new Page 845 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Eddie Murphy You Love Is Dead
While suffering through this year's Oscars—ha ha, Billy Crystal kissed George Clooney, ha ha—it was hard not to think, "Geez, if Brett Ratner had kept his mouth shut, none of this would have happened and Eddie Murphy could have been the host." Indeed, the news last year that Murphy had agreed to hos...
David Ortiz, You Are NOT The Father
"According to a report in the Dominican newspaper Hoy by veteran baseball reporter Dionisio Soldevila, a DNA test showed that David Ortiz was not the father of a 17-year-old in the Dominican Republic. Ortiz was the subject of a paternity claim by a woman whom Ortiz said he had never met." [Boston He...
If You Weren't Hanging Out With Joe Buck And Dave Coulier Last Night, You're Nobody
So Joe Buck, Dave Coulier, Darren Pang, and radio guy Kelly Chase got together for last night's Blues game. And you still think the Illuminati aren't real? Wake up, sheeple. [Twitter]...
David Price Has Now Hurt His Neck Three Times By Wiping His Head With A Towel
Rays lefty David Price had to leave yesterday's split-squad start after just two innings, but he later owned up to what had happened:...
Australian Footballer Requests Time Off For "Family Issues," Attacks Cousin With A Machete
Liam Jurrah became the first person from a remote Central Australain indigenous community to play in the AFL when he was drafted by the Melbourne Demons three years ago. It was there, to the town camp of Little Sisters, that he returned last week, telling team management that he had family and commu...
Gambling Expert Calls Action On Auburn Games "Inconsistent" With Point Shaving
Yesterday, Yahoo's Charles Robinson reported that suspended Auburn point guard Varez Ward was under federal investigation for alleged point-shaving. Robinson mentioned two games that the feds were looking into—a 56-53 loss to Arkansas on Jan. 25 and a 68-50 loss to Alabama on Feb. 7. In the Jan. 25 ...
J.R. Smith Tweeted A Photo Of "The Girl With The Biggest Ass Ever" Wearing A Thong In His Hotel Room Bed
The Knicks are on the road, with a game tonight in Milwaukee, but it's pretty safe to say J.R. Smith is not a lonesome traveler. Last night, in the midst of tweeting and re-tweeting praise for his younger brother, Chris, a senior guard at Louisville, which defeated Marquette in the Big East quarterf...
What If Dirk Nowitzki Was Missing A Chromosome And Lived In Phoenix?
Then he'd be like a lot of people living in Phoenix. (h/t Tom)...
There Is A Rich History Of Fans Shining Laser Pointers In Athletes' Eyes, Especially Cristiano Ronaldo's
Perhaps you heard about the latest hockey dad behavior, in which a maybe-well-meaning father shined a laser pointer in the eyes of the other team's goalie. But you probably hadn't heard that there's a long, fine tradition of shining lasers in pro athletes' eyes. Cristiano Ronaldo, naturally, gets ...
Since Robin Ventura's Back In Baseball, The Rangers Will Stop Showing That Video Of Nolan Ryan Beating Him Up
Last year, Texas showed the famous 1993 brawl between the Rangers and White Sox before every single game. Maybe you think it's weird for a team to air highlights of their president and CEO, but then again your team's president and CEO has probably never pummeled a man. (Unless you're a Marlins fan...
In A Shocking Development, Jerry Tarkanian Has Switched From Towels To WonderPretzels
Legendary Runnin' Rebels coach Jerry Tarkanian watched his old charges dispatch Wyoming in the Mountain West tournament last night, and in doing so revealed the source of his recently-increased girth. May we recommend he return to a diet of fiber-rich Egyptian cotton?...
Greyhound Track Owners Now Want To Kill Off Their Own Industry
It hasn't been a good few weeks for dirt track sports. In early February, HBO's Luck came under heavy criticism when word spread that two horses had been euthanized during filming of the show's first few episodes. Recently, the focus has turned back to greyhound racing and those who are trying to qu...
Bobby Hebert Thinks Bountygate Is Elaborate 'Conspiracy Theory'
Might this whole Bountygate debacle be some conspiracy theory concocted at the behest of the national media's Illuminati-controlled wing? WWL's John "Spud" McConnell and former Saints quarterback Bobby Hebert sure seem to think so. The damn national media is just so damn jealous of the Saints that...
David Beckham Has Beer Thrown At Him, Freaks Out, Sets Up Late Game-Tying Goal Anyway
L.A. Galaxy star and future action hero David Beckham found himself perturbed late in last night's CONCACAF Champions League tie at Rogers Centre when Toronto fans greeted him for a late corner kick with streamers and, eventually, a can of Heineken Alexander Keith's....
Colts Apologize For Email Offering Commemorative Peyton Manning Merchandise Just After Yesterday's Announcement
Peyton Manning had barely finished drying his eyes and hopping that jet for Miami yesterday when the following email blast went out from the team's official Pro Shop to fans who had previously made purchases:...
Fear, Defined: PGA Golfer Hits His Drive Directly At You, And You're On Top Of A Crane
Skyjacks and other individuals who make their living at high elevation get paid well because the fear of heights—also known as acrophobia—is far from uncommon. We're also built to avoid hard objects flying at us at high speed, which is why this clip from today's WGC-Cadillac Championship round fro...
The Judge In The Mets Owners' Trial Is A Big Yankee Fan
We are a mere 10 days from jury selection in the lawsuit against Fred Wilpon and Saul Katz. This is no longer some distant theoretical; by the end of the month, we will see the owners of the New York Mets forced to prove, in court, why they don't owe $1 billion in Bernie Madoff-invested money to Mad...
Division III Basketball Team's Leading Scorer Chooses Spring Break In Cancun Over Sweet 16 Game
The King's College Lady Monarchs booked their tickets to a women's NCAA Division III Sweet 16 game this weekend against Emmanuel in Amherst, Mass. But senior forward Paige Carlin, the team's leading scorer (11.4 ppg), already had tickets—to Cancun for Spring Break. This is going dancing in the origi...
Today In Jose Canseco Tweets As Motivational Posters: Persistente
This is a feature where we celebrate Jose Canseco by creating motivational posters out of his actual tweets. We believe it is in this context that the world can best appreciate our favorite Bash Brother....
The Pirates Are Considering Adding The Sid Bream Nightmare To Fans' Daily Listening Experience
Having to watch the Pittsburgh Pirates play baseball every night just isn't enough punishment, apparently. Now Pirates fans might get a nightly reminder of the one moment most of them can't bring themselves to discuss without staring off into the distance and cursing incoherently about somebody name...