new Page 1067 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Bengals Invite Carson Palmer To Retire
Back in January, former No. 1 draft pick Carson Palmer informed the Cincinnati Bengals that he would "contemplate retirement" if ownership refused to honor his request for a trade. At a press conference today, Bengals owner Mike Brown invited him to begin his contemplation:...
The Incomparable Ichiro Swings Through
Two surefire Hall of Famers played in the Bronx last night. One is having the worst season of his career at 37 years old, hitting nearly 60 points off his lifetime average, and still getting paid $17 million. The other one is Derek Jeter....
The Sucker Karate Kick Is Much More Evil Than The Sucker Punch
After a third-round game in a U-20 soccer tournament in Minas Gerais, Brasil on Monday, the players brawled. That brawl suddenly ended, however, when Sport Recife goalkeeper Gustavo karate-kicked Vasco da Gama's Elivelton directly in his neck from behind and with no warning....
Michael "Cy" Cuddyer Was The Twins' Best Pitcher Last Night
I think it's safe and hyperbole-free to say there's nothing we enjoy more in professional sports than when a position player has to come on to pitch. There's always a mix of emotions - the game's already a blowout, so most players just want to get it over with and go home. But for the spot relieve...
R.A. Dickey Totally Just Almost Ate His Boogers
Your morning roundup for July 26, the day we woke up alive after a night in a morgue. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Nixon's Nightmare Was Brought To Life At The White House Today
The world champion San Francisco Giants, accompanied by Willie Mays, visited the White House today, in all their scraggly, bearded glory. President Obama made jokes about Brian Wilson's beard ("I do fear it"), his attire ("Now underneath Brian's beard, and the spandex tuxedo, and the sea captain cos...
This Evening: Keep It Down, Please. Ron Jeremy Is Trying To Sleep At A Bar In New Orleans
Your p.m. roundup for July 25, the day we took the kids to summer camp in a private jet. H/T to Jared for the photo, which was taken over the weekend at NOLA's Carousel Bar at the Hotel Monteleone. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
FIFA Whistleblower Chuck Blazer Is Too Fat To Fit In Town Cars, Has "Trousered" Millions From International Soccer
Remember Chuck Blazer? He's the American FIFA executive who posts pictures of himself wearing boring Halloween costumes and posing with his pet parrot Max, as if cutesy snapshots might convince us that a Santa Claus imposter isn't as scummy as everyone else attached to FIFA....
Rex Ryan Couldn't Wait To Boost And/Or Undermine Mark Sanchez
There's going to be football after all, which means there will be the New York Jets, which means it's time for people to start worrying and wondering about Mark Sanchez again. What can we expect this year from the young fellow who inherited the title of "New York football hero," scare quotes very mu...
Spencer Hawes Honors The Seattle SuperSonics With A Terrible Haircut
The people of Seattle will go to great lengths to honor their former team. They will heckle billionaires. They will refuse free, courtside seats to the NBA playoffs. And they will shave an outline of the Seattle Space Needle into the backs of their heads....
My Frustrating Sexting Sessions With Ron Artest
At first, I thought Ron Artest, the man you may now know as Metta World Peace, and I could become friends. Blame my naivete, ego, or optimism, but I really thought this could be platonic....
On The Phone With Ron Artest, And Matthew Hiltzik, The Michael Clayton Of Dong Shots
Is this true? "No, not at all."...
Mario Balotelli Punished For "Unprofessional"-And-Also-Failed Backheel Goal Attempt
Mario Balotelli, the 20-year-old Italian striker who plays for Manchester City, attempted a backheel goal in a friendly against the L.A. Galaxy on Saturday, and it did not go well. He missed the goal by a few feet and was immediately pulled from the game. Youth soccer coaches across the world are ...
MMA Sexpot Gina Carano Is Starring In A Soderbergh Movie With A Bunch Of Real Actors
A lot of female MMA fighters don't like Gina Carano because they don't look like Gina Carano. Well, shoot. The world ain't fair. Carano hasn't fought in over two years, when she got the bejeezus beat out of her by Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos. Yet Carano has leveraged her pretty face into a pretty sw...
Eric Wedge's Mustache Tweets From The Dead
From an iPhone, no less. When the Mariners' losing streak reached 14 games Saturday night, manager Eric Wedge made the "drastic" decision to shave his 'stache, thinking it might help with karma or whatever. It didn't, as Seattle lost again to Boston yesterday. The People Against Eric Wedge's Mustac...
Breaking: Oddibe McDowell's Water Bill Is $171.45, But That's Because He Didn't Pay Last Month's Bill
Via Broward County Water and Wastewater Services....
Kevin Durant Is Not Ashamed Of His "Business" Tats
News broke last week that Kevin Durant, the humble 22-year-old who also happens to be a professional basketball player, is extremely tatted up. The Thunder blog over at The Oklahoman has some specifics on Durant's ink, which — if you could not already tell from the careful placement — he covers up i...
UFC Ring Girl Arianny Celeste Spotted Making Out With A Giant Banana Penis
These UFC ring girls have tough lives, let me tell you. They prance about in bikinis, get schtupped by fighters and create art that would make Michelangelo weep. None of them appears to have more than a lone synapse firing upstairs. This one is Arianny Celeste. She's the queen of the ring girls. Acc...
The Best Argument For Eliminating Offensive Pass Interference
Different football (Australian), different rules (as far as we can tell from watching this televised Calvinball that airs on the wee hours on ESPN2, there are no rules). But we're still awestruck by this move that Carlton's Andrew Walker pulled on Saturday night....
You Know, Baseball Really Needs To Do More To Protect Its Umpires
Your morning roundup for July 25, the day we learned of the Russians' plans to invade a beach in Brooklyn. H/T to Dave Littlefield for the video, though we kinda wish it had been from the real Dave Littlefield. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....