eurosport. As for Phinney, he kept his pink jersey, got some X-rays at a local hospital, and returned to practice today, cankles and all....
Mark Grace Helpfully Used The Telestrator To Inform Diamondbacks Fans About Technical Difficulties
Faced with an audio problem during today's D'Backs-Mets broadcast on Fox Sports Arizona, analyst Mark Grace took matters into his own hands—literally—by using the telestrator to let viewers know why they weren't hearing anything. ...