nf Page 1104 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Thomas Jones Had Some Festive Birthday Party Entertainment
You should see these ladies make balloon animals. It's a sight to behold. [JerseyChaser]...

Why Your Team Sucks: Oakland Raiders
Some people are fans of the Oakland Raiders. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Oakland Raiders. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

Erin Andrews Opens Up To Oprah And ESPN Finally Says Something
The world waits in rapt funeral amazement September 11, when we'll see Erin Andrews props herself on the important chair with Oprah Winfrey to share her horrifying tale of peepdom with America's Mom Nation. A summary of her appearance....

NFL Preemptively Stops First Twitter Touchdown Celebration
As expected, the NFL has laid down a formal law banning the use of Twitter during games, providing fans with at least one safe haven in the ongoing war to see who can be the league's most obnoxious player....

Erin Andrews To Sit Down And Weep On Oprah September 11
So says Deitsch Tweets: The timing of this event couldn't be anymore perfect. Mourn appropriately. If you or anyone you know was at the taping last week, contact me ([email protected]), please. [RichardDeitsch] (Full release after jump)...

Why Your Team Sucks: New York Jets (Featuring Confessions Of A Meadowlands Security Guard)
Some people are fans of the New York Jets. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New York Jets. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

You Made Rich Rodriguez Cry
ESPN interrupted Bill Belichick getting choked up over Teddy Bruschi so America could watch Rich Rodriguez get choked up about all the mean things the Detroit Free Press wrote about him. Why are our football coaches so sad?...

They're Not Saying "Boo!" They're Saying "I Hope You Die In A House Fire, You Pansy"
Jay Cutler returned to Denver last night for the first time since his temper tantrum-induced trade and did moderately well for a first half. A Neckbeard-less Kyle Orton also suffered a sewing injury on his index finger. [DenverPost]...

The Rockies Are A Team Of Destiny Destined To Fail
Remember last week when I awarded Colorado the National League championship? Yeah, that was fun. It just goes to show you that a watched pot of history-making sports feats usually doesn't boil....

Tom Brady's Throwing Shoulder Will Be Fine, Says Source Within Lying-Ass Organization
This was the shoulder on which Albert Haynesworth was briefly docked Friday. "There is no need for hysteria," says a source close to the tactically dishonest Patriots, who will now list Brady as "probable (shoulder)" for all eternity. [Boston Globe]...

The Summer Of Our Discontent
Pretty soon, this will all be over. No more loping around idly on Saturdays and Sundays. No more wandering outside and soaking in the sun. No more posts about the Tomatina. It's almost football season!...

The Cowboys Scoreboard Punter Drinking Game
You don't need a reason to drink this weekend, but you may need a reason to watch a 49ers-Cowboys preseason game that doesn't include "it was the only thing the sheriff would let me watch from the holding cell."...

Why Your Team Sucks: Denver Broncos
Some people are fans of the Denver Broncos. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Denver Broncos. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

Why Your Team Sucks: St. Louis Rams
Some people are fans of the St. Louis Rams. But many, many more people, like reader Adam S. are NOT fans of the St. Louis Rams. Adam's 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. ...

Brandon Marshall: Kind Of A Crybaby
Denver probably thought all their troubles were gone when they shipped Jay Cutler out of town, but now they've got an even bigger problem child on their hands in Brandon Marshall. The operative word being "child."...

Everything's Bigger In Texas, Except The Beers
It's a dark day for fans of the Houston Texans; you're now getting your beer in smaller cups, because you pansies have proven you can't hold your alcohol....

Bengals Owner Will Not Tolerate Messages From On High
Banners trashing Cincinnati's front office were flying above the team's training camp, until the FAA stepped in — at the behest of Mike Brown. The man can't run a football team, but he sure can control the skies. [WhoDeyRevolution]...

This Is Why NFL Players Die Young
There was a very telling sequence in last night's excellent episode of Hard Knocks that perfectly illustrates the culture of "toughness" that ultimately dooms so many football players to retirements filled with crippling, life-altering pain....

Why Your Team Sucks: Green Bay Packers
Some people are fans of the Green Bay Packers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Green Bay Packers. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

It’s An NFL Preview Pants Party With The Mighty MJD
This week's Deadcast guest is your old Weekend Daddy and editor of Yahoo's Shutdown Corner, THE MIGHTY MJD. (Listen here, iTunes here.) Oh, MJD. How we've missed you....