mlb Page 531 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Does Mike Winters Look Like He's Kidding?
No, umpire Mike Winters was not fucking kidding you when he punched Matt Kemp out on strikes on Saturday and if you think he's fucking kidding you, then you're the one who is fucking kidding yourself....
All's Well That Ends Well With @TonyLaRussa (Update)
An unspecified Twitter loss is Tony La Russa's Animal Rescue Foundation's gain, which means that Twitter parodies are not only funny, but also save the world. Or at least the cuter part of it....
Bald Eagles Support The Preservation Of Tiger Stadium
Days after a commission ordered the destruction of Tiger Stadium and just hours after the wrecking crew rolled in, a court ordered a temporary halt until Monday, when the whole matter will return to court. Oh, Detroit. [Free Press]...
<em>Moneyball</em>’s Deep: How Baseball Prospectus Is Like The Oakland A’s
Under Billy Beane, the Oakland A's won by scraping together undervalued assets. Since the rest of baseball has started valuing assets properly, the A's are having a harder time. The same thing is happening to baseball's leading propeller-heads....
Adam LaRoche Is A F&*#ing Soldier
The Pirates first baseman on this week's Nate McLouth deal: "It's kind of like being with your platoon in a battle, and guys keep dropping around you." Kellen Winslow adds: "We don't care about nobody except this P." [ESPN]...
Today In Mets Health Calamities
Jose Reyes out indefinitely with a torn hamstring tendon. Also: Johan Santana contracts scarlet fever, team forced to burn down Citi Field to avoid contamination. [New York Daily News]...
The Mask Of Zaun-O
The Orioles' Gregg Zaun has been mocked all year as nothing but a "placeholder" for super-prospect Matt Wieters. The perennial backup catcher, however, outshines young Wieters and every other pro athlete in the most important category of all: Flash animation....
David Ortiz Suffering From Mr. Magoo Syndrome
There are already a million theories as to why David Ortiz has suddenly and cruelly turned into Junior Ortiz, but now David has one of his own to throw into the mix. He needs thicker glasses....
Your Last 300-Game Winner
Did you enjoy Randy Johnson's afternoon skewering of the Nationals? Because you'll probably never get a chance to see that again. (The 300th win part, not the Nationals getting skewered.) [Jayson Stark; Seattle Times]...
Jim Bowden’s (Extremely Brief) Return To Respectability
Jim Bowden, the disgraced ex-Nationals GM, stands accused of stealing ballplayers' bonus money. The team he built is on pace to lose 118 games. Naturally, ESPN wanted to hire him....
Yorvit Torrealba's Son Rescued From Kidnappers
The Colorado catcher's 11-year-old son and two of the boy's uncles were kidnapped in Venezuela, but escaped before any ransom was paid. The incident was kept quiet by police and MLB until it was resolved. (Safely, thank goodness.) [Denver Post]...
The Problem With Wang
All right that's enough, people. Chien-Ming Wang (pronounced "wong," by the way) has been in the major leagues five seasons now and it has been well established that his surname is an English euphemism for "penis." Ha ha, very funny....
Tony La Russa Is Not Laughing At Your Satire
Dugout genius Tony La Russa is suing Twitter, claiming he "suffered significant emotional distress" and "damage to his reputation" because of a fake La Russa account. Sheesh, can't the man take a few jokes about dead pitchers and drunk driving?...
Tiger Stadium To Be Demolished, And 80 People Care
It's already surrounded by empty vodka bottles, tattered blankets and, uh, hubcaps, and that was before an economic development board voted on Tuesday to tear down Tiger Stadium's last remnants....
Is This The End Of Tom Glavine?
Tommy Glavine was all set to make his major league debut this season, after fully rehabbing from offseason surgery and throwing 11 straight shutout innings in the minors—right before the Braves said, "Thanks, but no thanks."...
Mets Get Swine Flu Scare, Creating Conditions For Tabloid Perfect Storm
A producer for the Mets television network may have swine flu, and Carlos Beltran and John Maine both have unspecified stomach ailments. Rest assured this story will be handled with measured calm and forbearance by the New York media. Wait, what's that? "Pig Panic"? Never mind. [New York Post]...
Vicente Padilla Is Good At Making People, Androids Angry
Mark Teixeira after his double-plunk from Padilla: "Unfortunately, that guy has been doing it his whole career. Every time I've faced him since there seems to be balls near my head, near my body, and today I got hit twice. There's really no reason for it." [DMN]...
Brady Anderson Defends Angelos From Cruelties Of SI Article
"Meddling" Orioles owner Peter Angelos was named "The Worst Owner In Baseball" by SI. This has chafed former 50-home run fluke Brady Anderson, who penned a column for the Baltimore Sun to defend him. Some reasons why Angelos is great: he's compassionate, caring, a son of Greek immigrants. [Steady Bu...
David Ortiz Is Still Worth More Than General Motors
David Ortiz's putrid 2009 numbers — .185, 1 HR, 18 RBI, 48 strikeouts — don't qualify for a government bailout, as his statistics translate to an approximate worth on the free agent market of negative $5.2 million. At least he's more valuable than Delmon Young. [Fangraphs, via Simon on Sports]...
It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Gatorade
The fancy schmancy Gatorade dispenser that has adorned the home dugout at Wrigley Field this summer is being removed and replaced with a boring old water cooler. Why? Because people can't be trusted to have nice things....