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The Only "Athletes Sing Christmas Carols" Video That Matters: Sheed Remixing Jingle Bells
Oh, you've never seen the Pistons singing "Jingle Bells" circa 2006? Get out of my face....

The Carolina Panthers Twitter Account Retweeted A Fan Who Got A Bag Of Weed For Christmas
In the spirit of holidays, the Carolina Panthers Twitter account is retweeting fans who received Panthers-themed gifts for Christmas. This fan got a new hat and a bag of weed! I was not aware Santa started delivering that stuff....

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
As in past years, the Sun Sentinel has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity. ...

The Jets Are Trying To Get Two General Managers To Work Together, Since It Went So Well To Have Two Quarterbacks Do That
At this point, the sad-sack New York Jets aren't a circus, as the New York Post insinuated back in September. They're a bizarre performance art project that only a few people can tolerate watching. Their inept handling of seemingly every decision has become impressive....

Mark Cuban Answered Questions On Reddit About Being Rich, Trying To Buy The Chicago Cubs, And More
Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban visited Reddit on Christmas Eve to answer questions about pretty much anything. Why, you ask? He can do whatever he wants. Don't question Cubes....

Virginia Tech Cornerback Antone Exum Took Some Random Kids At Best Buy On A $470 Shopping Spree
The NCAA allows bowl participants to accept sponsors' gifts up to $550 in value, and for players competing in Friday's Russell Athletic Bowl most of that value came in a $470 Best Buy gift card. That's valuable potential swag for most college kids, but Hokies defensive back Antone Exum—caught up in...

A Cardboard Cutout Of Joe Paterno Is Still Selling You Bread At A Grocery Store In Pennsylvania
Glen Rock, Pa. is about 127 miles south of State College, and immeasurably farther away from everything else going on in the world, apparently. Reader Mark sent us this photo today from Wetzel's Shurfine. It captures a more innocent moment long ago, back when Joe Paterno was just "Head Football Coac...

The Meaning Of Ryan Freel's "9 Or 10" Concussions
Ryan Freel was "tough." In baseball parlance, that means hustling on every pitch, giving up your body to make the play. These types of players are celebrated, of course. In August 2006, the Cincinnati Enquirer paid tribute to just the latest example of Freel's toughness, a diving catch on the warnin...

Tim Tebow Is A Coddled Malcontent
The Jets dressed three quarterbacks for their game against the Chargers yesterday—a game they lost, 27-17. Greg McElroy, the former Alabama quarterback who, evidently, never faced a pass rush while he was there, started, while Tim Tebow and Mark Sanchez backed him up. (Neither was the No. 3 quarterb...

Chuck Pagano Returned To Coach The Colts This Morning
The Indianapolis Colts have been the feel-good story of the NFL this season, what with their turnaround from the league's worst team to the AFC's fifth seed while head coach Chuck Pagano stepped aside to battle leukemia. Today, three months since his diagnosis and two months since he learned his can...

It Looks Like Joey Porter Will Be Spending Christmas In Jail On Felony Charges For Allegedly Passing Bad Checks
Last we heard former Steelers, Dolphins, and Cardinals linebacker Joey Porter's name around these parts, Chris Kluwe was telling us he was "a frothing dingleberry." Now those bounty hunters at Busted Coverage have caught up with Porter and found that things aren't goin' so great for him at present....

Canada's <em>SportsCentre</em> Has Bad Taste In Basketball Games
Saturday's Lakers-Warriors game was one of the most entertaining bouts the NBA's seen this season, with Steve Nash returning to action and leading L.A. to a 118-115 overtime win. That wasn't enough to impress TSN's SportsCentre, which opened a late broadcast with this curious graphic subtitle....

It's Easier To Rout A Team When You're Making Catches Like This: Sunday Night Football, In Four GIFs
Seattle 42, San Francisco 13: In a battle of what Cris Collinsworth called two "top-end throwers"—i.e, two NFL quarterbacks, in this case Russell Wilson and Colin Kaepernick—it was Wilson who was the topper-end thrower; he looked like he had roughly twice the experience as a starter, which, oddly, ...

Here's R.A Dickey's Farewell Letter, In Case Any Mets Fans Were In The Mood For A Good Cry
R.A. Dickey wrote a farewell letter to Mets fans this weekend, just as they always dreamed he would (it's in the Daily News instead of under their pillows, but you take what you can get), in which he thanked everyone from his old teammates to the head groundskeeper at Citi Field....

Virgil Held An Impromptu Question And Answer Session On Twitter And It Was Virgilicious
Former professional wrestler and body guard Virgil is fascinating. He first leapt into our hearts with tales of his sad sack routine at Wrestling expos, including this most recent edition of the Virgilbag, where he conned a couple of fans into manning his booth while he took a 45-minute piss. On Sa...
!["Hallelujah, Holy Shit! Where's The Tylenol?": Your Sunday NFL GIF Roundup [Updated]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/1899jl1oxhk5ugif.gif)
"Hallelujah, Holy Shit! Where's The Tylenol?": Your Sunday NFL GIF Roundup [Updated]
We'll be putting all our GIFs for the day here, from London Fletcher losing his lunch to sad Tom Brady. We'll update the post as the later games conclude, so stay tuned. ...

The Gift That Keeps On Giving: Your NFL Late Games Viewing Guide
There are three more gifts under the tree. Let's open them up together. ...

The Raiders Cost Oakland 200 Police Officers In A Startlingly Direct Way
We looked at the steady increase in taxpayer-funded stadium construction recently, and Sports on Earth wrote about what they term "sports welfare"—this week, Bloomberg explained a combination of those phenomena, and a notably clear example of the way sports franchises can factor into the zero-sum ga...

Since Yesterday, DeMarcus Cousins Has Been Suspended, Fired His Old Agent, And Hired A New One That Has Bad Blood With Kings Management
Players switching agents generally creates only a tiny ripple of interest for fans, if that. They likely change agents or acquire new management more often than we realize, and when they do, it may not change the course of their career. DeMarcus Cousins, the most talented young big man in the NBA, c...
