of Page 552 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cock-Sucking Son Of A Bitch MLB Players Were Warned About Swearing, Those Cunt-Lapping Bastards
As part of an 1898 campaign to curb the use of foul language in baseball, this memo was purportedly sent to every team. It stands as a fascinating record of Gay Nineties profanity, which doesn't actually sound outdated at all....
Saggy Pants Lead To College Football Player's Arrest In City Where Basically Everything Is Legal
Deshon Marman, a 20-year-old on the University of New Mexico football team, was arrested at San Francisco Airport yesterday after he refused to pull up his pants on an airplane:...
They Rioted In Vancouver Last Night, Eh
Don't ever let it be said that the fine people of Vancouver don't care enough about, oh, whatever, who knows what leads you to burn things after losing Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals. You just do....
Stay Soft, Dirk Nowitzki
Even before Dirk Nowitzki lifted a championship trophy on Sunday night, he was being held up as a new man. Nowitzki had reinvented himself, we were told. He'd finally "shed" the Euro-soft label plastered to him throughout his career and, to much adulation, morphed into the sort of rugged warrior tha...
Emotional Story Inspires ESPN Anchor To Quote Mariah Carey
There's a lot going on here. A lot of stimuli, you know. Let's break it down....
Brad Marchand Punching Daniel Sedin Like An Inflatable Clown, Set To An Adorable Child's Song
We came across this cute Canucks kid, doing his own version of a Twisted Sister classic. We spruced up the visuals....
New Jersey Man Threatens Lawsuit Because His Daughter Didn't Make The All-County Softball First Team
A high school softball player hits .571 (which was not, by the way, the best average on her team) with nine homers and 46 RBI, and she doesn't make the all-state team. Tough shit, homegirl, most would say. We've all had our disappointments, especially in high school. But our fathers never sued....
Yet Another Example Of Why You Should Not Stand Near Auto Races
This is driver Allan McNish, from today's 24 Hours of Le Mans race. Somewhat shockingly, he—and all the bystanders—were okay after the crash. The Audi R18, however, was not....
Bad Beats, Briefly: A Surefire Way To Lose Money In The Belmont Stakes
Hello, folks. Welcome back to Bad Beats, the column you visit for betting advice and sad tales of gambling woe. Read past Bad Beats here. Got any stories for us? Email us at [email protected]. Subject: Bad Beats....
Miami Heat Encourages Season Ticket Holders To Actually Be Fans Of Their Team
An anonymous tipster, who swears against having any actual association with the Miami Heat, sent along an email the team had sent out to its season ticket holders this afternoon in preparation for "THE SINGLE BIGGEST HOME GAME IN THE HISTORY OF THE FRANCHISE!"...
Joba Will Be Neithuh Startuh Nor Relievuh Fuh A While
Everybody's favorite so-so Yankee swingman, Joba Chamberlain, was diagnosed today with a torn elbow ligament that will likely require Tommy John surgery....
Charles Barkley: "Miami Has The Worst Fans"
Charles Barkley continued his righteous public crusade against all things Miami Heat today, when he spoke to the "Waddle & Silvy Show" on ESPN 1000. Nothing revolutionary here, just the special vindication that comes with hearing someone with a national audience say things that said audience has b...
Of Course Former MLB 1B Ben Broussard Is Somehow Connected To The Weiner Scandal
It wouldn't be a very good political scandal without a tenuous connection to a retired platoon player, now would it?...
Colt McCoy's Wife Says Texas Boosters Are Too Generous With Their "Fishing Trips And Hunts, Here Or There"
Here's Mrs. McCoy on ESPN's The Herd, doing some NCAA detective work: "You cannot expect 19, 20 year-old kids to say no to free stuff when they're in college." She says a bunch of McCoy's Texas teammates couldn't resist free stuff from agents or boosters....
JJ Barea's Sprite Ad In Puerto Rico Takes A Shot At El Ego De Kobe
There's a strange inter-endorsement battle taking place across the ocean on a billboard in Puerto Rico, where Sprite spokesman JJ Barea is quoted taking a shot at fellow Sprite spokesman Kobe Bryant. This sign, originally dug up by Bethlehem Shoals, translates to, "Only my ribs hurt, but for Kobe, i...
Boston's Nathan Horton Will Miss Remainder Of Stanley Cup Finals
Horton suffered a "severe concussion" from Aaron Rome's brutal late hit in Game 3 last night, and will be forced to sit for the remainder of the finals. Rome was ejected from the game and will meet with the NHL for a disciplinary hearing today. [SportingNews]...
LeBron James And The Mistaken Case Of The Shrinking Superstar
In last night's post-game press conference, CBS Sports controversialist Gregg Doyel took the mic and asked LeBron James about his fourth quarter performances in the postseason. The fourth quarter, Doyel suggested, is when "superstars become superstars" (a confusing idea of evolution in itself), an...
Mavericks Fan Sitting Behind George Lopez Speaks For All America
Your morning roundup for June 6, the day we learned the value of Bernie Madoff's underwear. H/T @bubbaprog, proprietor of mocksession.com, for accurately predicting what might tickle us this morning (and others for sending in their own grabs)....
Man Gets Wasted At Company Softball Game, Emails Company To Brag About DUI And Getting Kicked Out Of A Bar
If you're at a corporate softball outing with alcohol, it's best not to get totally smashed in front of all your co-workers, especially if you have work the next day. If you get totally smashed and have work the next day, it's best to call it a night. If you don't call it a night, it's best to avoid...
No, Wait, Maybe <i>This</i> Is The Worst Thing Ever To Come Out Of Boston
Reader Jeremy took issue with our description of this morning's Bruins/Ke$ha abortion, and sent along this Stygian nightmare. Did you know the Patriots had a musical response to the "Super Bowl Shuffle?" Now you do....