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The Lions Should Probably Never Play Like That Ever Again
It was a terrible, awful, no good and very bad day for Detroit’s two Matts—Stafford and Patricia—in the Lions’ Monday night season opener against the Jets. Stafford threw four terrible interceptions and finished with a quarterback rating of 47.9, and his shit sandwich of an evening was topped by a p...

Kenny Golladay Might Not Be Playing In His Best Position
The powerful, yet errant, arm of Matthew Stafford certainly must make life as a Lions receiver a bit more difficult than it has to be. You’ll either get a well-placed ball on a deep route, or see the ball sail over your head when your route is anything under 15 yards. To deal with his quarterback’s ...

Darn Old Jets Start New Era In Familiar Bad Way<em></em>
The Jets’ recent history of self-sabotage is already rubbing off on No. 3 overall pick Sam Darnold. Less than 15 seconds into his regular-season debut, he threw the mother of awful passes and gave Detroit, along with Matt Patricia’s beard, an early touchdown lead....

New Zealand Rugby Player's Family Performs Haka For Him After He Makes His Debut
A lot of athletes have their parents in the stands for their games, but how many get a haka performed for them? New Zealand rugby union player Te Toiroa Tahuriorangi made his debut for the All Blacks in Saturday’s 46-24 win over Argentina, and his father, father-in-law, and partner treated him to a ...

Report: Rival Clubs Think Cleveland's Trade For Josh Donaldson Was Shady
According to a report from The Athletic’s Ken Rosenthal, several American League contenders are pissed off at the Indians for the way they completed a trade with the Blue Jays for Josh Donaldson. Toronto agreed to trade Donaldson to Cleveland on Aug. 31, the final day on which Donaldson would still ...

"It's Not My Job," Says Bill O'Brien Of Thing That Is His Job
The Texans hung admirably tight with the Patriots in Foxboro, losing 27-20, but you can’t say they didn’t have their chances to outright win the thing. And a whole lot of the blame for that falls on head coach Bill O’Brien, who was responsible for some iffy fourth-down decisions, a brutally lackadai...

Fresh Out Of More Obscure Maladies, Fate Sends A Baseball Into Noah Syndergaard's Ribs
In a turn of events that is both scarier and less troubling than his recent battle with hand, foot, and mouth disease, Noah Syndergaard was nailed in the ribs by a screaming comebacker Saturday night against the Phillies, and had to leave the game....

Team No Trade Gronk. No Trade! Make Gronk Sad.
Rob Gronkowski’s offseason of uncertainty ended with the lovable galoot coming back to the Patriots on a reworked, healthier contract, for at least one more run at a championship with Bill Belichick and Tom Brady. Part of Gronk’s existential mulling seems to have come from disillusionment with the P...

Two Jezebel Ladies Cover Their First Football Game<em></em>
This week, Deadspin and Jezebel swap beats to celebrate America’s most dangerous and controversial pastimes: football and fashion, two sports that have far more in common than you think....

The Eagles Successfully Ran The Play That Tom Brady Couldn't Complete In The Super Bowl
The Eagles’ offense had basically done nothing all night. They were booed at halftime in the first game of the NFL season. But in the third quarter, the team faced a third down in Falcons territory, so what did they do? They ran the trick play the Patriots failed to execute in the Super Bowl....

NY State Senate Candidate Julia Salazar Was Once Involved In Bizarre Legal Dispute With Keith Hernandez And His Ex-Wife
Five years ago, as Tablet and the Daily Mail reported today, current New York state Senate candidate Julia Salazar sued Kai Hernandez, the ex-wife of former Mets star and baseball announcer Keith Hernandez, for defamation after she said Salazar stole from her, tried to break into her bank account, a...

Gary Sánchez Really Couldn't Catch The Ball Last Night
The mighty Oakland Athletics pantsed the sickly New York Yankees last night at the Coliseum, taking two games from a pretty entertaining three-game preview of the most likely AL Wild Card game matchup. Oakland shot out to a four-run lead in the first inning, though Yanks catcher Gary Sánchez was as ...

Let's All Be Really Wrong About The 2018 NFL Season
For all the things that there are to love about the NFL—idiotic and wholly unaccountable leadership, a profoundly malfunctioning moral compass, the new rules that no one even knows how to enforce, the whole Nathan Peterman Thing—the purest pleasure it offers is the chance to be wrong as hell about ...

Why Your Team Sucks 2018: New England Patriots<em></em>
Some people are fans of the New England Patriots. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New England Patriots. This 2018 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here....

Todd Frazier Duped An Umpire With A Rubber Ball
In Monday’s Mets game against the Dodgers, New York third baseman Todd Frazier made what initially looked to be a spectacular over-the-railing grab on Alex Verdugo. According to the umpire and the official box score, that’s exactly what Frazier did. But a crafty investigation by SNY’s Steve Gelbs ha...

Aaron Boone Tops Ron Gardenhire In Battle Of Colorful Manager Meltdowns
Jordan Zimmermann was working on a no-hitter in the bottom of the fifth inning Friday night when home plate umpire Nic Lentz gave him a strike against Gleyber Torres on a fastball that sure looked like it missed off the inside of the plate. Yankees manager Aaron Boone, who was apparently already dis...

Q&A: Pepper Johnson On Drinking With Bill Belichick, Spygate, And Why The Jets Can't Get It Together
When I got Pepper Johnson on the phone, I had no idea what to expect. I sure as hell didn’t think we’d talk for four hours. But we did, and I still can’t believe it. I don’t think I’ve talked to anyone else for four consecutive hours in my life. But Pepper’s got stories. ...

Reports: Andrew McCutchen To Become The Yankees' Very Likable Backup Plan
According to multiple reports, the San Francisco Giants will trade soon-to-be free agent Andrew McCutchen to the Yankees ahead of Friday night’s final deadline to acquire players who will be eligible for the postseason. The Giants will receive a package headlined by mid-tier infield prospect Abiatal...

Janoris Jenkins Wanted Someone To Check On His House Just Before A Dead Body Was Found There<em></em>
Giants cornerback Janoris Jenkins was out of town back in June, at the time police say his brother killed a man at the New Jersey home Jenkins owns. But Jenkins asked someone to check on his house the morning Roosevelt Rene’s body was found there, telling that person he had been told his door was op...

Why Your Team Sucks 2018: New Orleans Saints<em></em>
Some people are fans of the New Orleans Saints. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New Orleans Saints. This 2018 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here....