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The Comment Of The Week Will Never Feud With 50 Cent
Welcome to Deadspin's famed Comment of the Week feature, wherein we recognize some of Deadspin's wittiest and best-written comments from the week that was, and give away valuable mystery prizes....

The Rocket That Fell To Earth And Landed On Top Of Mike Piazza
Jeff Pearlman's "The Rocket That Fell To Earth" extinguishes the leftover burning embers of Roger Clemens' baseball dignity in one big 320-page stomp. But Mike Piazza won't be pleased with this book either....

A's, White Sox Honor Slain Oakland Policemen On Sunday
Ozzie Guillen: "It's a hard day for the Bay Area. If it's police or fireman or military and you take their life away because they're protecting our country, it's a sad thing." [San Francisco Chronicle]...

Look, Jackasses, KU Played Today. What The Shit Did You Expect?
Your beloved Comment Of The Week segment will appear Monday....

On Women's Basketball, Other Girls' Breast Sizes And The Mercury Cheerleaders
It's Waxing Off, the only weekly feature with a built-in GPS. This week's topic: Women's basketball, and why some actual women don't even seem to like it....

ESPN Poll: Bring Back The A-11 Offense, You Jerks
The NFHS rules committee that banned the A-11 offense in January is out of touch with the typical football fan, and probably evil, according to a recent ESPN poll....

Your NCAA Office Pool Is Illegal, And You Are Headed To Federal Prison
Washington State Gambling Spokeswoman Amy Hunter says that any March Madness bracket pools over $1 are a crime. I wonder how she feels about all the Indian casinos in that state? [Sports Radio Interviews]...

Terror At 92 Feet; Brave Cheerleading Squad Somehow Survives Being Stuck In Elevator
What happens when 19 college cheerleaders pile into an elevator, and it suddenly stops between floors? Here is a harrowing tale of technology gone horribly wrong, and of ultimate cheerleader triumph against all odds....

Mr. Armstrong Expresses Displeasure With The French In 130 Characters Or Less (With Update)
Perhaps no athlete has used Twitter to his advantage more than Lance Armstrong; his Twitter Army found his stolen bike, after all. Now, our hero Twitters his outrage at those who stole some his hair....

It's Time For The Only Bracket That Matters: 2009 Name Of The Year
If you're filling out your bracket and are looking for a dark horse, how about No. 8 seed Velvet Milkman? Oh, did I mention that this is the 2009 Name of the Year competition?...

The Glorious Return Of Fred Hickman
Rejoice, Braves fans. Fred Hickman, the man who set the ESPN record for absenteeism while a member of the WWL, is coming to your town. Until he inevitably gets fired, of course....

Here's Rhett Bomar Pissing In An Alley
The former Oklahoma University quarterback is doing what most of us do during St. Patrick's Day parades. Port-O-Potties are for suckers and sixth-rounders. [D magazine]...

OK, What's With All The Lesbian Gym Teachers Around Here?
The shocking truth: There may be lesbian physical education teachers in San Francisco Bay Area high schools, and they're diddling with students. And according to one law enforcement official, it's technology's fault....

Florida Kid Uses YouTube For Good, Not Evil
It's a cold world out there in these hard economic times, especially in the world of hockey. But meet Ben Gullett, who whipped up a unique scheme to help find his dad a new job....

The Lane Kiffin Era Continues Its Inexorable Slide Into Craziness
At last spring football has arrived in fair Knoxville, which surely means that rookie coach Lane Kiffin can leave all those little distractions behind and get down to some straight-up coachin', right? Right?...

When Lost In The Georgia Dome, Consult Your Nearest Cheerleader
Tyler Hansbrough went from victory to fail within seconds this afternoon, as he avoided being called for a critical foul in a last-second win over Virginia Tech, but then got lost leaving the court....

Curse Of The Colonel Update: Now PETA's Involved
Of course they are. The animal rights organization has sent an impassioned letter to the Chicago Cubs, advising them not to accept a Japanese baseball team's offer of a curse-breaking Kentucky Fried Chicken statue....

A Ladies' Primer On Bitter, Drunken March Madness Regret
It's Waxing Off, the feature that guarantees delivery in less than 30 minutes, or it's free. Today's topic: The NCAA Basketball Pool and the Brackets of Doom....

Introducing The Deadspin Comment Of The Week (Now With 100% More Prizes!)
Here in Deadspin Amalgamated Industries Co. Ltd's Chicago bureau, we've been working day-and-night to find a way to properly reward our occasionally-witty commenters for their hard work. We think we've got something....

Actually, It Should Be Changed to "Free Marko"
Newlywed Marko Jaric is the mystery Grizzlies player accused of sexual assault. What, Adriana Lima isn't good enough? [SI]...