mo Page 591 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Your '90s High School Movie Cast Power Rankings
American Reunion comes out today, and I'll confess to liking it a bit more than Grierson does. I agree that these characters aren't close to interesting enough to justify four movies, but I can't help but admire the simply, ingenious premise: Just turn it into a high school reunion. It's a bit baffl...
"Motherfuckin' Shit! Take Your Ass Home!" Or, Why The Baltimore Orioles Matter
The best night of the 2011 baseball season in Baltimore was the final one. For once, for the first time in years, the whole country was watching. And what it saw was a thing of joy. There were the Boston Red Sox, all $161 million worth of them, one out away from a 3-2 victory and, at worst, a one-ga...
Cockblocked By The SDSU Aztec!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
The Wonderlic Test Proves The NFL Is Stupid
Here is an indisputable fact, one of the very few that exist surrounding the mysterious and dreaded Wonderlic Test: the Wonderlic is not meant for football. Over 75 years, only a few thousand of the more than a hundred million test takers have been NFL hopefuls. It is a test of problem solving and c...
20 Years Ago, Hollywood Became Self-Aware; Or, How A Robert Altman Movie Helped Create TMZ
Everybody loves a comeback. It's always gratifying to see an athlete or musician or actor rebound from a potentially career-threatening injury or drug problems or racist comment and re-emerge to reign triumphant again. Of course, there's also a selfish component to other people's comebacks: On some ...
From The Sports Guy Vault: Bill Simmons Says Tear Down Fenway Park
Let's return to the Bill Simmons Archive, a collection of Boston Sports Guy columns salvaged from the defunct AOL Digital Cities. In honor of Red Sox opening day, let's look at an old column calling for the demolition of Fenway Park—and the construction of something totally new and different in its ...
Joey Votto's New Contract Is Like A Mortgage-Backed Security
Reds first baseman Joey Votto officially signed a big contract extension today. A big, honking deal: 10 years, $225 million, on top of the two years and $26 million the Reds already promised him for 2012 and 2013. There's an option year for 2024....
Why Did We Ever Like These Movies? <i>American Reunion</i>, Reviewed.
When you think of the big franchises of the last 10-15 years, you've got your Lord of the Rings and The Matrix and Harry Potter. But in its own special category has to be American Pie. For a four-year run starting in the late '90s, Jim and Stifler and the rest of their Michigan crew were Hollywood's...
Baltimore Orioles Find A New Way To Lose To The Baltimore Orioles
Near the end of spring training, major league teams will sometimes schedule an exhibition match against a local minor league or college squad. It provides for some local buzz, the minor league team gets to say they played against major league talent, some money often goes to charity, and everyone go...
Lebanese Basketball Player Has Career Night, Scores 106 Points Above His Season Average
Mohammad El Akkari is a guard for Moutahed, Tripoli, in Lebanon's Division A League Final 8. He scored 113 points in Tuesday's 173-141 victory against Bejjeh, Jbeil—a slight improvement over his season average of 7.6 points per game. Akkari was 40 of 69 from the field, including 32 of 59 from 3-poin...
Annals Of Bullshit: The Myth Of The Myth Of Cal Ripken's Historic Home Run
Twenty years ago, Oriole Park at Camden Yards brought in an era of fake history in baseball architecture. So it fits that The Baltimore Sun's roundup of the park's greatest moments would feature fake history too. For the No. 1 moment, baseball beat reporter Dan Connolly described the night Cal Ripke...
The Ever-Inflating Joe Flacco: "I Think I'm The Best"
It was only back in January, on the eve of his fourth postseason appearance in as many seasons, that Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco demanded a little credit for being a playoff quarterback. Baltimore subsequently defeated Houston before losing to New England, thus keeping Flacco's reputation solidly ...
<em>Titanic</em>: The Original <em>Twilight</em>
On April 10, 1998, my sister came to visit me in Los Angeles. That was her 18th birthday, and while she was ostensibly heading to Los Angeles to visit her older brother, the real reason she made the trip was to assert her newfound independence: She was gonna get a tattoo....
Joe DiMaggio's Corpse Has Endorsed A Candidate For Broward County Sheriff
Joe DiMaggio has been dead for 13 years and thinks you should elect Louie Granteed to be Broward County's sheriff. Actually, Granteed got the endorsement of Morris Engelberg, DiMaggio's lawyer and confidante and guy who's been making money off the DiMaggio estate for years. But as the executor of th...
Marlins Park, Camden Yards, And The End Of The Retro Ballpark
Marlins Park has been unveiled to the masses, and early reviews are fawning. "Contemporary," "dazzling," "forward-looking." The only thing not state-of-the-art is a true center field camera (perhaps the home run sculpture is in the way)....
Taco B.M. Monster Wins Name Of The Year
The votes are counted, the tallies tallied, and Dutch medical professional Taco B.M. Monster has been awarded the Name of the Year, beating out such luminaries as Commie Spead, Monsterville Horton IV, and Madz Negro. Next year's tournament starts "soonish." [NOTY]...
Russian Soccer Fans Taunt Opponents With Blowjobby Tifo
Spartak Moscow supporters, with an ingenuity far surpassing their maturity, rigged up a penis banner to mouth-sodomize the mascot of rival Zenit Saint Petersburg. I think the fact that it's bestiality precludes any accusations of homophobia. [Off The Post]...
The Flyers' Wayne Simmonds Scored A Goal With His Face
Wayne Simmonds was a bloody mess after scoring a goal with his face in the second period of Philadelphia's 4-3 shootout loss to Ottawa today, but credit to the Flyers' winger for showing toughness and returning to help his team force overtime after being down 3-0. Still, though, wearing a visor w...
Today In Jose Canseco Tweets As Motivational Posters: Stop Global Warming
This is a feature wherein we celebrate Jose Canseco by creating motivational posters out of his actual tweets. We believe it is in this context that the world can best appreciate our favorite Bash Brother....
Jamie Moyer Made The Colorado Rockies Rotation, Is Old
Not only did Moyer make the rotation, he is slotted to be the second starter behind Jeremy Guthrie. He is 49 years old and will become the oldest pitcher to win a game in the Major Leagues. Notes the Denver Post:...