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The NFL Will Happily Pretend A Bounty Is The Worst Scandal Ever
Today, Gregg Williams has his heart weighed by Anubis. Williams is in New York to meet with Roger Goodell in the NFL's impenetrable Park Avenue fortress, but Goodell isn't alone. He's accompanied by Jeff Miller and Joe Hummel, the heads of the NFL's investigative and security teams, and I don't know...

Bountygate Gives Roger Goodell Another Chance To Show You What A Big Dick He Has
I'd like to thank Gregg Williams for inspiring the single stupidest blog post headline of the year, from Frank Bruni of The New York Times. You can tell a sports scandal has reached its wear-out phase if Bruni feels compelled to chime in on it. Anyway, here's the headline:...

Mets Owners Have To Pay Back $83 Million In Phony Madoff Profits, Have To Go To Trial Over $300M More
This is the worst news for the Mets in the last three days, non-valley fever edition:...

Meet The Convicted Felon Who Defrauded The NFL, Made Reggie Bush Ineligible, And Funded The Saints' Bounty Program
If the NFL were to punish every team that ran a bounty program, there are very few teams they wouldn't have to punish. That's becoming obvious in the wake of the Saints' bounty scandal, and in the parade of stories making clear that money is going to be a large factor in the league's investigation. ...

NFL Will Now Investigate Washington Redskins For Bounty Program
On Friday, it was reported that the Washington Redskins, under Gregg Williams, also had a bounty program similar to the Saints', where the Skins would pay out for "kill shots." The NFL is now investigating the matter and focusing on Williams' time with the team between 2004 and 2007....

Sloan Sports Analytics Conference: Lots Of Smart People, And One Bro Who Likes Jerking Off In The Background
MIT's Sloan Sports Analytics Conference regularly features the best minds in sports—people like Bill James, Mark Cuban, et cetera. It also, apparently, features dudes who like making jerk-off motions behind Michael Smith, whose Numbers Never Lie program aired live from MIT yesterday. Here's Smith...

Report: The Redskins Also Had A Cash-For-Injuries Program Under Gregg Williams
The Washington Post reports that former Redskins say they had a bounty system similar to the Saints', where players would be rewarded for hits that injuring opponents. Instead of New Orleans's "cart-offs" and "knockouts," the Skins under Gregg Williams paid out sums for "kill shots."...

Jonathan Vilma Offered $10,000 To Whoever Took Out Brett Favre
More details are coming out about the Saints' bounty program that put dollar values on injuring opposing players. Peter King reports that before the 2010 NFC Championship Game against Minnesota, Jonathan Vilma put up $10,000 of his own money to anyone who took Brett Favre out of the game. Favre wa...

The Hit That Knocked Kurt Warner Into Retirement Sure Looks Different Knowing The Saints Got Paid To Injure Him
An NFL investigation that lasted two whole years has come to fruition, with the league announcing that the Saints defense had a bounty program over the last three seasons. The pool was orchestrated by defensive coordinator Gregg Williams, and reportedly rewarded players as much as $1500 for a "kn...

Dikembe Mutombo And The Case Of The Missing Congolese Gold
Earlier this year, the Houston Chronicle reported that Kase Lawal, a rich Houston businessman appointed by Barack Obama to a FTC committee, had become enmeshed in an illicit scheme to smuggle several tons of gold out of the Democratic Republic of the Congo in 2011. What caught the eye wasn't so much...

Georgia Soccer Player Arrested For Shoving $1.06 Worth Of Hash Browns Down Her Pants
It's not that University of Georgia soccer player Carli Shultis didn't have the money to pay for the hash browns she craved at the Bulldog Cafe last Tuesday morning. It's just that, well, it feels good to get one over on the man by sticking those crispy tater treats down one's pants....

Comments Of The Fortnight-Ish: Your Racist Jokes Are The Pee-Pee In Our Coke
In recent articles on commenting we've discussed freshness and originality, and now, having tackled those, we're prepared to move on to the slightly weightier topic of race relations in Western culture. Well, not quite. But we are going to talk about racist jokes....

Mark McGwire Thinks He Has The Numbers For The Hall Of Fame, But "Obviously Something Happened"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: McGwire says it's all out of his hands now....

Taunting In Professional Bowling Is The Best Taunting
There was a lot riding on Pete Weber's final roll at last night's Professional Bowlers Association's U.S. Open. The 49-year-old Weber needed no less than a strike to defeat Mike Fagan to become the first man to win the tournament five times, and to become the oldest man to win the event. But this w...

Ken Dryden Discusses Maple Leaf Gardens Sex Scandal
In Today's The Globe and Mail, former Canadiens goaltender and current Canadian politician, Ken Dryden, wrote one of the more open and honest essays on sexual abuse you'll read....

Deadspin's Top 10 Movies Of 2011
For many years, prior to the Oscar nominations, the boy from Mattoon and his friend Tim have put on their Ebert t-shirts and run down their personal best movies the year. It's cute. Sometimes I chime in. My list is below....

Tonight On The Longhorn Network, It's Texas Softball Featuring "Great Breasts And Online Fetishes"
Reader Geoff was engaged in some late-night channel-surfing a few days ago and caught this shocking anomaly. Somebody actually receives the Longhorn Network!...

Want To Read Some Of Your Favorite Baseball Writers On Some Of Your Favorite Players?
There's a Kickstarter for the Hall of Very Good, an e-book featuring Deadspin contributors Will Leitch and Owen Good, titans of the trade Rob Neyer and Joe Posnanski, and way too many terrific others to list. Go forth!...

Mike Scioscia Says Angels' Expectations Don't Go Up With A Bigger Payroll, Has Obviously Never Followed Baseball Before
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: The Angels skipper won't take the bait and call them a "Dream Team."...

"Shitballs": Curling Profanity Is Strange
You can throw out the record books when the Alberta and Quebec women's curling teams get together. It got pretty heated yesterday at the Scotties Tournament of Hearts (Canada's women's championship), when Alberta skip Heather Nedohin let loose a creative swear word after coming up short on her sho...