no Page 5041 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Joe Mauer's Imaginary Contract Has A Lot Of "I"s To Dot
Remember when Joe Mauer "agreed" to that 10-year contract over a month ago? Well, Mauer's agent plans to discuss the matter with Twins management very soon. Maybe. They're very close! (Yeah, they're not close.) [SN/Star-Tribune/NYT]...

Detroit Tigers: Spare Us The Rod
Will Leitch will be previewing/musing on every baseball team each weekday until the start of the season. You can pre-order his book and follow him on Twitter. Today: The Detroit Tigers....

An Intern Introduction And A Poop-Related Apology
Hello. If you haven't heard, I'm the new Deadspintern (feel free to suggest a nickname). I hope you have enjoyed what I've done so far because it's been a real hoot....

What Are We To Do With Brittney Griner?
Baylor's Brittney Griner assaulted someone on a basketball court last night and after dealing with LeGarrette Blount and Elizabeth Lambert, it's still not clear what the appropriate level of hysterical moral outrage should be....

Last Night's Winner: Rioters
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Maryland students, who finally got an excuse to smash the state with some real grownup civil disobedience. Wait, did Rick Reilly® sign off on this?...

Time To Start A Band Since We've Already Got A Kickass Album Cover
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Tiger's Caddy Wishes He Had Gone For The Cockblock
Steve Williams says that had he known about Woods's affairs, he would have made them public. Really, Steve? What the hell?...

Monster Dutch Reliever Hopes To Terrorize Twin Cities
The Twins have high hopes for Loek van Mil, a 7-foot-1 prospect from the Netherlands. Because betting on the freakishly tall foreigner has always worked out in other sports. [Pioneer Press]...

It's A Whole New NFL (Or At Least A New Art Department)
I hope you like change, because the NFL sure does. The Lamar Hunt and George Halas trophies have been redesigned — some would say emasculated — but that's far from the only new look we find scary and different....

They Would Vie For Mr. Irrelevant In Dave Chappelle's Racial Draft
Three L.A. teachers were suspended for giving kids photos of O.J. Simpson and Dennis Rodman to carry in a Black History Month parade. Among the alternatives suggested by the district: Kobe Bryant. I have made none of this up. [AP]...

Meet Your 14-Year-Old Nephew's New Favorite Hockey Player
In the tradition of legendary athletic heroes like Johnny Dickshot, Jung Bong, and Pete LaCock, comes NHL rookie and object of affection for snickering school boys everywhere—Columbus Blue Jacket Grant Clitsome....

Marvin Miller Remembers The Pre-Crazy Jim Bunning, Labor Revolutionary
"Heh," Marvin Miller chuckles. "I haven't talked to Jim for a long while." Jim is Jim Bunning, the obstreperous shitbag who sought to deny thousands of Americans their jobless benefits but who, once upon a time, fought baseball's good fight....

Beat Writer Continues Nationals Coverage, Sans Newspaper
Just because the Washington Times fired their entire sports section, Mark Zuckerman isn't going to stop doing his job. For someone to cover the Nationals voluntarily, I'm not sure it's going too far to call him a modern day Jesus....

Canada <em>Still</em> Hung Up On That Hockey Game, Apparently
A video package of Canadian Olympic highlights, culminating in Sidney Crosby's goal, played during the Star-Spangled Banner at last night's Sens-Rangers game. Ottawa says it was a malfunction and apologized, but we've gone to war over less. [NY Post]...

Great Caption Fail, Or Greatest Caption Fail?
The Times again shows their conservative bias by mislabeling a photo that's definitely not Hillary Clinton. And probably not Michelle Bachelet, either....

You Reveal John Daly's Personnel File, He Reveals Your Cell Phone Number
Alleged JERK Garry Smits wrote a story about John Daly's "permanent record," which did not sit well with the golfer. But since he doesn't have a fancy newspaper job to respond with, he broadcast Smits cell phone number on Twitter....

Unborn Baby Yao Causes An International Incident
Conspiracy theorists in China believe that Yao Ming just brought his pregnant wife back to the US so she can give birth to an American citizen. Lou Dobbs is not going to be happy....

Rich Eisen's 40-Yard Dash An Amusing Special-Effects Bonanza
When he isn't impersonating Howard Cosell, Rich Eisen is straight running things on the NFL Network. Things like the 40-yard dash, which Rich ran in a slight-breeze-inducing 6.25 seconds....

Ducks Cheerleader Full Of Liquid Cheer
The inimitable Blazer Girl points us (very specifically) to an Oregon freshman cheerleader who got herself a DUI over the weekend. That’s her, second from left. Say hi! [Register-Guard]...

Football Team Doesn't Like The News, So They Steal The Newspaper
Bad: Texas A&M-Commerce players busted with drugs. Worse: players take every copy on campus of the school newspaper running the story. Worserer: coach is proud of their "team-building exercise."...