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Santa Fired For Telling A 3-Year-Old The Maple Leafs Suck
Here it is, the best thing to come out of Toronto since this picture of Rob Ford drunk. A mall Christmas market Santa traumatizing the very first child on line to meet him....

Rasheed Wallace, Captured In One 56-Second Sequence
Perhaps lost in the action of last night's Knicks-Heat game was the sequence you see above. Nothing all that exciting happens in these 56 seconds, but they do offer a glimpse at just how wonderfully out of shape and unable to give a fuck Rasheed Wallace is. Let's break down his play in this nearly...

Which TV Market Is Getting Screwed This Sunday? An Analysis Of Week 14 NFL Viewing Maps
The NFL's regional programming rules are famously byzantine, but luckily the506.com cuts through the bullshit for you, providing weekly maps that allow us to answer the only question that really matters: Which fans are the most screwed this Sunday?...

Ray Lewis Has A Terrifying New Facemask
Ray Lewis returned to practice Wednesday for the first time since tearing his tricep in Week 7. He's not eligible to play this Sunday, but the Ravens posted a photo of the new facemask Lewis will be wearing....

Roger Goodell Is Thinking About Eliminating Kickoffs. How Would It Affect NFL Offenses?
Before we start laughing at Roger Goodell's idea—by way of Buccaneers coach Greg Schiano—of eliminating kickoffs and replacing them with punts, let's first analyze what this would mean for the game. The suggestion would work like this: Instead of kicking off after a score or to start a half of play,...

Most Annoying Sports Bloggers, Ranked By Sport
4. Football 3. Hockey 2. Baseball 1. Basketball...

Why The NCAA Doesn't Care About Concussions
In the third quarter of a 34-17 loss to Cincinnati this past Saturday, UConn quarterback Chandler Whitmer took what he would later describe as a "bullet to the head." Chandler had suffered a head injury the previous week against Louisville. "We're just trying to be as careful as we can," Huskies coa...

This Detroit Lions Calendar Is A Disaster In Every Way Imaginable
It's well past time for Lions fans to start looking ahead to 2013. With injuries, ineffectiveness, dirty play, and Titus Young just fucking up everywhere, it hasn't been a season to remember in Detroit. So here's to future sucess! This holiday season, buy the Lions fan in your life this 2013 wall ca...

Tom Brady Spawned
According to her Facebook page, Gisele Bundchen, Brazilian supermodel and wife of NFL quarterback Tom Brady, gave birth to a girl on Wednesday. The latest addition to the Brady-Bundchen family is named Vivian Lake. Perhaps the girl will follow her family's tradition of modeling....

Deadspin NBA Shit List: Tony Massenburg, Everywhere Man
A celebration of the NBA's most infuriating players, both past and present. Read other NBA Shit List entries here....

Mike Francesa Forgot To Turn In His Heisman Vote
The Heisman Trophy winner will be announced this Saturday, and it's going to be a good one. Will it be Johnny Manziel, the dual-threat QB who had to win the starting job and ended up setting SEC passing records? Will it be Manti Te'o, who anchored the defense that led Notre Dame back to the title ...
![Kobe Says Many Lakers Were Surprised When Abe Lincoln Died At The End Of <i>Lincoln</i> [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/187msilmqp218jpg.jpg)
Kobe Says Many Lakers Were Surprised When Abe Lincoln Died At The End Of <i>Lincoln</i> [Update]
Yesterday was an off day in Oklahoma City for the Lakers, so to bring the scuffling 9-10 team together, they had a boys' night out at the theater. On the program: Steven Spielberg's Lincoln. The ancipation led Pau Gasol to offer perhaps the best and most childlike tweet of the season:...

The Misfit Knicks Stole The Show Last Night
There were two things that were remarkable about last night's New York-Miami game, a 112-92 victory for the antique Knicks. The first, predictably, was LeBron James, who put up 18 points, five rebounds, and seven assists in the first two quarters—a perfectly played half of basketball, and a reminde...

How Did The Raiders Sniff Out This Jailbreak Screen? Maybe Because Peyton Manning Audibled To It With "Prison! Prison!"
The Oakland Raiders didn't shut down many Denver Broncos plays last night, as their defense allowed Peyton Manning to go for 310 yards on 26-for-36 passing and were otherwise steamrolled by running back Knowshon Moreno, who put up 119 yards....

Adam Schefter Made Beanie Wells Look Like A Dick Last Night Because He Sucks At Twitter
While watching last night's Broncos-Raiders game, Cardinals running back Beanie Wells sent out the following innocuous tweet, expressing his views on Peyton Manning:...

Trade Rumor: The Washington Redskins For The FBI
There are two, seemingly unrelated real estate issues in and around our nation's capital. The FBI is seeking to move out of its dilapidated, Brutalist ugly headquarters in downtown Washington, and officials from DC, Maryland, and Virginia are all trying to lure the bureau to their districts. Meanwhi...

Best Videos Of The Week
A college mascot shoots a bear, hockey fans throw teddy bears, a few radio hosts get the giggles, and one Clippers fan remains unimpressed. Here are the best videos of the week....

Chargers Games May Have Been Staffed With Illegal Child Labor
The Department of Labor is investigating whether the staffing company contracted to work Chargers games has been using unpaid high schoolers as security, ticket takers, and head coach....

Why The NFL's "Concussion Crisis" Isn't Really A Concussion Crisis
Originally published in Bloomberg View....

<em>Madden 13</em> Is So Complex, Even John Madden Reads The Strategy Guide
Broadcast legend and former NFL head coach John Madden was in attendance for his former squad's miserable performance against the Broncos last night, though it seems he wasn't paying much attention to the game. What's his choice of reading material? Hard to tell. But we hope it inspires him to do s...