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Royals Broadcaster Perfectly Predicts Mike Moustakas's Home Run
With Mike Moustakas facing an 0-2 count in Wednesday night’s game, Fox Sports Kansas City announcer Ryan Lefebvre claimed that the Royals third baseman would not only get a curveball from White Sox pitcher Jose Quintana, but crush it for a home run into Kansas City’s bullpen. “He’s gonna sit on a ha...
Let's Deal With That Nasty Shower Curtain Liner
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
Get Your Ass Off Mars: <i>The Martian </i>Is A Thrilling, Crowd-Pleasing Science Problem
1. The Martian will make you feel better about America, about the goodness of your fellow man, about the limitless possibilities of human achievement. That it’s also rooted in hard science (or at least a movie’s version of hard science, which is close enough), that all its surprises and accomplishme...
A U.S. Appeals Court Just Did The NCAA A Big Favor
The US Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has upheld a lower court’s decision in Ed O’Bannon v. NCAA, which ruled that the NCAA’s larger amateurism rules are in violation of anti-trust laws. The appeals court also, though, vacated a key portion of the lower court’s ruling, and that makes it hard to coun...
<i>The Walk</i> Is A Cloying, Uneven Caper With An Absolutely Amazing Final Act
The feat that made Philippe Petit legendary—his tightrope walk between the two towers of the World Trade Center on August 7, 1974—was both brave and insane. What made 2008’s Man on Wire, the Oscar-winning documentary about his achievement, so striking was that despite full access to Petit and his co...
The Idiotic <i>Stonewall </i>Is A Bigger Disaster Than Roland Emmerich's Actual Disaster Movies
1. Stonewall misses the point of the Stonewall riots in almost the exact same way that Pearl Harbor missed the point of Pearl Harbor. That’s not a comparison I make lightly. Pearl Harbor turned one of the most seminal moments in American history into the pretext for a lame story about two white schm...
Robert De Niro Redeems The Dopey Fantasy That Is <i>The Intern</i>
At a time when some romantic comedies are flexing an edgier, more smart-ass tone—They Came Together, Sleeping With Other People, even Trainwreck—perhaps it’s a refreshing palate-cleanser that Nancy Meyers movies continue to operate in their own storybook world. You know what to expect from the write...
<i>Everest </i>Works Best When It Focuses On The Mountain, Not The Feeble Men On It
1. If nothing else, you should see Everest on as big a screen as possible. I was fortunate enough to see it in 3-D on a digital IMAX screen—not the same as the IMAX format, mind you, there’s a difference, but still, you know, big—and I’m glad I did. The most you can hope for from a movie about Mount...
<i>Black Mass </i>Plays Like A Boston-Mob-Thriller Parody
1. Whatever your thoughts on The Departed or The Town—the modern Boston mob/crime thrillers that all modern Boston mob/crime thrillers are measured against—it is undeniable that everyone involved was deeply invested in both. Matt Damon had been waiting his whole life to play a character like his Dep...
Seahawks Coaches Don't Mind Marshawn Lynch's Mom Calling For Darrell Bevell's Job
The Seahawks’ predilection for theatrics generally works well for them—they’re winning, after all, and nothing can be too deleterious when you win. Which is why, if you’re a fan of drama, this team is going to be fun when it starts losing. The lighthearted controversies will turn histrionic, and the...
Jon Lester Finally Picked Somebody Off
The season of firsts continues for Jon Lester. He already collected his first career hit, and tonight he successfully picked off a runner for the first time in over four years, since he nailed Ben Revere on August 10, 2011....
Seahawks Choose To Run This Time With Game On The Line, Still Lose
The Seahawks lost a wild one in overtime in St. Louis today. Nick Foles took the field for the first time as a Ram and he was very solid with 297 yards and touchdowns via air and ground, but the truly remarkable part of the game was the *fart noise* that was the Seahawks’ overtime effort. ...
<i>The Visit</i> Proves That M. Night Shyamalan Is Still Trying Way Too Hard
1. Man oh man, remember the Newsweek that dubbed M. Night Shyamalan “The Next Spielberg?” Has an entertainment-cover of a national newsmagazine ever aged worse? All right, maybe this one. But man, that Newsweek cover might have been the worst thing that ever happened to Shyamalan. The Sixth Sense wa...
To Hell With Vox's Victorian-Living Idiots
Yesterday, Vox published a first-person essay detailing the anachronistic existence of two insufferably twee hipsters who live as if they were insufferably twee 19th-century urban gentry. Fuck these people....
Richard Gere's Homelessness Drama <i>Time Out Of Mind </i>Will Hit You Hard
1. New York City is obviously the central setting of thousands of movies, and, being New York City, it’s adept at serving as whatever backdrop you want it to serve. It can connote romance or menace, limitless possibility or untold decadence, Candyland or the Hellmouth. But, as someone who lived ther...
America Has Always Wanted To Pretend That Sports Aren't Work
Last month, given the chance to affirm that college athletes have basic labor rights, the National Labor Review Board punted. It’s rare that a sports metaphor so perfectly crafted for lazy headline writers is so fitting, but punting—the most cowardly, spineless, and responsibility-evading decision r...
Tell-All From Former Yankees Clubhouse Worker Is Finally Out; Alleges Jeter & Posada Had Sexy Time
Way, way, way back in 2007, we covered a Craigslist posting by a gentleman seeking a co-writer for a tell-all about his time as a Yankees clubhouse worker, the abuse he endured, and the many scandalous Bronx Bombers episodes he witnessed. It is now 2015, and Abused By The New York Yankees is finally...
Summer Movies 2015: <i>Mad Max</i> Rises, Adam Sandler Sinks
For all the talk about how summer movies are supposedly rotting everyone’s souls, this summer produced:...
<i>American Ultra </i>Is A Sweet, Ultraviolent Stoner Love Story
1. There’s an undeniable kick in watching a reedy nerd unleash cinematic violence, particularly when he’s confused by it, separate from the act, almost observing it. I’ve always thought this was the initial, primal appeal of The Matrix, how Keanu Reeves was a weirdly dispassionate participant in his...