no Page 4955 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Touchdown Jesus Statue Destroyed By Act Of God (UPDATE WITH VIDEO)
Via the Cincinnati Enquirer: "Lightning struck and ignited a fire late Monday that destroyed a 62-foot-tall statue of Jesus Christ with his arms stretched toward the skies." He'll be back, I'm sure. UPDATE: Watch Him burn! Video below....
World Cup Open Thread: New Zealand-Slovakia
Here we go, Day 5. The unfortunately (and accurately?) named All Whites take on the mighty Fightin' Jondas of Slovakia. Who to root for? Hostel was set in Slovakia. That is all....
Japan Wins Eighth Consecutive World Cup Costume Contest
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
In Defense Of The Vuvuzela
The backlash to the backlash has begun and I have to say that I'm glad. If you think the vuvuzela is an evil torture device that should be banned from all sport, then you can blow it out your ass....
Conference-ocalypse Averted, Big 12 Is The New Big 10
So today was apparently not a good day for the Big 12 to die. Despite all reports to the contrary, Texas will apparently stay in the Big 12 South and the Pac-10 is now stuck with Colorado....
Trust A.C. Green For All Your Pepper Spray Needs
When you need a non-lethal defense system, don't settle for anything less than the non-lethal defense system that A.C. Green gives to the women in his life. For lethal defense, you should still talk to Delonte West. [YouTube]...
FedEx: When You Absolutely, Positively Need Your Son's Team To Play In A BCS Conference
Memphis, stricken by Realignment Fever, is trying to negotiate their way into a bigger conference or, failing that, find a wealthy benefactor to buy them one. Thankfully, they (and their quarterback) have an international conglomerate at their disposal....
"If They Decide To Start Killing Us," The Young Afrikaner Said, "We Are Ready"
JOHANNESBURG — See this button? It's called a panic button. It was given to me by my hosts at a guesthouse in Johannesburg. If I press it, I was told, men with automatic weapons will appear and possibly spray the street with bullets in order to quell the panic....
Your Culturally Insensitive World Cup Goal Roundup For June 14
Lots of exciting goals today — Japan's Keisuke Honda scoring off of a nice cross and Italy's Daniele De Rossi off a corner kick especially — but let's look at all of them in a culturally insensitive manner....
Cell Phone-Bosomed Paraguay Girl Is The Star Of The World Cup So Far
You can be happy, the rest of your life, with a Paraguay Girl. Even the Italians, who had to settle for a troubling tie from the scrappy republic known primarily for its political unrest and its chief export, mandals....
Intern Horrors: "You'll Never Work In This Business Again," The Scooter-Riding Mascot Said
Welcome to Intern Horrors, the weekly feature filled with tales of being at the bottom of the totem pole, looking way up or cursing the indentured servants that save you money. Today: mascots behaving badly, office chair shenanigans and more. Sic alert!...
Tiger Mistress Upgrades Self To Tiger Baby Mama
A disgraced former journalist claims that a sensationalist documentary claims that a fame-seeking mistress claims she gave birth to Tiger Woods's love child, and was paid to keep quiet. Well, that's all the evidence I need! [The Sun]...
Tim Donaghy On Game 5: Why Make-Up Calls Are Necessary
Tim Donaghy, the former NBA referee who spent 11 months in prison for relaying inside information to gamblers, is reviewing the performance of his former colleagues during the NBA Finals. Here's a quarter-by-quarter breakdown of Game 5, with video....
Yes, Soccer Is Gay
According to this report, from America's finest news source. [Onion Sports Network]...
Get Dad Something Classy For Once
If the day before Father's Day you can usually be found elbowing your way to the front of a pack of fellow procrastinating schmoes scanning the "Dads" greeting card section in a Rite Aid, let Johnnie Walker help. Click here to order a specially-labeled bottle of Black Label for Dad....
World Cup Open Thread: Italy-Paraguay
Mandioca! Anything carbonara! Fight! It's Italy and La Albirroja, the darkhorse Paraguayan squadron. Bring your best Pavarotti jokes and comment as you watch the last of today's matches....
Abby Sunderland's Controversial Voyage Was For A Reality TV Show
Heard enough about Abby Sunderland, the 16-year-old whose record attempt got a whole bunch of panties in a twist this past week? Too bad. Her family inked a deal for a doc and a reality show before she shoved off....
Tonya Harding Sex Fantasy Page Still Surprisingly Active
Here's an unwelcome departure from refuckingallignment and World Cup news: Tonya Harding, disgraced former figure skater, still has fans. Horny fans, actually, who not-so-eloquently fantasize about "karate fucking" her and other disturbing coital activities....
U.S.A.-England Tie Given The Lego Treatment
Here's the Lego version of the U.S. England goal. You haven't lived until you've seen a Lego Robert Green lay down on a Lego soccer field in Lego shame. H/T Denton. [The Guardian, via Business Insider]...