night Page 56 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Booger Mobile Has Been Decommissioned For The Season, And Possibly Forever<em></em>
Bad news for all those Boogerheads out there: ESPN will not be utilizing Booger McFarland’s whimsical and obnoxiously large contraption for this weekend’s Colts-Texans wild-card playoff game. The Booger Mobile’s aspirations for world domination have hit a snag....
Things Went About As Poorly As Possible For LSU QB Joe Burrow On This Play
Poor Joe Burrow. The LSU quarterback led his team on a long drive into the red zone in the first quarter today, only for it to end in horrifying manner. His receiver slipped and Burrow simply boinked up the throw, sending the ball directly to UCF defensive back Brandon Moore, who scampered 93 yards ...
Army's Beatdown Of Houston Reached The "Punt From The Black Knights' 30" Stage
The Houston Cougars were thoroughly spanked by the Army Black Knights in the Armed Forces Bowl. While some coaches would want their players to play hard through the final whistle of the game—despite being down well over 40 points—Houston coach Major Applewhite raised the white flag early in the seco...
Carrie Underwood's <i>Sunday Night Football</i> Theme Sucks And Nobody Should Kiss Her Sensitive Ass
On Sunday night, Sports Illustrated producer Jessica Smetana delivered, to no one in particular, a mild criticism of the very bad Sunday Night Football theme performed by Carrie Underwood. The musician saw it and was mad....
Mason Plumlee Did What Now?
The Nuggets have that glow these days. Competent role-players are oozing out of the woodwork. Dumb shots are falling. Mason Plumlee is dusting Harrison Barnes with a slick behind-the-back dribble and a lefty scoop layup to beat the buzzer and put a goofy exclamation point on a 74-point first half, w...
Report: The Tessitore-Witten-McFarland Trio Will Be Back For The 2019 NFL Season
The Joe Tessitore-Jason Witten-Booger McFarland Monday Night Football crew has been very, hmm, uneven in its first season. Tessitore is blandly Fine; Witten sometimes talks himself into dizzying circles; McFarland’s sideline scooter seems to produce an awful lot of confusion in his analysis. If you ...
Normal Man Donald Trump Hilariously Fucks Up Army-Navy Coin Toss
There are many compelling reasons why a reasonable person might not want to be President of the United States. The hours and stress and travel are crushing, because the broader responsibility of the job is so crushing. What a president can or cannot actually do to alter the broader course of things...
Report: Jason Garrett Attempted To Improve Monday Night Football
Jason Witten retired in May after 15 NFL seasons, leaving for a job as a color commentator on Monday Night Football. Jason Garrett has apparently been trying to get him to un-retire....
Officials At Army-Navy Needed 8 Minutes To Review A 2-Yard Run
The Army Black Knights held a 10-0 lead against their bitter rivals, the Navy Midshipmen, heading into the fourth quarter of the 119th game between the two academies. Faced with a fourth-and-two situation, and having used the break between quarters to mull things over, Army coach Jeff Monken elected...
Ryan Reaves Injured Tom Wilson On A Blindside Hit<em></em>
In a rare departure from routine, Capitals enforcer Tom Wilson was on the receiving end of multiple crushing hits from one of the few NHL players who can claim to be as bruising as he is—Golden Knights winger Ryan Reaves. Reaves went after Wilson on multiple occasions in Vegas’s 5-3 victory, eventua...
Deadspin Up All Night: A Smoking Gun
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The NCAA Will Never Give UCF A Chance
The College Football Playoff bracket was set yesterday—pitting Alabama against Oklahoma and Clemson against Notre Dame—and for the second year in a row, the undefeated UCF Knights are nowhere to be found. Just as they had to settle for the Peach Bowl against Auburn last season, UCF will play LSU, a...
Deadspin Up All Night: Corona
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<i>Monday Night Football</i> Needs To Get Over Itself
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
Harrowing McKenzie Milton Injury Update Includes The Phrase "Blood Flow Has Been Restored"
Friday afternoon UCF star quarterback McKenzie Milton went directly from the 25-yard line of Raymond James Stadium, where he was writhing in agony with his leg bent in a very wrong direction, to Tampa General Hospital, where he underwent surgery. He’s still there today, and his family says there are...
Deadspin Up All Night: She Might Have A Porcupine
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Central Florida Quarterback McKenzie Milton Carted Off After Gruesome Knee Injury
Central Florida star quarterback McKenzie Milton took a shotgun snap on third-and-7 in Friday’s game against South Florida and, after a play-action fake, kept the ball and raced around the right end of the defense, where he ran into a pair of South Florida defenders, one of whom went low. What happe...
Well That Was Exhilarating As Shit
The Rams and the Chiefs played the highest-scoring contest in the history of Monday Night Football tonight, a 54–51 barnburner in which every play seemed to go for 18 yards, and every third play seemed to produce a touchdown. It was maybe the most exciting football game I’ve ever watched. Did you mi...
Deadspin Up All Night: Down By The River
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Deadspin Up All Night: Cheers<em></em>
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