ns Page 2311 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Astros Are Confident Brett Myers Won't Punch His Wife In The Face Anymore
"We did our due diligence, we talked to the Phillies, we talked to Brett and we're satisfied that this is not going to be an ongoing problem." [Philly.com]...

Jose Canseco Still Wants People To Hear The TRUTH, Dammit
Wasn't it just a short time ago that Jose Canseco said he regretted naming names in "Juiced" and wanted to personally apologize to those he outed? October, 2008, to be exact. However, now that Big Mac's talking, Jose's angry again....

Layla Kiffin Will Become New Head Coach's Wife At USC
Unreal. After all his distracting, rule-bending bravado in one year at Tennessee, Lane Kiffin has, according to multiple outlets, signed on to replace Pete Carroll at USC. In addition to his wife, Kiffin's also bringing dad to Southern Cal....

Texas Writer Eats Crow, Spits It In Alabama's Face
Even after his Longhorns' crushing defeat in the BCS title game, Austin's John Kelso still can't resist taking a few more (half-hearted) digs at the state of Alabama. They do make it really, really easy. [Earlier]...

This Little Packer Fan Cried All The Way Home
How painful was Green Bay's overtime loss to Arizona. I think this sad and demonstrative Packer fan, spotted on the 2 train in New York City last night, tells the story just fine....

Today In Poor Photo Choices
Curse you, Huffington Post, for having a sense of humor about Jermaine Phillips's spousal abuse arrest. Or maybe the person in charge of selecting a picture just felt pressured for time and...choked. [HuffPo]...

NHL Games Get Dirty Dirtier
Who says characterless arenas don't have home field advantage? Thanks to lasers and "lost" replays, Vancouver and Pittsburgh have been able to get a leg up on the competition...

Ravens Fan Pays For Treason With Mild Electrocution
If you're going to bet against your team, do the world a favor and make sure the wager provides for some excellent physical humor. Like an electric dog fence, for example....

Let's All Remember Shea Stadium, With Drunken Fatty Lawsuits
A woman is suing the Mets after an intoxicated 300-pound fan comically tumbled down several rows of seats, and not-so-comically landed on her and broke her back....

Gilbert Arenas Is Not A Political Prisoner
DeShawn Stevenson gave over valuable ankle tape space, and fans brought signs reading "Free Gil" for today's game. It's the only evidence in the building he ever existed. We've always been at war with Eastasia....

The Jayhawks' New Game Plan Is Undefendable (Too Bad They Didn't Use It Today)
Looking for a way around the half-court press, practicing Kansas players jacked up a half-court shot. Then another. Then another. And so on and so forth....

When LT Meets Tim And Eric
Welp...guess those drugs you didn't know you took haven't worn off yet....

AFC Wild Card Open Thread: Ravens-Patriots
Ravens fans are all getting inked up. Patriots fans are feeling kinda "meh." Team that plays in the suburbs vs. team whose fans live in the suburbs - who ya got? Talk amongst yourselves in the comments....

Togo Withdraws From Tournament After Machine-Gun Attack; 4 Dead, Reportedly
Togo has pulled out of the Africa Cup of Nations, with perhaps other teams to follow, in the aftermath of Friday's attack by Angolan separatists. A backup goalkeeper, two staff members, and the driver all were killed, the Guardian reports....

Wizards Now Pretending Gilbert Arenas Never Existed
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Seahawks Shack Up With Pete Carroll As If He Were A Grad Student Living In Malibu
Pete Carroll has come to terms with Seattle, according to the stuffed animals at Adam Schefter's tea party. He'll be introduced just as soon as the Seahawks find a minority in whom to feign interest. [ESPN]...

Sixers Have Something For Everyone, Except Basketball Fans
Philly hired a VH1 reality show host to give lonely fans dating advice, and next week sees a postgame concert from noted NBA player favorite Matisyahu. The Iverson sideshow's not moving as many tickets as hoped, methinks. [NBA/NBA]...

Seahawks About To Land Pete Carroll?
"Pete Carroll is the guy Seahawks are targeting. It is expected to happen," according to Chris Mortensen's imaginary friends. [@mortreport, LAT]...

The One Where The LA Angels Catcher's Mom Accidentally Shows Her Nipple On New Year's Eve
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another. (NSFW)...

Last Night's Winner: Joyless Robot Prigs
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Nick Saban, recipient of history's unhappiest Gatorade bath, a coach who won a national championship but would probably fail a Turing test....