ns Page 2284 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Erin Andrews: "Darrin's Dance Grooves" Superstar
Ten years ago, Darrin Henson was the Tom Emanski of instructional dance videos. He had one enthusiastic pupil, though. Yes, at the :45 mark, the future Sideline Princess was doing her best hard-sell on one of the lamest infomercial videos ever....

Because Shaking Hands With Brian Scalabrine Is A Total Jinx
Scalabrine, the red-headed bench warmer, never gets to join in any reindeer games. Maybe it was the Clark Griswold lounge-cruising footwear that caused Tony Allen and Big Baby Davis to just blatantly ignore him. (H/T MK Migraine) [YouTube]...

The Tiger Woods Injury-Condition Flub You've Been Waiting For All Day
Tiger Woods' bulging disc has forced him to exit The Players Championship and occasioned a Freudian moment from one unfortunate Golf Channel reporter, who called the injury a "bulging dick." H/T Michael....

Commence Your Snickering: Tiger Pulls Out Of The Players With Bulging Disc
Woods is out of The Players Championship with what he thinks is a bulging disc. He had shot a 70-71-71 going into today and now withdraws after knocking a fat double-entendre right down the fairway. [NYT]...

Today In Hilarious Baseball Stat-Geek Mockery: Dan Shaughnessy And Pudding
Ladies and germs, I give you Dan Shaughnessy, from his aforementioned Globe column:...

Ex-Con Minor League Pitcher Enters Game, Throws/Grabs Junk, Is Will Ferrell
Will Ferrell made a promotional appearance last night at the Houston Astros' triple-A affiliate in Round Rock, Texas, playing a Venezuelan by the name of Rojo Johnson, fresh out of the clink after doing time for illegal iguana selling....

Ted Leonsis: Greatest Owner Ever?
As his first act as owner of the Wizards (and the Verizon Center), Leonsis will take down the Washington Mystics' attendance banners. All the Mystics fans will be chartering a single Volkswagen Golf to drive to the protest. [Ted's Take]...

Private Stache: Magic The Gathering
As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo....

Welcome To Bizarro Continent, Where Canada Owns Our Asses At Sports Management
While Glendale and Gary Bettman flounder about, there's already a deal in place to move the Coyotes to Winnipeg. Meanwhile Montreal has been tapped to join MLS, and, oh look, they've already got a team. Shit, America, get it together....

Not-So-Great Memorabilia For A Great Cause
Vince Young is partnering to help raise money for Tennessee flood victims: donate $100, and receive an autographed photo. But don't worry, we checked; donate $150, and they won't send the photo. [Vincent Young Foundation]...

Indians Announcer Goes On Epic Indians Rant On The Indians' Network
Bruce Drennan has had it up to here with the Indians' poor play this season. Yesterday, he decided to go through his scoresheet and give each player an equal-opportunity ripping, looking like a Don Rickles-Gilbert Gottfried hybrid in the process. [WFNY]...

Amar'e Is Against Arizona's Immigration Bill Because The Jews Have Suffered Enough (UPDATE)
Whatever your politics, there are plenty of good reasons to support "Los Suns'" Cinco De Mayo gesture. Amar'e Stoudemire's is not one of them....

This T-Shirt Is Not Torn And Frayed: Got Drunk, Got High, Got Tasered
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...

The "Andrei Kirilenko's Yearly Free Pass Watch" Reaches DEFCON-2
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

You Like Sex and Football. So Do We
Nearly 1,800 Deadspin readers have shared their feedback with us via the 2010 Gawker Media Census. 83% of those who responded are having regular sex (improvement over last year!) but when they're not boning, 94% are watching football. Flabbergasting. Join the party—click through to submit your Censu...

Last Night's Winner: The Dogged Efforts To Prove Dez Bryant's Mom Is A Sinner
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Karacter Kops determined to prove that the mother of a newly minted professional football player is, while not a hooker, still a very bad person....

And Now, The Taser Video You've All Been Waiting For
Ah, baseball. The crack of the bat. The feel of the grass. The smell of burning hair, as 1200 volts of electricity course through a 17-year-old's nervous system....

If Tevez Doesn’t Like It He Can Sod Off, Suggests Mancini
In political terms, the world of football closest in type to classic socialism. Everyone wears the same outfit, united in the one common goal, and no man is bigger than the club....

Derby Day Video Recap: A Mad Dash Across Porta-Potty Rooftops, Mudwrestling, And Bad Techno (NSFW)
This year, the drizzly weather made the usual activities along the Churchill Downs infield (portalet runs, women sunning themselves in bikinis) that much more dangerous (slippery portalet runs) and sleazy (women mudwrestling in bikinis). Here's everything you missed....

Dez Bryant's Non-Streetwalking Mother Upset That Jeff Ireland Has Not Apologized To Her
"No, he has not called. I think he should have. Why wouldn't you do that?," she complained to Fanhouse. Maybe Ireland still thinks he would risk a solicitation charge if he called her directly....