nba-playoffs Page 42 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Draymond Green's Dick Punch Has Earned Him A Suspension From Game 5
Per a release from the NBA, Draymond Green will miss tomorrow night’s Game 5 for accruing four flagrant foul points over the course of the playoffs. The NBA reviewed Green’s swipe at LeBron James’ dick and balls and determined that it warranted a flagrant foul. James was also assessed a technical fo...
Meanwhile, An Update On Draymond Green
Draymond “The Sterilizer” Green helped his team’s cause en route to the Warriors’ win tonight in Game 4....
What's Wrong With The Warriors? Nothing, Chill The Hell Out.
The Warriors are plenty easy to dislike. There’s Draymond. There’s the techno-libertarian scum that’s (unfairly) come to represent them. There are the moving screens. There’s Kevin Draper. There’s all the winning, which, in an NBA postseason that really hasn’t had more than a handful of entertaining...
The Cavs Knocked The Stuffing Out Of The Warriors, And We Got Ourselves A Series
The most spectacular play LeBron James made tonight was his pogo-stick leap up to grab a stray Kyrie Irving alley-oop, but if there’s one particular play that embodied the overwhelming beatdown the Cavaliers administered upon the heads of the Warriors, it was one that didn’t even count. Towards the ...
LeBron Jumped To The Moon To Slam This Alley-Oop Home
LeBron scrambled to his knees to recover this ball and ping it to Kyrie Irving, who tossed this alley-oop about three feet too high. Most humans (hell, most NBA players) wouldn’t be able to ascend, grab the wayward pass, and slam it violently into the hoop, but LeBron had no problem at all with it....
Should Intent Matter When A Lousy Player Whacks A Guy In The Dick And Balls?
For my money, the strangest moment of last night’s lopsided NBA Finals Game 1 came just after Cavaliers guard Matthew Dellavedova whacked Warriors forward Andre Iguodala in the dick and balls....
The Warriors Didn't Even Need Their Stars To Wallop The Cavs
Here’s how thorough the whooping the Warriors bench put on the Cavaliers in tonight’s 104-89 beatdown was: Shaun Livingston got a curtain call; the Cavs’ best highlight was a nutshot; Brandon Rush and Timofey Mozgov played; Golden State’s bench outscored Cleveland’s 45-5 before a brief garbage time ...
Matthew Dellavedova Thumps Andre Iguodala In The Dick And Balls
Earlier today, we had Matthew Dellavedova atop our rankings of the most hateable players in the NBA Finals, and he lived up to his billing in short order, striking the first blow against an opponent’s dick and balls. The victim? Andre Iguodala....
Donald Trump Doesn't Know Shit About The Bay Area
Vulgar olive loaf Donald Trump is hitting the campaign trail in California in advance of the state’s June 7 primary. A good way to appeal to your constituents is to show that you’re “one of them” by feigning nominal interest in their sports teams. If you do this, though, you should have a working se...
Whatever Happens, Anderson Varejão Is Going To Be A Dude With A Championship Ring
The Warriors are a ruthlessly efficient team run by a fiery, undersized center who will take out his anger on your dick and balls and a teeny-tiny point guard who carries himself with a non-insistent swagger, and they’re owned by a techno-libertarian pug who named his dogs after Ayn Rand characters....
An Extremely Helpful NBA Finals Preview For Basketball Morons
Hello, casual basketball viewer! The NBA Finals begin tonight, pitting LeBron James’s Cleveland Cavaliers against Ayn Rand’s Golden State Warriors in a rematch of last season’s Finals, which the Warriors won in six games. Here’s what to expect, what to look for, and what to pretend to know about eac...
The Hater’s Guide To The 2016 NBA Finals
A few years ago, when my children were very small, I lamented the fact that I had to cut a great deal of sports out of my life. This happens when you have a baby. There’s no time to watch a tetrafinal playoff game because the kid needs to be fed or taken for a stroll or put to bed or have its butt w...
Guy Who Promised To Eat His Shirt If The Warriors Won Eats His Shirt
Reddit user PARTYxDIRTYDAN was feeling pretty confident about the Oklahoma City Thunder’s chances against the Golden State Warriors. Even after the Warriors came storming back to win Game 6 on Saturday night, our man was feeling strong enough to promise that he’d eat his shirt if the Warriors went o...
Steph Curry Remembered Who He Is, And That Was That
The Western Conference finals generated a lot of conversation about tactics and matchups. Lineups were scrutinized, the length and athleticism of the Thunder were deemed A Problem for the Warriors, and everyone wondered how Steph Curry was supposed to regain his balance amid all those long arms and ...
Let's Appreciate The Cruel Efficiency Of Klay Thompson's Game 6 Three-Point Orgy
Presumably a couple of goatherds in the Eurasian Steppe and perhaps deep-water oil platform welders in the North Sea are still unaware, so let’s start with the obvious: Klay Thompson had himself a night Saturday. The other Golden State guard took over the elimination Game 6 for the Warriors to such ...
The Golden State Warriors Will Win The NBA Finals
Draymond Green is bad. Steph Curry is Chucky Atkins. No matter. Klay Thompson is a blank-eyed three-shooting robot from space and no one will ever stop the Warriors. I’ll die before they lose again. Burn in hell, Oklahoma City Thunder....
The Cavaliers Are Back In The Finals
Cleveland beat Toronto 113-87 tonight. James Jones will make his sixth straight Finals, a momentous achievement. Good for him. ...
Russell Westbrook Tells Us How He Really Feels About Steph Curry's Defense
After last night’s loss to the Golden State Warriors, Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant were asked if they think Steph Curry is an underrated defender. Westbrook reacted like he’d just been asked if he likes to shop at T.J. Maxx....
The Warriors Aren't Dead Yet
It was simple enough to write the Warriors off when they were down 3-1, on the brink of elimination (only nine teams have ever come back from such a deficit), but they are not dead yet. The Thunder effectively blitzed them into submission in both games in Oklahoma City, and while Russell Westbrook a...