ns Page 1695 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

New Glarus Spotted Cow: Overrated Beer From An Underrated State

Wisconsin is a really cool state, and I swear I'm not being a condescending Northeast elitist about it. This isn't like when some loathsome New York City resident praises Chicago as a "nice little town." I don't mean "Wisconsin is really cool, for an upper Midwestern state that Prince isn't from,"...

Champions League Seeding Just Got A Whole Lot Better

Today, UEFA announced changes to the Champions League seeding system. It's smarter, more streamlined, and really, the way it should've been from the start....

High School Play Features Some Of The Worst Tackling You'll Ever See

This brief highlight is ostensibly supposed to show us what a talented high school wide receiver Angelo Wiggins is, and I suppose it does that, but what it really teaches us is that high school football players can't tackle for shit....

Texas News Station Tweets Photos Of Some Big Ol' Dicks [NSFW]

@TWCNewsAustin attempted to give its 32,000 Twitter followers a traffic update last night, something that the rush-hour commuters of Austin were surely eager for. Instead, those commuters got an eye full of dick....

Chandler Parsons Is Probably Thrilled To Be Away From Dwight Howard

First, watch this video of Howard catching up with his old teammate before last night's preseason game....

James Franklin Claims He Lied About Seeing Vanderbilt Rape Case Video

Penn State football coach James Franklin, who was Vanderbilt's football coach at the time of the alleged rape involving players Brandon Vandenburg, Brandon Banks, JaBorian McKenzie, and Cory Batey, testified through Skype at today's hearing for two of the suspects. The most noteworthy part of his te...

Trinidad And Tobago Women's Soccer Team Could Use Help With Meal Money

Trinidad and Tobago just made it to the United States for the final round of qualifying for the 2015 Women's World Cup, a goal the island nation has never achieved in its 23 years of fielding a women's soccer team. It's not going to be easy: the "Soca Princesses" have arrived with, quite literally, ...

<em>Denver Post</em> Suspends Avalanche Beat Writer For Twitter Meltdown

The Denver Post yesterday announced a two-week unpaid suspension for Avalanche beat writer Adrian Dater, after he blasted a young Kings player for a three-year-old "pussy play," got into a screaming match on Twitter with just about everyone, and slid into a another writer's inbox to tell him to ...

That's Entertainment

University Of Alabama Relents, Daisha Simmons Will Play At Seton Hall

The saga of former Alabama basketball player Daisha Simmons looks like it is finally coming to an end. The University of Alabama announced Tuesday night that they had changed course and were supporting Simmons's waiver request to be able to play basketball at Seton Hall this upcoming season. If you'...

Cedric Benson Is Sending NFL Teams This Tape In Hopes Of Landing A Job

Cedric Benson has been out of the NFL since suffering a debilitating football injury during the 2012 season. He's apparently trying a comeback; this is the video he's sent to NFL teams to show them he's healthy and worth a tryout....

Is The Redskins' "VIP" Indian Defender A Fake Indian?

Mark One Wolf was, for a time, a favored native in Dan Snyder's fight to save the "Redskins" nickname. "Native American backing team name is VIP at practice," read a Richmond Times-Dispatch headline. It was accompanied by an Associated Press photo of One Wolf in profile, as if to echo the team's l...

Police Officer Levels Kid Running At Nick Saban After Ole Miss Win

Immediately after Ole Miss upset Alabama, officers escorted loser Nick Saban off the field to get him back to his lair. One jubilant Rebels fan ran too close to Saban. He was dealt with....

Angry Alabama Fan Is Back With More Burns For Colin Cowherd

The last time we heard from Phyllis, she was smarting from Alabama's Iron Bowl loss to Auburn, and called into Paul Finebaum's radio show to let off some steam by calling Colin Cowherd mean names, like "Cow-Turd." Alabama lost last weekend, and Cowherd once again drew Phyllis's ire with his comments...

Richard Sherman Had His Hair Pulled, Responded With Vicious Shit-Talk

Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman has always walked a fine line between showman and dickbag. After infuriating Pierre Garçon to the point of hair-pulling, and dismissing his football worth entirely, I bet I could guess which side Garçon would come down on....

According To The NFL, NFL Security Is Incompetent

The NFL has given ABC News a detailed account of the league's attempts to obtain information about the night that Ray Rice was arrested for assault, and it portrays NFL security as a stunningly incompetent organization. As told to ABC News by NFL spokesperson Brian McCarthy, the NFL attempted to obt...

Cristiano Ronaldo Likens Ugly Tackle To Rugby; Rugby World Turns Stupid

Cristiano Ronaldo was none too happy about his early exit from last week's Champions League match between Real Madrid and Ludogorets, necessitated by this late challenge in the final minutes. After the game, the winger described the tackle thus: "It was a very ugly tackle and it seemed as if we were...

Steven Stamkos Has Total Goal Recall

TSN host James Duthie gave Lightning scoring machine Steven Stamkos a test. A random date, an opponent, and a score, and Stamkos was asked to recall his goal. Goals, plural, it turns out—and Stamkos nailed them both....

You Like Bacon Because <em>They</em> Told You To

You are a North American, and probably a male, and so you like bacon. Bacon good, you say, making that Tim Allen caveman face: Me like bacon. Me not want to eat unbacon food. Bacon make food better. Me put bacon on burger, in chocolate, around scallop. Me brush teeth with bacon toothpaste. Me make l...

It Took 36 Browns QBs 28 Seasons To Match Peyton Manning's 500 TDs

Peyton Manning reached 500 touchdown passes yesterday. Five hundred is an arbitrary number. (A nice, round number that enshrines him in the elite company of one, but arbitrary nonetheless.) How can you truly grasp the weight of an arbitrary number? Set it as the constant, and see how extreme the oth...