nf Page 1095 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Soon We'll Just Make Him Attorney General
A new team, a new jurisdiction; Shaq has applied to become a deputy sheriff in Cleveland. This shows me he's entirely unfamiliar with the city, which was long ago abandoned to lawlessness. [AP]...
HALLOWEENAROO! Jamboroo, Week 8
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....
Would Anyone Like To Own The Tampa Bay Buccaneers?
The Buccaneers are so sad this season that the local UFL team says they can beat them. Maybe owner Malcolm Glazer agrees, because according to Tampa sports talk radio station WDAE, he's putting the team up for sale....
We've Got A Rogue Hogette On The Loose
You know about the Redskins' porcine cross-dressers' club. But did you know they're very exclusive? This is the strangest Redskins story you'll read all...day. Maybe....
Congress Gets Involved In Concussion Debate, Fails To Solve Everything
Goodell, along with NFLPA leader DeMaurice Smith and other people in suits, was grilled by the House Judiciary Committee about all this stuff they've been hearing about "concussions" and "permanent brain damage." The Commish talked a great deal about all the many things the league is doing—rule chan...
The NCAA Won't Be Lied To (Or, Why To Avoid Deion Sanders)
Oklahoma State wide receiver Dez Byrant has been suspended for an entire year, not for breaking rules, but for lying about not breaking rules. Because misleading an NCAA investigator is the worst crime a human can commit....
Larry Johnson Suspended, Apologizes For The Gay Stuff
Chiefs running back Larry Johnson is awful sorry he called you all fags. He should have used a more acceptable term like "monkeybutts" or "dorkweasels" or even "boogermouths." Then maybe his bosses wouldn't have had to put him on suspension....
NFL Dementia Study Is Not Exactly "Scientific"
The NFL would like everyone to just calm down about all the brain-melting that they help create every Sunday, at least until they can finish their own personal scientific study that will be totally fair and not at all biased....
Larry Johnson Meltdown Arrives Later Than Expected This Season (Update)
The Kansas City Chiefs are a disaster, obviously, but look on the bright side—it took permanently disgruntled RB Larry Johnson seven whole games to launch an embarrassing tirade against his head coach. I think that's improvement!...
New Country, Same Garbage Football
The Patriots are good and the Bucs are terrible, in any language. Wait, they speak American over there?...
Your Late Games Open Thread
Citing a rise in player/referee collisions, the NFL plans to address the issue next season, including the possibility of officials wearing helmets. Now put on your padded commenter helmet and make fun of the late games. [ESPN]...
Your Early Games Open Thread
Featuring either Favre finally facing a real defense, or a Tampa Bay home game in London. Look, it's the only way that game wasn't going to be blacked out locally. [The506.com]...
I Choose To Believe This Could Be True
The old "friend-of-a-friend" pipeline says Michael Vick was spotted buying a bag of dog food at a Philadelphia CVS. Incriminating rumor, or comedy jumping-off point for Internet commenters? [Style Points]...
What's The Deal With The City Of Cleveland And Staph Infections?
Kelly Pavlik, the WBO, WBC and The Ring (I love Naomi Watts) middleweight champion, said that he nearly died from an allergic reaction to a medication prescribed to treat a staph infection....
Bad Beats: The House Always Wins
A weekly look at smart plays, oddball propositions and all your tales of gambling woe....
Dolphins Aim To Keep Saints From Touching Themselves Further
Miami linebacker Channing Crowder muses about this weekend's opponent, New Orleans: "They're undefeated, they're probably smelling themselves, rubbing each other's balls." Except the Miami Herald changed the quote to "[back]." Yeah, that's basically the same thing. [Herald/Twitter]...
Fans, Media Recruited (And Manipulated) In Fight Over Televised Sports (Updated)
Some media outlets want you to rage against a new lobbying organization that claims to represent sports fans, but is actually a front for satellite companies looking to destroy cable TV sports. But who is really manipulating who here?...
NFL Experts Will Not Rest Until Every Quarterback Leads The League In Something Retarded
If you follow the NFL as closely s I do, you begin to get a sixth sense for cliché memes. They tend to spread across the football landscape as quickly as Irvin's herpes....
Randy Hanson Keeps It In Perspective
After learning that former boss Tom Cable would not face charges for breaking his jaw, Hanson said: "It felt like the Rob Lytle fumble all over again." He's like the Al Davis of terrible analogies. [Yahoo]...
Beer In The Bathroom: The Circle Of Life
Drew mentioned this earlier, but it bears further examination. The Redskins are selling beer in FedExField bathrooms? Holy crap, that's awesome. And unsanitary....