ns Page 2317 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Metrodome Bathroom Swallows Another Victim
The Metrodome will not let the Twins escape easily, even if it has to trap former Rookies of the Year inside its porcelain bowels for all eternity....

Glenn Beck Is (Gasp!) Right About Football Helmets
Professional lunatic Glenn Beck has argued—based on this article in the Wall Street Journal—that football helmets are evil, because they make players reckless and, eventually, crippled. It's pains me to say so....but he has a point....

Texas Professors See Mack Brown Rolling, They Hating
An unofficial resolution passed by Texas' Faculty Council declares the football coach's $5 million pay package to be "unseemly and inappropriate." Unfortunately, he couldn't hear them as he was trapped under a suitcase full of $50 bills. [Austin American-Statesman]...

Missouri Basketball Players Say Cheerleader Beatdown Was Self-Defense
Twist! The two Lady Tiger hoops players accused of roughing up a male cheerleader say that they did get physical with him, but only after he G-O-T A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E with their other female friend....

Everyone Talking About Tiger Woods, Except People Paid To Talk About Professional Golf
CBS golf commentator Ian Baker-Finch to The Sydney Morning Herald: "Mate, if I say one word about Tiger I will get fired." Maybe he could just whisper? [SMH]...

Tiger's Latest Mistress: A Doping Scandal
Because Tiger Woods doesn't have enough problems right now, being embroiled in a drug investigation should liven things up a bit. At least he should be used to the innuendo, speculation, and snickering taunts by now....

A-Rod Loses His Golden Muse
A stunning report from the bowels of the gossip arena on a Tiger Woods break: Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson have apparently broken up. No golf clubs were swung, no hydrants were run over, according to reports so far....

Missouri Basketball Players (Who Are Women) Beat Up Cheerleader (Who Isn't)
Much like their Kansas brethren, Missouri's athletic department is being torn asunder by intra-sports team strife. Only it's not the teams you usually expect, since we're talking about women's basketball and cheerleading. These kids do not compromise....

Late Game Open Thread: A Whole Lot Of Yuck
Team That Makes Old Ladies Sad v. Team Run By A Sad Old Lady; Rejuvenated Vince Young v. Reanimated Kyle Boller; Holding Romos v. Litigious Merrimans, etc. #nflforums [NFL.com]...

Hank Gola Leaves The Yard
It was bound to happen eventually that a blushing sportswriter would pick up his crayons and write something about Tiger Woods so egregiously stupid that it'd make Mark Whicker look like Grantland Rice. Take it away, Hank Gola....

Roller Derby Twins Make Good
That's odd. ESPN's Page 2 has a story from a blonde girl who lives with her twin sister in New York City and tried out for the local roller derby ... heyyyyyyy, wait a second.......

Last Night's Winner: Pirates Fans
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Pittsburgh's baseball fans, who don't have to be alone anymore. Cheering for championships are overrated anyway!...

Madness Is...A 49ers Taquería Mural
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Excavating Bill Simmons: NY Mag Writers Take On That Big Ol' Book Of Basketball
Jonathan Lethem; Sam Anderson; Sherman Alexie; Bethlehem Shoals. Oh, and Tommy Craggs, who takes off his angry pants for a little bit but manages to somehow squeeze in a reference to Astral Weeks. [NYmag]...

<em>Life & Style</em> Goes Fishing For Tiger Tales
A Life & Style reporter is searching for information about Joslyn James. If anyone can help her, please contact her immediately. I won't be able to help, unfortunately. Her email, after the jump....

An Angry And Bewildered Nation Watches Rick Reilly® Ruin <em>SportsCenter</em>
Someone let Rick Reilly® anchor the West Coast edition of SportsCenter again, and sweet sassy molassy was he awful....

The Machine Won: 10 Preposterous Moments From <em>SI</em>'s 1996 Tiger Woods Profile
In 1996, Sports Illustrated named a 20-year-old Tiger Woods its Sportsman of the Year, and Gary Smith's accompanying story portrayed a young man who somehow combined the best parts of Doogie Howser and Buddha. It seemed like a stretch....

Last Night's Winner: Mack Brown
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Texas coach Mack Brown, who is about to get seriously paid. This is what is known as "striking while the iron is hot."...

Oakland's Happy Family Just Got A Little More Dysfunctional
Randy Hanson, noted coach punchee, is back working with the Raiders. Even for a historically feckless franchise, this is surprising. Let's look at the possibilities....
