nan Page 68 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Resurrection Of Fernando Torres
Fernando Torres does not suck anymore. It may sound like fairly unremarkable praise to say that a rich and famous professional athlete manages to wring enough competence out of the limbs and lungs that have made him a millionaire dozens of times over to not be actively bad at his job. But for Torres...
These Korean Announcers Are Excited As Hell About Byung-ho Park's Huge Dingers
The Twins lost the first nine games of the regular season, then won four in a row, and finally lost again today to the Brewers. Their scoring has (obviously) increased greatly during their run of newfound competence, and their rookie first baseman Byung-ho Park has been at the center of it all. He’s...
Korean Announcers Lose Their Shit Over Dae-Ho Lee's 10th-Inning Walk-Off Dinger
The Mariners stopped their five-game skid in the most emphatic way possible: by walking off the winners after a big ole’ dinger in the tenth inning against a division rival. You can watch the official MLB version of Dae-Ho Lee’s home run against the Rangers if you want, but we recommend these Korean...
Your Last-Minute, Pants-Shitting Guide To Taxes
Oh holy living fuck, Tax Day is Monday! Have you filed yet? Do you owe penalties? SHIT YOU’RE GOING TO FUCKING JAIL. You better run. I know a place in Mexico where you can lie low for a bit while the Feds go searching for you. It’ll buy you the time you need, and then you can jump a shipping freight...
Warriors Tie The NBA Mark For Wins, Screw Spurs Out Of The League's Home Wins Record
The Golden State Warriors pulled off a fantastic triple tonight with their 92-86 win over the Spurs. They won straight-up as the greatest 3.5-point underdogs the league may ever see. They handed their fiercest rival the only home loss of the season, denying San Antonio a chance to top the ’85-’86 Ce...
Apparently, The Phillies Don't Know The Rules Of Baseball
Today in “Things Only The Phillies And Little Leaguers Do,” watch Phillies second baseman Cesar Hernandez get doubled off on a called infield fly....
Peanut Butter Is Your Salvation In a Jar
“This advice can be fatal,” wrote Dr. Henry J. Heimlich to the New York Times in 1981, protesting their suggestion to pregame with peanut butter to curb overeating. “We have records of persons choking to death after eating peanut butter off a spoon. The problem is that the thick substance becomes lo...
Don't Forget These Great, Easy Tax Deductions
Still haven’t done your taxes yet? Me either. Lucky us: we get an extra three days this year. But you should still get on that....
If Atlético Madrid Don't Beat Barcelona Next Week, Nobody Will
Now this—with intensity overflowing from the first whistle until the last, and frantic, blitzkrieg attacking being thwarted by heroic defending—was everything El Clásico was not....
Jim Nantz, A Tremendous Weirdo, Gave His Tie To Ryan Arcidiacono
Imagine you are Villanova guard Ryan Arcidiacono, a senior who just helped your team win one of the greatest championship games in NCAA history. You’re sweaty, you’re euphoric, and you’re covered in confetti. You want to scream and hug your teammates and find your family. You turn toward the crowd, ...
Felix Hernandez's Loss Was One Of The Weirdest In Baseball History
Felix Hernandez is one of the best pitchers working today, and until this afternoon, he’d never lost an Opening Day start. Thanks in part to the King’s dominance over the past half-decade, the Mariners had a chance to become the first team since the 19th century to win ten straight openers. But the ...
Lawsuit: Baylor Took No Action To Investigate Rape Involving Football Player
A former Baylor student is suing the university, saying that it took no action on her report that a football player raped her. That former player, Tevin Elliott, is serving 20 years in prison for his 2014 conviction for sexually assaulting her. The lawsuit also asserts that the university already kn...
Jim Nantz Appears To Be Insane
In attempt to teach you what real pain is, Golf Digest decided to let Jim Nantz go Kerouac on everyone’s ass. You should never expose yourself to Jim Nantz’s stream-of-consciousness musings, but I would like to briefly draw your attention to his deeply disturbing anecdote about toast:...
Boban Marjanovic Executes Slowest Dunking-On In NBA History
Gregg Popovich rested his starters last night in Oklahoma City, or rather, he unleashed Boban Marjanovic on the Thunder. He didn’t exactly play very well (somehow he only grabbed six rebounds?), but he did manage to pull off the most glacial dunk of the 2016 season, over 60 percent of OKC’s starting...
Conan O'Brien's Monologue Was All About Garry Shandling
Garry Shandling, one of the two or three most influential comedians of the era, died yesterday at the age of 66. There are a ton of really good tributes and remembrances out there, and I hope you’ll share your favorites in the comments, but in the meantime enjoy this one: Conan O’Brien last night, s...
Gregg Popovich's Scheming Threw The Warriors Off Their Game
The Spurs dealt the Warriors their seventh loss of the season last night down in San Antonio, and held the Dubs to just 79 points in the process. Those who switched over from college basketball hoping for a more exciting game probably would have had more fun sticking with March Madness, since the Sp...
Fernando Alonso Walks Away From Devastating Wreck At Australian Grand Prix
Fernando Alonso’s car tore itself to shreds after a wreck on the 17th lap of today’s Australian Grand Prix, but the Spaniard walked away in a testament to the safety standards of the world racing series....
You Don't Belong Up There, Austin Rivers
It’s almost time for the NBA playoffs, otherwise known as the time of year when non-Clippers fans are reminded that Austin Rivers still, somehow, plays 20 minutes a game. Based on this play from last night’s Clippers-Spurs game, Rivers is ready to do his thing on the big stage....
Squeaky Spurs Fan Weakly Attempts To Heckle J.J. Redick
While Jamal Crawford was shooting free throws during Tuesday night’s game against the Spurs, the NBA TV mics picked up a high-pitched Spurs fan attempting to heckle his teammate J.J. Redick:...