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This Evening: A Team So Funny, We Forgot To Laugh
Your p.m. roundup for Aug. 2, the day we tricked you into thinking it was our birthday again. Photo via Slashfilm. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Braylon Edwards Has The Kind Of Résumé No Free Agent Wide Receiver Would Want
Former Jets and Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards is a free agent. Edwards is 6' 3", spry, a leaper. He has 39 touchdowns in six seasons, which ties him for 23rd among active players. And he's one of the youngest in that bunch....

Colin Cowherd Predicts NFL Teams Will Go 268-244 This Year
Cowherd has the entire league 24 games over .500. Such optimism! It's what makes him the best. [ESPN Radio, via Dan Steinberg]...

Thankfully, Nyjer Morgan Has Continued Giving Postgame Interviews In Character
Yes, the Brewers have won seven in a row and opened up moderate leads on not-good-enough St. Louis and really-not-good-enough Pittsburgh, but that success isn't the most exciting thing in Milwaukee baseball. Nor is Prince Fielder's contract year or John Axford's mustache or the Yuniesky Betancourt...

Miami Cries Out For A Neckbearded Savior
Lo, the echoing green of Sun Life Stadium. A scrimmage, Dolphin against Dolphin, for the hearts and minds of the Dolphin faithful. And who should presume to represent the faithful, their unshattered, unshaken loyalty, their loyal teal? A leader; a general; a man....

This Woman's Kneecap Is Pretty Sure That Asdrubal Cabrera Hit A Two-Run Homer Last Night
In the eighth inning of the Indians-Red Sox game last night, with the game tied at five runs apiece, Asdrubal Cabrera's hit a line drive to right field that was initially ruled a single. Umpires reviewed the play and called it a homer — Cabrera's second of the night — to give Cleveland a two-run l...

Randy Moss: The Weirdest Ever
Randy Moss is the most dangerous receiver to ever play in the NFL and the single most exciting player that ever played for my favorite team, Adrian Peterson included. He also happened to be the weirdest person ever to step onto a football field. ...

The Best 9-Year Old Girl Pro Wrestler You'll See All Day
From Japanese women's wrestling promotion Stardom comes this amazing match pitting Canadian Kenny Omega against Haruka, the tiny terror of the turnbuckles. And before you dismiss it as just a cute stunt, give Haruka a chance — she combines the technical skills of Dean Malenko, the high-flying abil...

Somebody Needs To Tell Hunter Pence To Lay Off The Donuts
Your morning roundup for Aug. 2, the day shoplifting just didn't pay. Photo via The 700 Level. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Will ESPN's Coverage Of Northwestern's Dan Persa Convince ESPN To Cover Dan Persa? ESPN Investigates
This is a story on ESPN.com about a Heisman marketing campaign launched by Northwestern on behalf of quarterback Dan Persa. The school has purchased billboard space not in Times Square but in Bristol, Conn., near ESPN headquarters. "Northwestern," writes ESPN's Adam Rittenberg on ESPN.com, "is hopin...

This Evening: Talk To Women The Way Kobe Talks To Alex Morgan, With Both Hands In Your Pants
Your p.m. roundup for Aug. 1, the day 50 naked people really showed Wall Street a thing or two about transparency. Photo via KCKRS. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Kevin Kolb Says It's Time For Him To Be "Unleashed"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Release the Kolb Kraken!...

The Highlight Reel From This Women's Motocross Event Contains The Saddest Highlights Of All Time
Let's go ahead and ignore the slew of kitchen jokes that everyone has already made over on YouTube and admit that we have never attempted to ride on a motocross course, let alone in the "Moto Enduro X," the new X-Games event that struggled its way to completion last night in Los Angeles. For all we ...

We Remind All Big Ten Reporters That Asking For Coach's Autograph Is Not Acceptable (Update: Ed Responds)
Big Ten Media Days in Chicago just wrapped up, and for the most part it was the same boring old questions, asked 100 times by 100 different reporters from across the Midwest. So it takes something special to stand out. Ed Littler, Sports Director at News 5 in Nebraska, you are something special....

Joey Harrington Hit While On A Bicycle In Portland
Former Lions and Dolphins quarterback Joey Harrington has now reached the nadir of his Portland days. He was hit from behind while biking....

Time To Get Unreasonably Angry About LeBron's Akron/Heat T-Shirt
LeBron James shared this photo with the world on his Twitter feed today, and it might just be the perfect LeBron James offense: it is, first of all, coupled with a feel-good story about kids raising money for his foundation with a lemonade stand in New Canaan, Conn., and it is not really an offense ...

Rex Ryan's New Calf Tattoo Is Really Awful
"Converse sneaks. Check. New tattoo. Check. Rex is ready for camp," Jets EVP Matt Higgins tweeted this morning....

Former Teammate Accuses Sean Avery Of Racial Taunts
Alexander Frolov and Sean Avery were teammates in Los Angeles, and again this last season in New York. They're also friends, which makes it all the more surprising that Frolov would volunteer the fun fact that Avery uses racial slurs to try to get under opponents' skins....

If The Lockout Persists, Kobe Bryant Has a Highlight Reel That Might Interest The LA Galaxy
Your morning roundup for Aug. 1, the day we learned what booze is doing to Britain. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Ron Artest Is Still A Little Confused About Why Deadspin Was Calling His Phone
Here's what he told the LA Times: ""You know what man, it was kind of crazy," Artest said. "People are trying to pull not even pranks, but try to stir something up that doesn't make any sense. It really doesn't make any sense. People call you and then pull pranks. I never shied away from the media. ...