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It’s Friday and the snowpocalypse has descended upon most of us. We’re hanging out in the discussion section below, ready to yak....

Is It OK To Order Delivery During A Snowstorm?
Much of the East Coast is about to get slammed by a nor’easter, with areas in and around Washington D.C. set to receive up to two feet or more of snow. Schools have been canceled, airports are functionally shut down, and even D.C.’s Metro is set to shutter for the weekend. But you’re hungry, and you...
![The Washington Capitals Shouldn't Play Tonight [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/gpngucdb0ofb5dlc984v.jpg)
The Washington Capitals Shouldn't Play Tonight [Update]
The snow in Washington D.C. is expected to start falling around noon. A blizzard warning formally goes into effect at 3 p.m. The region could get two feet or more. The storm “has life and death implications,” Mayor Muriel Bowser said. “People should hunker down, shelter in place and stay off the roa...

This Snowstorm Sure Looks Like Something
Please remember New York City during the upcoming storm....

You Don’t Scare Me, Snow
By now, you are probably aware that the East Coast is about to get murdered with 50 tons of acid methane snow over the weekend. You know this because people who live on the East Coast believe that their weather is EVERYONE’S weather....

Snowboarder Claims Skier Threw Him From Chairlift Over Joke
Snowboarder Seth Beckton says a skier threw him off a chairlift, from which he fell 20 or 25 feet, at Aspen Highlands in Colorado. Going by his account of events, the rivalry between skiers and snowboarders remains strong and hostile....

Court Docs: MLS Coach Spanked Players, Called Concussed Players Pussies And More
In 2012, the Philadelphia Union fired then-coach Peter Nowak. The ongoing legal battle over that firing has made public the disturbing allegations that got Nowak canned. They include Nowak spanking rookie players, sometimes with a sandal, to the point where it hurt his own hand; belittling concussio...

Dirk Nowitzki Gets Rejected By The Rim, Has A Funny Excuse
Dirk Nowitzki is old as hell. He’s still great, mind you, but he’s very, very old. So old, in fact, that he’s out here getting stuffed by rim despite being seven feet tall....

Those Jamokes In Oregon Aren't Terrorists, They're Jamokes
The American political lexicon has an appropriate word for the armed men conspicuously loitering in part of Oregon’s Malheur National Wildlife Refuge instead of going home. It is not terrorist or militia or occupation or revolution or movement or front or army or resistance. The word is jamoke. “Get...

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We’re also just “working” today for appearance’s sake, so let’s talk about whatever’s on your mind. ...

"WHERE'D THE BALL GO!??"
It’s a bright, sunny day in El Paso for today’s Sun Bowl, where the snow is coming down so hard the ball is disappearing:...

The Worst Man On Facebook Ruined <i>Star Wars</i>
Penn Holderness, professional, uh, person who makes his family help him ruin pop music tracks on YouTube, is bad. His videos are bad. His hair is bad. “All About That Baste” is the absolute worst thing I have ever seen in my life. Everything about him is bad. Bad bad bad. Also, he (allegedly) big-ti...

How To Duck Social Obligations With Class
The holiday season is fully upon us. This means that by now you’ll have likely been bombarded with invites to seasonal parties and themed dinners and social get togethers. While it’s always good for the ol’ ego to be included in such things, this time of year brings with it a heavy feeling of social...

All Hail Dirk Nowitzki, Whose Old Ass Is Still Dominating
There was an easy bit of symmetry to latch onto during last night’s Mavericks-Knicks game, that being the image of 20-year-old Kristaps Porzingis going toe-to-toe with 37-year-old Dirk Nowitzki. The narrative arc almost draws itself: Here we have the best European import the NBA has ever seen facing...

Oh Huh, The Dallas Mavericks Might Be Good Again
The Dallas Mavericks were lumped in with the Portland Trailblazers as teams most likely to drop out of the playoffs this year. They missed out on Texas natives DeAndre Jordan and LaMarcus Aldridge, then overpaid for Wesley Matthews. The Great Emoji War was not kind to them. And yet here they are, wi...

Wisconsin Cheerleaders Leave The Field After Home Fans Pelt Them With Snowballs (UPDATE: Refs Too)
Your team is hosting the #21 Northwestern Wildcats in a crucial late-season game. You’re understandably pumped and there’s snow on the ground. You should throw a snowball! But no Northwestern fans are in range. Should you throw it at the nearby cheerleaders?...

Nobody Makes Dirk Nowitzki Bleed His Own Blood
Kelly Olynyk was frequently compared to Dirk Nowitzki coming out of college. Mostly because they’re both tall gangly white guys, but also because of some similarities in their games, especially the post moves that they employ....

David Cross Parodies "Know Your Rights" Videos With Keegan-Michael Key
In preview of David Cross and Bob Odenkirk’s new Netflix sketch series With Bob and David, they’ve released a clip which parodies the “Know Your Rights” videos. If you haven’t seen them, the series is a YouTube staple that features various ways with which to engage with law enforcement, and are ofte...

Russell Westbrook And Dirk Nowitzki Are Very Good At Halloween
This is always a great time of year to appreciate NBA players’ Halloween costumes, and nobody is doing it better than Russell Westbrook and Dirk Nowitkzi. ...