ns Page 2349 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A One-Day Study On Use And Variance Of "Pussy" Uttered By Brian Urlacher
First Bobby Wade said that Brian Urlacher called new teammate Jay Cutler a pussy. Urlacher denied it. Then Urlacher said the radio stations starting this nonsense were the pussies. Explanations and clarifications disrupt a quiet Wednesday in the Windy City....
Rick Reilly®, Sportsmanship Nazi
"I hated that sweater for the same reason I hate when a player preens for the camera in the 'I'm going to Disney World' commercials," Reilly writes in his latest, thus completing his transformation into Andy Rooney....
Sports Writer Turns To Pimping For Extra Cash
Things are tough these days for newspapers (don't say it) and their writers (don't say it), but if you must work a second job, please don't try "deriving income from prostitution," because that just causes more difficulties for you. (Don't....)...
Sources: With Favre's Decision, ESPN Will Have To Turn Elsewhere For Worthless Scoops
One of the many tragedies of Brett Favre's non-unretirement is that Ed Werder and Chris Mortensen, ESPN's Woodward and Bernstein of the small-bore, will no longer be feverishly working their anonymous sources for the world's most trivial Favre scoops....
Jack Wilson, Ian Snell Released From Pirate Jail
Pittsburgh gives Seattle their shortstop and a nervous nellie pitcher in exchange for a vanload of prospects and an autographed picture of Sasquatch. [MLB.com]...
Drew Brees' Crazy Mom Moves Up To Extortion
For the record, Saints QB Drew Brees still has a "nonexistent" relationship with his mother, so he probably didn't sign off on her recent plan to dupe Texas restaurants into paying her for the name of their own business....
Heck Of A Career, Jim, But Can You DH Tomorrow?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Jay Mariotti, Making Children Cry
Jay the Joker one-ups Woody Paige with a human prop. The baby's tears represent America, except America would have tried to poop on him. [H/T reader Dan]...
Jim Johnson Passes Away At 68
I shouldn't be the one doing this post. A.J.'s the Eagles fan. I'm a Giants fan. But I've got absolutely no problems being the one to eulogize one of the most respected figures in the 21st century NFL....
FAVRE! FAVRE! FAVRE! FAVRE! FAVRE!
Is staying retired. For now. [StarTribune]...
Hey, Kirk Herbstreit's House Is On Fire!
Herbie let his local fire department burn down his home in exchange for a tax break, but the IRS wants the money anyway. He could sell his house to pay the bill if it hadn't just burned down! [Columbus Dispatch]...
The First Sideline Reporter: "All Of This Was Just Nonsense"
The sideline reporter was young and attractive and more or less an open appeal to the lower enthusiasms of sports fans. The year was 1974. Jim Lampley was here to tell America about mascots and homecoming queens....
David Beckham's Hecklers Not So Tough After All
David Beckham had another run-in with fans—with the notoriously nasty Kansas City soccer scene—but the where and why is not really important. What is important, is that fans need to do a better job managing their smack talk....
One Fan Who Wasn't Invited To Super Mario's Pool Party
No wonder the Penguins won the Stanley Cup. They had a homeless, bipolar man sending them Christian music CDs, notes with dietary suggestions — no sweets! — and vitamin tips. And people say home ice is an advantage. [Post-Gazette/Puck Daddy]...
Ladies: If You Don't Want Men Looking At You Through A Peephole, Stop Watching Sports
I've read this column by US News & World Report writer Bonnie Erbe three times to see if I'm possibly taking the quote out of context or missing a broader issue or accidentally inhaled WD-40 but, sadly, I have not....
Minaya Sort Of Apologizes
Omar Minaya called another press conference last night, and in this one he managed to not entirely shoot off his own foot, which probably had something to do with his boss, COO Jeff Wilpon, standing ominously at his side....
Drew Bennett's Glorious Two-Day Run With The Ravens
On Friday, wide receiver Drew Bennett was healthy, rested and ready to play. So Baltimore gave him a one-year contract. Then he woke up on Sunday with a sore knee, so he retired. Didn't the Ravens call no takebacks?...
Swimsuit Still Has Major Rear Air Conditioning Problems
This poor Italian woman first suffered this indignity. Yesterday, U.S. swimmer Ricky Berens' suit also busted open in the back, revealing his backside to America. The Huffington Post even utilized its seldom used "ass cam" for the occasion. [KC.com]...
Minaya Calls Out <em>Daily News</em> Reporter; Mets' Season Descends Further Into Farce
Earlier today, Omar Minaya addressed the firing of brawlin' Tony Bernazard, the Mets' VP for player development, and used the occasion to humiliate New York Daily News reporter Adam Rubin, whom Minaya accused of angling for a front-office job....
Peter King On King's Peter
"Trip to the urologist. Regular checkup. Two docs. First doc examines me, and I should say he examines me thoroughly. He leaves and the other doc comes in. ... He puts on the rubber glove. Whoa! Whoa!" [SI.com]...