mo Page 679 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Deadspin Guest NFL Prognosticator (Thinks He) Wins Big
A message from Mr. Sicha: "SUCK IT EVERYONE, AS I WENT SIX FOR SIX IN MY NFL PICKS." Humor him. He's not counting "the spread" even though his column is called "The Spread".[The Awl]...
Tom Brady Is Out Of Suzy Kolber's League
Tom Brady was lucky to escape last night with a win. Needless to say, escaping Suzy Kolber's post-game advances wasn't as easy. [With Leather](Video BarStoolSports/NYC)...
Arch Criminals Make Off With Baltimore's Only Memory Of Cal Ripken Jr.
How bad has crime become in Baltimore now that The Wire is off the air? Hooligans pilfered a three-foot high aluminum number "8" from Camden Yards last week. Now no one in the city can count to nine....
You May Now Commence Swooning
Summon the trumpets and cry the hosannas! Tackle football shall be played on the evening of the day following Sunday, and your beloved hero has returned to lead you home. Also, the Raiders will be involved....
Dude, You're Making Out With A Dude
Football season is upon us, which means that thousands of angry, horny, feisty pretend fans will converge upon this great nation's red cup-littered parking lots to participate in traditional tailgating revelry. These are not those stories....
Derrick Mason's Response To Keyshawn's Raven-Bashing: "You're The Bum!" (UPDATE)
Gifted trash talkers as they are, Keyshawn Johnson and Cris Carter's insults do not always prove true. After shitting all over Baltimore's offense by calling Joe Flacco "a bum," the Ravens exploded Sunday and fired back at the analysts....
Men With Telestrators Can't Stop Drawing Dongs
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
The Sports Fella, Now Sponsored By Crappy Beer
Simmons' NFL picks column now features "The Miller Lite Great Call of the Week." ESPN.com's editor explains the product placement thusly: "Bill Simmons is the shiniest object we can offer." Next up: TMQ's Mercedes-Benz Anti-Semitic Rant of the Week. [Slate]...
Does Miguel Cabrera Need a Valtrex Prescription?
Wow, that's a grody canker, isn't it? Anyway, Michigan and Notre Dame are still battling it out and USC and Ohio State comes later, so consider this your open thread. And oh, I have a fun story for y'all!...
Most Auburn Fans Are Doltish Cretins, Obviously
Have you ever been to Auburn? No? Well, I have, and IT SUCKS! Which is why, in order to "attract" recruits, the program has to dispatch its illiterate boosters to harass the nation's top prep talent into signing with them....
Richard Seymour Boldly Accepts His Deportation to the North Korea of the NFL
Richard Seymour has agreed to play for the Raiders this season and is expected to suit up for the team Monday night against the Chargers. We think Seymour's wife Tanya will fit right in with the Oakland Coliseum fans. [ESPN]...
I Hope Your Team Wins At Sports This Weekend!
Thank you for letting me play in your sandbox today. I have no idea what any of you are talking about! That being said, you dudes were great. I hope it's not awkward when we run into each other later!...
Also Never Forget...Sad Mike Piazza Dressed Like Fonzie On A Rooftop
"Perched mere blocks from the smoky ruins on Sunday, Sept. 16, 2001, a distraught Mike Piazza grieved for his adopted city." Christ. [SI]...
Never Forget
So since it's THAT day, I've decided to re-run this item I wrote for the Emeritus roast extravaganza. This is our anniversary, too. Kind of. Enjoy it again, if you'd like....
The One With The Best Barry Switzer Story EVER
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....
Triumph Of Will
So many of you sent in photos capturing Leitch's brief cameo on YES (photos sent via computer of a TV screen on which a writer is staring at a computer screen) that we decided to make a pretty gallery. Enjoy!...
Always Be Remembering 9/11 (During NASCAR Blow-Ups)
Down in Richmond, VA, today it's going to be all like, "Always— what?" (Vroom vroom sound effects.) "Always remem—huh?" Yes, the NASCAR 9-11 Ford Fusion is racing today! You will always never forget, until it crashes. (Well? NASCAR!)...
Proud Americans Are Getting Hosed For Ballpark Beer (Never Forget)
Why does baseball hate America? America is beer, and baseball hates beer-lovers....
Raiders Make Richard Seymour An Offer He Can't Accept
Good news! If Richard Seymour doesn't report within five days he doesn't have to play for the Raiders this year! He's also suspended and won't get paid his $3.6 million salary, but life is full of compromises, isn't it? [ESPN]...