me Page 5911 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Gus Johnson Hits The Pause Button
This is from a while back, but I feel it buttresses (pause) my claim that Gus Johnson should be paired with Dick Vitale. Sure, they're on different networks and their collective screaming would surely destroy us all. But at least the next time Dickie V. starts a massive Dook fellatefest, there'll be...
"Everything Stops When The Bobcats Play"
I've gone to four NBA games the last two seasons - courtesy of fellow Weekend Daddy Unsilent Majority's Verizon Center season tickets - and somehow three of them have involved the Bobcats. Despite that, I'm pretty sure I could count on one hand the number of Charlotte jerseys I've seen. Nevertheles...
Michael Turner Is Free To Be Mediocre
Erstwhile Chargers running back Michael Turner, best known to fantasy players as the guy you picked up in a late round in hopes that LaDainian Tomlinson would get injured (BUT NNNOOOOOO HE HAD TO WAIT FOR THE PLAYOFFS FOR THAT), got on the 6-year-deal train which seems so popular this off-season and...
Cold Beer, Blind Luck and Various States of Undress
Since tedious analysis is the stuff of "power rankings," each Monday NHL Closer writer Greg Wyshynski uses a form of universal expression: Success in terms of beer. Before we get to some Islanders Ice Girls inspiration, welcome to The Brewmeister Ratings......
The Ultimate Warrior Edition
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks there's something morbidly fascinating about a guy who looks like he walked out of a Boris Vellejo painting and is also clinically insane....
Golf Clap For #800
The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor....
The Editor-In-Chimp Is Here
Much of your human world continues to horrify and confuse me, most of all your bizarre construct of weekdays. The one you call Will has cast me into my Monday bondage by bludgeoning my mate to death with his advanced human weaponry. How ever did you concoct stick with a nail in it? Sadly, I am now i...
About Last Night...
What you missed while stocking up on Postum......
If Wilt's 100-Point Game Were Modernized
As we conclude another lazy "Baked Doritos and curling on TV" Sunday, we remember that 46 years ago was the night Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points against the New York Knicks (snerk) in a game. And the Dayton Daily News poses a good question: how would it be covered today? Oh, there's nothing bett...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while vomiting profusely ... • 7:00 p.m. — NCAA Basketball: Tennessee at Georgia. The perfect matchup to settle their border dispute. [ESPN2] • 8:00 p.m. — NBA: Nuggets at Rockets. How many teams do you know of that have won 14 straight games and nobody thinks they'll do anything in th...
Randy Moss's Lesser-Rumored Options
Assuming you don't believe MJD's theory that the Patriots already have a deal with Randy Moss and just want to see other teams twist in the wind, the rumors regarding Moss's next destination have been scattered and speculative. Randy Moss to Dallas. Randy Moss to the Giants. Randy Moss to the CFL, e...
"He Had Some Silky Skills ♬ Now He Walks Like Heather Mills"
• Aston Villa fans' jingle about Eduardo's injury took some gumption. [FanIQ] • Herm Edwards was fully aware of the Patriots videotaping him. [FanHouse] • Lance Briggs is staying in Chicago after all. [Luol's Dong] • When Pat Burrell had to live with old people. [Bugs & Cranks] • Jeremy Brown retire...
Eric Byrnes Can Tolerate Men Staring At His Junk
We haven't heard much from Diamondbacks outfielder Eric Byrnes in the offseason, but we can only guarantee it was something EXTREME AND WHOLLY UNPREDICTABLE! ZIGGITY SWISH! He's back this year, and his Diamondbacks were among the first to be drug tested. Byrnes is absolutely comfortable with the pro...
Yankees-Red Sox Feud Reaches Depths Of A Free Hat
If you haven't been paying attention to Hank "Raul Castro" Steinbrenner's words about the Red Sox in the last few days, congratulations! You're officially aware of the 28 other teams of the league....
Kansas Fans Know What Erin Andrews Likes
Unquestioned, kind Kansas fan! Erin Andrews is a true professional who enjoys the game of college basketball. That's why she can be seen on various sidelines of notable games across the country, getting exclusive interviews with today's most prominent coaches and bringing viewers updates as the game...
The Future Of Baseball, As Told By Japanese Programmers
Today's TV has some quality games, plus a little bit for everyone. Some hockey, basketball, NASCAR ... but no baseball. So if you need your baseball fix, why not try Super Baseball 2020 for the Genesis or Super Nintendo, where there's no such thing as foul territory beyond the first and third bases....