mo Page 611 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Disgraced Ex-FIFA VP Plans To Disgrace FIFA President With "Tsunami" Of Corruption Charges
FIFA, if you are so inclined to take notice, is potentially in the midst of a total organizational breakdown, because we're now hearing what we already knew all along: FIFA is very corrupt. This is a special breakdown, though, because it is one in which the accused person in power attempts to deflec...
A List Of Places Where Brett Favre Is Also Not Going, Yet
There is a special moment in the news cycle during which outlets report on things that are not happening, but that maybe could happen, but that also could not not happen because it would be so interesting if they did happen. Do you follow?...
Derrick Mason Says Those Five Games He Played For The Jets Never Actually Happened
From the New York Post: "To me, I went from Baltimore to here [the Texans]," Mason told The Post after the Ravens beat his new team 29-14. "I don't know what you're talking about when you mention that other place, but this place here I'm excited about."...
THIS GUY Will Be Calling <em>MNF</em> For Another Five Years
ESPN hailed Gruden's contract extension as an "exclusive" one that will keep him in the booth and out of coaching through 2016. Which means we can all look forward to a lot more of this. [Awful Announcing]...
Shitty <i>MNF</i> Game To Be Matched In Shittiness Only By Shitty <i>MNF</i> Intro
Doing a new one every week could be a good thing. Detroit! Blue collar town. Oh look, there's Barry Sanders! So what does the New York metropolitan area get for Monday's suckfest against the Dolphins? Fireman Ed, and "the passion and loyalty of the fan base." [Newsday]...
Oh, Great, Now Conference USA Is Merging With The Mountain West To Form A 22-Team Conference
Because why the fuck not, at this point? [MWC]...
Cockblocked On A Boat!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
SprtsCntr: Tony Romo Gets Petulant; Plus, More Wisdom From Eduardo Perez
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
Tony Romo Boldly Predicts That The Cowboys Will Win A Super Bowl "At Some Point"
There was Namath, there was Ryan, and then there was Romo: "This team is going to win a Super Bowl at some point. It's going to be exciting when that time comes." Smart move here. You really can't go wrong when your deadline is some time between now and, say, the apocalypse. [PFT]...
Great Sex Can Literally Blow Your Mind And Wipe Your Memory Clean
According to a case study in the September issue of the Journal of Emergency Medicine, a husband was so good at pleasuring his 54-year-old wife, she temporarily couldn't remember the previous 24 hours—a condition called transient global amnesia....
The Philadelphia Eagles' Dream Is Still Alive
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
Crazed Fan Swarms Minnesota Lynx During Championship Parade In Pedestrian Mall
The Minnesota Lynx won the 2011 WNBA championship today, after defeating the Atlanta Dream, 73-67, for a three-game sweep in the finals. They were feted by a parade in downtown Minneapolis this afternoon: 15,000 fans came out to Nicollet Mall, and 4,500 more joined the team at the Target Center. All...
Hank Williams Jr. Gets Much-Needed Public Support From Kid Rock
Detroit native Kid Rock celebrated in the Lions' locker room after their 24-13 win on Monday Night Football last night. "I'm Detroit 'til I die," he told gathering reporters....
South Africa To Miss Out On Africa Cup Of Nations After Deliberately Playing To Boring 0-0 Draw
The South African national soccer team intentionally played to a 0-0 draw against Sierra Leone this past Saturday, and then danced across the field in celebration of having qualified for the 2012 Africa Cup of Nations. The problem: Bafana Bafana, as the team is known, had not qualified for the 2012 ...
Semi-Sentient Mammals Of The NFC North: Your <i>Monday Night Football</i> Open Thread
Cutler! Stafford! Suh! Urlacher! And a cast of 102 other players, many of them memorable in their own right. It's Bears/Lions on ESPN, with Detroit trying to keep pace with Green Bay, and Chicago merely trying to stay above water....
Hank Williams Jr. Has Recorded A Rollicking Obama/<i>Fox & Friends</i>/ESPN Diss Track Called "Keep The Change" (Updated)
You know what's inherently lame? Country music battle songs. In aggressive country music battles, the only gauge for how "bad" someone is is how angrily they can say "America" or "U.S.A." while still maintaining a legitimate twang. Nevertheless, disgraced "Are You Ready For Some Football?" singer ...
Unlucky Biker Gets Jacked Up By An Antelope
Evan van der Spuy was expecting a quiet little race through a South African game reserve over the weekend. He'd get some exercise, maybe win some prize money, maybe even see some animals!...
The Titans Recovered. The Steelers Recovered. The Titans Recovered. The Steelers Recovered...
Your morning roundup for Oct. 10, the day we learned of the moral superiority of babies. Photo of confused officials via Guyism. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
This Year, Ryan Howard's Season-Ending At-Bat Resulted In Physical Injury
Your morning roundup for Oct. 8, the day we learn that it's best just to plead guilty when caught handing out semen-tainted yogurt at the market. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Nyjer Morgan Celebrated The Brewers' Series Win With A Double "Fuck Yeah!" Live On TBS
The triumphant Brew Crew defeated Arizona, 3-2, in extras, and hooray for them—they won their first playoff series since 1982. Accordingly, Nyjer Morgan, everyone's favorite weirdo who delivered the winning hit, got nuts on Sam Ryan's mic. Haven't you heard, TBS? You can't script October....