of Page 316 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bless This Oafish Koch Heir And His Hideous Shirts
Because it is so cruel and so stupid, so petty and also so astonishingly vast, it is difficult to fully get a handle on the $1.5 trillion tax bill that the Republicans pushed through the House and Senate on Wednesday. A disconcerting number of little fees and insults in the bill are only now becomin...
Isaac Newton Is Not Elite
A story, in two tweets:...
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Poor Bloke's Escalator Odyssey From Hell
Rarely does any scenario become worse after your dick and balls get smashed to hell. But our friend here, wearing what appears to be a Bristol City or maybe an England kit, was only beginning to get acquainted with true pain when he went airborne....
UNC Humiliated At Home In Loss To Wofford
The mighty terriers of Wofford knocked off No. 5 North Carolina tonight for their first-ever win over a ranked team with a 79-75 victory. ...
Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week: Andy Dalton Plays Football
Welcome to Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week, a recurring feature in which we celebrate the worst quarterback play the NFL has to offer....
Rio Ferdinand Still Gets Hella Hyped Watching Manchester United Play
Rio Ferdinand hasn’t played professional soccer since 2015, and he hasn’t suited up for Manchester United since the year before that, but as this clip of his exuberant celebrations while covering United’s recent thrilling win over Arsenal proves, he remains very much invested in the goings on at Old...
NFL Official Eats It; Bucs Lose
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers lost 24-21 to the Atlanta Falcons tonight when Patrick Murray missed a possible game-tying 54-yard field goal as time expired. The Bucs spiked the ball on the play before to stop the clock with six seconds left, but they would’ve had a few more had the official bringing the ...
$13 Billion Industry Uses Folded-Up Piece Of Paper To Determine Outcomes
The Cowboys earned a first down tonight in a play so ridiculous it made the Steelers’ loss look positively pedestrian. The NFL uses computer chips in uniforms, pads, and the football itself—but the decision to award first downs still comes down to a technology so analogue it existed two hundred year...
Today In Fake Sports News: Jacksonville Jaguars Declare Bankruptcy, Because Of Thugs
If you are like most NFL fans, you were surprised to learn on Facebook yesterday—or the day before that, or last week—that a NFL team was preparing to declare bankruptcy due to, uh, the entitled and ungrateful thugs and the kneeling during the national anthem and the veterans there’s so many and you...
Please Do Check Out The Spicy Drama Going Down At The International Society For The History Of The Map
I’ve found, personally, an inverse correlation between how interesting an institutional power squabble is and how significant the institution in question is. A power squabble at the highest levels of a large national government, for example, is not really interesting; it will very often be terrifyin...
Amazing Online Hoax <em></em>Welcomes "Washington RedHawks" To The NFL
As a general rule, when the internet’s baking outer shitlands send aspiring creators of fake news, it isn’t sending us its best. It’s sending Destroy Belly Fat With One Weird Click fraudwads, it’s sending Macedonian click-hustlers and pinwheel-eyed domestic weirdos whose minds have been corroded by...
Report: Aw, Man, Shohei Ohtani Has Mild Ligament Damage In His Elbow
The words “elbow” and “damage” can easily be terrifying when used together in any headline about a pitcher, much less one who could potentially be among the greatest players of his generation and certainly among the most fascinating, but do not fret (that much). Jeff Passan of Yahoo Sports has repor...
Auburn: Associate Softball Coach Was Banned For Romantic Relationships With Students<em></em>
Former Auburn associate head softball coach Corey Myers—son of former head coach Clint Myers, who abruptly retired this summer—was banned from campus for having romantic relationships with multiple students whom he supervised or coached, according to a letter from the school’s Title IX office obtain...
Rich People Demolished <i>L.A. Weekly</i> To Build The Future They Want For Journalism
In 2009, L.A. Weekly wrote a story about jerkin’—a dance craze sweeping across the Los Angeles basin—that highlighted the work of then little-known rapper YG. “He was so fresh out of prison, he still had ‘FREE YG!’ on his MySpace page,” the story’s author Jeff Weiss told me. It was one of the first ...
Alan Trammell Wins Long Overdue Election To Hall Of Fame<em></em>
It took over 15 years of waiting, but Alan Trammell is finally in the Baseball Hall of Fame. With 13 out of 16 votes, the Modern Baseball Era committee chose the longtime Detroit Tigers shortstop to finally gain entrance to Cooperstown, after never getting more than 37% on the traditional writers’ b...
Late Clock Error Absolutely Hoses The Wizards In Los Angeles
The John Wall-less Washington Wizards took on the Blake Griffin- and Patrick Beverley-less Clippers in Los Angeles today, in a game that managed to be pretty fun even with roughly a quarter of its normal star wattage. The Clippers dominated the first half, but Bradley Beal came alive in the second h...
Jozy Altidore Leads Toronto To Championship In MLS Title Game Rematch
A 67th-minute Jozy Altidore goal led Toronto to a 2-0 win over Seattle that earned his team its first-ever MLS championship and avenged last year’s MLS title match loss to the Sounders....
MLB's Stupid Rules Might Lead To A Shohei Ohtani Investigation
Shohei Ohtani just signed with the Angels, and according to a report from ESPN, there’s a good chance they will be subjected to an investigation by Major League Baseball....
This Last-Second Make-And-Miss By Hofstra Was Glorious
The final few seconds of tonight’s Hofstra-Monmouth game were pretty damn fun, with Hofstra perfectly executing the ol’ make-and-intentional-miss with their last free throws to set up a game-winning three. ...