mo Page 670 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

I Feel Your Pain, 7-Foot K-State Clarinetist
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

We Will All Work For Mario Lemieux One Day
Steel City patron saint Mario Lemieux and shady creepster Ron Burkle, co-owners of the Pittsburgh Penguins, approached the Pittsburgh Pirates with an "unsolicited offer" to buy the MLB team, according to the Post-Gazette. Yinzers, cross your fingers....

TCU, Lacking BCS Recognition, Tries A Little Branding
A TCU student is planning to sue everyone and everybody after being branded with his fraternity's letters. That student's name: Amon Carter IV. Hey, don't the Horned Frogs play in Amon G. Carter Stadium?...

Randy Winn The Final Straw For Aggrieved Yankee Fan
The signing of Randy Winn instead of Johnny Damon has convinced one season ticket holder not to renew. I agree. A lineup of only eight 8-figure salaried all-stars just doesn't show enough of a commitment to winning....

Today In Hilarious Baseball Stat Acronym Humor
Ron Borges, ladies and germs, on UZR: "I thought those were the initials of a former Russian state only to learn it means Ultimate Zone Rating." [Boston Herald]...

Dear Bill Simmons, Please Stop Feeling My Pain For Me
I know many of you find Simmons bashing a tiresome pursuit, so I will keep this as civil as I possibly can....

PRETTY BIRD! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Dead Wrestler Of The Week: "Dr. Death" Steve Williams
Every week, the Masked Man, Deadspin's pro wrestling correspondent, honors the sport's fallen and examines their legacies — famous and obscure alike. Today: "Dr. Death" Steve Williams, who died of throat cancer on Dec. 29....

Last Night's Winner: Clappers
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like those who enjoy giving standing ovations every time they hear something they like. Try this in your regular life today and see how it goes....

Surprise Surprise, The Hall Of Fame Gets It Wrong
Despite his very public preference to go in as a Cub, Andre Dawson's HOF plaque will see him wearing an Expos cap. This is all Wade Boggs's fault. (Really.)...

Athlete Dong: <em>Omnium-Gatherum</em> And Critical Analysis
Poor Greg Oden — his penis made him an unfortunate rising Google-trender. Of course, Oden isn't the first athlete to have his privates posted online. The Awl's Choire Sicha, Deadspin House Gay, provides commentary on sport's many peacocks....

This Dog Likes Racing Dirt Bikes
Well, I wouldn't say "likes racing" them, so much as "clings to the handlebars frozen in terror as his owner races them."...

Whites-Only Basketball League Promoter Is Determined To Make His Point. Badly.
Bomani Jones interviewed Don "Moose" Lewis, the brains behind the controversial all-white basketball league. Lewis does his best to explain how the league is not racist or segregated ("it's like a private club") but not very well. Fascinating stuff. [HardcoreSportsRadio]...

Cockblocked by Justin Long! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Dead Wrestler Of The Week: Ludvig Borga
Every week, the Masked Man, Deadspin's pro wrestling correspondent, honors the sport's fallen and examines their legacies — famous and obscure alike. Today: Ludvig Borga, who died Jan. 8 of an apparently self-inflicted gunshot wound....

Last Night's Winner: Anti-Tobacco Activists
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like people who can't decide which Durham-area basketball team they hate more. The Tar Heels or the Dukies? Now it's easier than ever to do both!...

Sports Fella Summons His Inner Black Guy For LeBron James Column, With Humorous Results
Bill Simmons watched LeBron James play basketball in person and he's very excited about it. We're talking 3,144 words of excitement and awe and Witnessing. Then he some how managed to go overboard beyond his usual overboarding....

Goal Of The Year? Goal Of The Year.
The ECHL's Victoria Salmon Kings get their puck-handling on, and inspire an entire generation of aspiring athletes to think pass first. Oh wait, no they didn't....

AFC Playoff Open Thread: Flaccos. Mannings. Go.
The Baltimore Ravens were my mid-season Super Bowl pick and I'm sticking to it. Even if they lose. Peyton Manning is out to prove he can go deep in the playoffs without Dungy and his reliable receiver-who-possibly-shot-some-guy. [NFL.com]...

Romo-Favre Manlove Getting A Little Unbearable
Thank goodness the game's just two days away. We're dangerously close to the two just calling a press conference and fellating each other in front of the assembled media....