of Page 565 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
MLS Playoffs To Admit More Good Teams, Bad Teams, Possibly Your Grandmother
Getting into the MLS playoffs this year will be about as difficult as securing admission to the dogshit community college down the road from you. That's because the wise men who run the MLS have decided to let two more crap teams into a playoff system that not only confuses foreign players accustome...
Wisconsin Beats Michigan With A Banked-In Three-Pointer At The Buzzer
Wisconsin's Josh Gasser beat Michigan with this shot last night, and probably ended their chances at an at-large bid to the dance, too. The look on the Wolverines' faces after the shot says it all: there really is no more demoralizing ending to a basketball game, if you're not on the side that chu...
Carmelo Anthony Decided That New York Was The Place To "Bring My Talent"
In the Knicks' live press conference this afternoon, it took approximately two questions for Carmelo Anthony to explain that he had sat down with his family and made a "decision" (or a Decision?) to "bring [his] talent" to New York. He shall be known as LeCarmelo....
Italian Fans Will Miss Gallinari, Russians счастливый To See Mozgov Go, According To Ethnic Sources
Today's Times offers a second-day story on the Melo trade. You will best appreciate the piece if you read it in silly accents and embrace two of the ethnic stereotypes not often associated with the NBA!...
College High Jumper Protects Friend Who Pissed On A Liquor Store's Floor
Here's what the University of Iowa's track-and-field website says about Graham Valdes:...
Footage Shows Drunk Utah Linebacker Driving Wrong Way On Highway
A Utah state trooper pulled over to a car parked on the shoulder of S.R. 201 early Sunday morning — and facing in the wrong direction. The driver was an intoxicated University of Utah linebacker, Nai Fotu, who told the trooper he'd had "one beer, two beers" with his teammates at the University cam...
Lament Of The Knicks Fan Living Under The Specter Of Isiah
We see the masses in Tunisia, in Egypt, in Libya, and we rejoice. We rejoice for the rare illustration of that most deeply held human belief — that the people must not be subject to the leadership they do not choose. We rejoice, and yet we are conflicted, because we feel ground under a similar despo...
College Hockey Player Scores 195-Foot Shorthanded Goal
The University of Denver Pioneers men's hockey team had been on a two-game losing streak, but were up 2-1 less than five minutes into the second period. That's when freshman Dave Makowski fired a wrist shot from next to his goalkeeper. It traveled the length of the ice and went past Michigan Tech'...
Blake Griffin Interrupted The Crenshaw Choir To Jump Over A Kia
Your morning roundup for Feb. 20, the day autistic children surpass problem gamblers once and for all....
How The NBA Ruined The H-O-R-S-E Competition
This is Regressing, a numbers-minded column by our clever friends at the Harvard Sports Analysis Collective. Today: The NBA's H-O-R-S-E competition was doomed to fail....
Reggie Miller Shows What's Wrong With The Basketball Hall Of Fame
In his first year of eligibility, Reggie Miller didn't even qualify as a finalist for the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame. There's obviously a problem here, and it doesn't lie with Miller....
Goalkeeper Gets Sent Off After 10 Seconds Of Terrible Soccer
Ebbsfleet goalkeeper Preston Edwards was sent-off, but the true villain of the piece is the left-back. No.3 — damn right you should hold your head in your hands....
Tennessee's Scotty Hopson Disregards Human, Dunks
This would make a nice poster, what with the flat top and all. Hopson led the Vols with 23 points in a 73-67 win over South Carolina last night....
Hofstra's Charles Jenkins Hit A Game-Tying Three And A Game-Winning Three Last Night
Last night against William & Mary, Hofstra's Charles Jenkins knocked down a three to send the game into overtime, and then launched a game-winning 35-footer at the buzzer for the win. And you thought you'd never see a bona fide highlight from ye olde Colonial Athletic Association....
Don Mattingly Will Stop At Nothing To Find A World Series Ring
Your morning roundup for Feb. 16, a day after a guy from Texas retired from riding bicycles while wearing tights. Again....
The Rock Returns To Wrestling To Call John Cena A Tool
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson returned to WWE Raw last night for the first time in seven years. Why, you ask? To announce that he was hosting Wrestlemania 27 this April. Oh, and to talk shit about John Cena....
Isles Goon Runs Business More Successful Than His Own Team
Zenon Konopka, who leads the NHL in penalty minutes this year, is a grapeseed oil magnate. He makes and sells wine, too. Then, presumably, Sandis Ozolinsh drinks it. [AmEx Open Forum]...
From Bleacher Report To ProFootballTalk: A Brett Favre Non-Rumor Goes National
We've gotten the emails too: "Bret Favre to join Dancing With The Stars?" We ignored them until PFT posted the rumors early this morning. As fascinating as that would be, the tale of how the rumor made it this far is an even better story....
TCU Turns Down Wisconsin Game; To Continue Playing Little Sisters Of The Poor
With UNLV backing out of their commitment, Wisconsin has a schedule hole to fill. So does TCU. A third party approached both schools proposing they play the season opener in Madison, in a rematch of the Rose Bowl. Bret Bielema says it took him half a second to say yes. TCU said no....
The Pittsburgh Paper's Solution For Shut Out Super Bowl Fans Is One Big Conflict Of Interest
Yesterday, an unsigned editorial ran in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, decrying the NFL's offer of compensation to those fans whose Super Bowl seats were unavailable, and demanding that the league pay them as much as $50,000 each. The editorial failed to mention that one of the people affected by the ...