ns Page 2467 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Florida Marlins Are Looking For Fat Dudes
We know the Florida Marlins have had considerably difficulties over the last, oh, forever, bringing in scores of fans to Dolphin Stadium, or Pro Player, or La Birdcage, whatever they're calling it these days. Finally, they've stumbled across the only marketing gimmick they hadn't tried: Fat guys!...
About Last Night
What you missed while searching for Rollo Tomase ... • NBA: Eastbound and down ... Ray Allen, LeBron tame the West in a game you watched from start to finish. Right? • NASCAR: Ryan Newman prevails at Daytona 500. The only story you'll see linked here today with the words "restrictor-plate racetrack"...
John Rocker Likes Bewbs; Buckeyes Like Yukyuks
The inimitable Southside Steve here holds a stimulating chinwag with John RACKA about the ever-pressing subject of breastesesestsss. See, Leitch, this is how you ask the challenging questions. When's Southside Steve putting out a book? There's a guy with something to say!...
Down Go the Liverpudlians!
Hey, wow, Liverpool lost to, uh, Barnsley. That sounds like an upset, I think. Don't ask me, I'm a red-blooded blinkered American simian who don't truck no foreigner sports. I'm sure the losers all groused and said things like "poxy" and called each "prats" and ate bad food with their jagged teeth. ...
We Are Shiva, The God Of Death
We're not the guy you kill. We're the guy you buy! Are you so fucking blind that you don't even see what we are? We sold out Arthur for 80 grand. We're your easiest problem and you're gonna kill us?...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Oh, How Matters Have Changed In Bloomington
We're a bit late on this, but continuing the Indiana pile-on this morning, apparently this guy wore a "Bring Back Bobby" T-shirt to the Indiana-Wisconsin game the other night. And they made him take it off....
Roger Clemens, Talking Himself Further Down The Hole
All told, as the dust has settled from Roger Clemens' appearance before Congress yesterday, one thing is clear: There is, in fact, a worse stance to take under oath than "I'm not here to talk about this past." And it involves ass bleeding....
No, You've Got It All Wrong, Fellas. Brady Quinn LOVES The Gays
Brady Quinn would like to make it clear: He does not hate gay people. Responding to accusations that he hurled gay slurs at a group of men in a New Year's Eve altercation in Columbus, Ohio, Quinn said on Wednesday that, nope, it never happened. And furthermore, you know that Brokeback Mountain seque...
What Today Has Meant, If Anything
Who knows what one can take from the ridiculousness on display in the Clemens testimony today? As we suspected, no one comes out looking good, and we didn't really learn anything either. One guy's lying, one guy isn't, we have a pretty solid idea which is which, and it ultimately doesn't really mat...
Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks
Bad news for all those who actually watch the opening and closing ceremonies at the Summer Olympics; Steven Spielberg has dropped out as director at the Beijing Games. Or actually he was going to be the "artistic adviser," whatever that means. All I know is that now my dream of watching Dennis Weave...
Wrapping Up The 2008 Westminster Dog Show
The Westminster Dog Show at Madison Square Garden finished up yesterday. We dispatched intrepid reporter Barry Petchesky to cover the show, give us the lay of the land and clock some bitches. Barry Petchesky is a freelance writer in New York City, and he plans to use this as a clip, which is rather...
Media Approval Ratings: Chris Mortensen
Mr. Mortensen, ESPN's NFL reporter who isn't a cranky old coot, has been on the air less and less in recent years. We always enjoyed him bickering with Bill Parcells, back when they were on NFL Countdown together. Mr. Mortensen certainly receives some credit for siring an actual, real live football ...
What You've Missed So Far In The Clemens Hearings
So, here's pretty much what you've missed in the Roger Clemens testimony so far: • Clemens said the conversation in which Andy Pettitte claims Clemens admitted to steroid use was actually about "a TV show in which three older people said they'd used HGH and improved their quality of life." Oh, so...
Roger Clemens' Supposed, Alleged Day Of Reckoning
As you know, we've had a hard time getting ourselves worked up about the Clemens-in-front-of-Congress hype; someone's telling the truth, someone's lying, and what it has to do at all with the steroid "problem" is beyond our comprehension. But hey: It's possible that Roger Clemens' entire reputation...
Brady Quinn Attacks His Only Fans Left
Remember that famous "Saturday Night Live" sketch, in which William Shatner famous told Trekkies to "get a life, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show?" Even though it was just a sketch, it took him years to make it up to his rabid and most loyal supporters. We suspect Brady Quinn, in a much le...
The Westminster Dog Show: Bitches, Man, Bitches
Starting yesterday and concluding today, the Westminster Dog Show at Madison Square Garden features the finest athletic specimens at MSG since ... well, since the last Dog Show. We don't consider competitive dog preening a sport, but we do find it funny, and we think Best In Show is one of the funn...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you enjoy your free pancakes ... • College basketball: Michigan State at Purdue (7 p.m., ET); Kentucky at Vanderbilt (9 p.m., ET). Please give a big Memorial Gym welcome to the Commodores! [ESPN] • College basketball: North Carolina at Virginia (8 p.m., ET). Game too close to call, ...
Roger Clemens Vs. Congress ... Quien Es Mas Macho?
We find it difficult to work ourselves up about this Roger Clemens Congress business. We think it's because the purpose of this has all been so lost. Remember, these Congressional "trials" were meant to get to the bottom of this steroid mess, find out how we got here, for the kids! But that's not wh...