off Page 137 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How The Patriots' Defense Put The Rams In A Trash Can
Okay, so Jared Goff looked lost and Sean McVay had no clue how to adjust and the Patriots basically needed just one touchdown drive to win another stinkin’ Super Bowl while also defeating what we all thought was the future of the NFL. So what did New England do that so panicked Goff and McVay? Mostl...
Jared Goff Blew It
We have to start with what should have been the Super Bowl’s first touchdown. Late in the third quarter, Robert Woods dragged a trio of defenders over to the left sideline while Brandin Cooks ran briefly uncovered into the end zone, only to go unseen by Jared Goff long enough for Jason McCourty to ...
Bill Belichick Stands Athwart The Future
When the most tedious Super Bowl in history had ended and you had picked up your jaw after learning that Tom Brady had not been named the game’s most valuable player out of desperation and habit, you realized that, fittingly, most people did not get what they wanted out of America’s Jesus-Free Chris...
The Rams Had No Answer For One Patriots Play
If you squint really hard, and maybe turn your head 75 degrees to the right, you could find an oasis of good football in the desert of crap that was Super Bowl 53. It didn’t come in the first half, which was the second-lowest scoring opening 30 minutes in Super Bowl history. And it didn’t come from ...
Where The Hell Was Todd Gurley?
The last thing anybody wants to hear on this awful Monday morning is “Bill Belichick takes away your best player,” but, uh, that’s exactly what he did to the Rams’ dismal offense in the Patriots’ 13-3 Super Bowl win. Nothing at all went right anywhere for Los Angeles when they had the ball, but thei...
Mondo Fucking Dumbass Insanely Wrong On Super Bowl Prediction
Here’s CBS NFL analyst Tony Romo, seer of seers, prognosticator of prognosticators, giving his Super Bowl prediction from last week. Check out Nostradamus over here!...
Well, That Sucked
At no time was Super Bowl 53 as compelling, entertaining, or satisfying as that video of a naked guy pooping while flipping into a lake. Sunday evening would have been better spent watching that again. But we watch the Super Bowls we are given, so our options are either to admire the defensive domin...
What Time Does 'What Time Does The Super Bowl Start?' Start?
The time has come once again for the “big game,” the football-related contest that surrounds every first Sunday of February, the race to the top for the big trophy. That trophy is, of course, dominance over other grimy web publications who engage in the now-annual, semi-hallowed practice of debasing...
I, The One Person Who Still Doesn't Believe In The Patriots, Know They'll Finally Be Exposed As A Sham In Their Third Straight Super Bowl
After my previous missive, one written before the New England Patriots defeated the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC title game and earned a trip to the Super Bowl, I had many common oafs criticize my prognostication through electronic mail and other various mediums. You lummox, these messages would st...
Hate The Patriots For The Right Reason
The idea as pitched was to do one more takeout of the essential evil that is the New England Patriots collective—because, yeah, that’s never been done before. Up until now, it’s been one hagiography after another, because the Patriots have been so damned cuddly and cheek-pinchable. The helmet logo i...
A Bunch Of People Close To The Saints Desperately Want Roger Goodell To Step In And Screw This Up
Late Thursday afternoon, Benjamin Watson put out an all-too-serious complaint about the blown pass interference/unnecessary roughness call the Saints didn’t get in the NFC Championship matchup against the Rams. In a screenshot posted on Twitter, Watson called on commissioner Roger Goodell to step i...
Let's Just Keep Doing This Shit Forever!
There’s no sense in waiting for it at this point. The New England Patriots, who have been shitting up the mid-winter for sports fans throughout this entire terrible millennium, are not remotely close to going away, not any more than, say, measles or famine are close to going away. They’re a problem,...
Dipshit Philly Columnist: I Know Roy Halladay's Desires Better Than His Wife And Family
Brandy Halladay, the widow of Hall of Fame pitcher Roy Halladay, announced Wednesday her family’s decision to have Roy’s bust in Cooperstown feature a blank cap, representing neither the Toronto Blue Jays nor the Philadelphia Phillies. The Halladays figure this way Roy can represent “something to a...
The Video Of Mariano Rivera Getting The Call From Cooperstown Is So Great
For all its oversights, Hall of Fame announcement day is a day of joy. As a fan, it’s a day to remember great players, and how much fun it was to watch them play, and, if you were lucky enough to root for a team of an inductee, to remember the specific moments that player brought you the deepest, pu...
Roy Halladay's Hats, Ranked
The late Roy Halladay earned a well-deserved first-ballot nod from the BBWAA on Tuesday, with 85.4 percent of voters enshrining him in the Baseball Hall of Fame. The two-time Cy Young winner Halladay enters Cooperstown with 203 career wins, 2,117 strikeouts, 64.3 WAR, and a whole lotta hats worn, as...
Barry Bonds And Roger Clemens Not Elected To Baseball Hall Of Fame
For the seventh straight year, the greatest hitter of all time and the greatest pitcher of his era will not be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens received 59.1 and 59.5 percent of the vote, respectively, short of the 75 percent needed to enter Cooperstown....
What Story Does The Baseball Hall Of Fame Want To Tell?
The National Baseball Hall of Fame is a museum commemorating a particular professional iteration of an old American game; the long room of bronze plaques featuring the ballplayers that various groups of voters have decided over the years have sufficient “fame” is a part of it, but also something ver...
Football Needs Blown Calls
To head off the inevitable whataboutism: Yes, the Rams got hosed too, by multiple missed penalties. But none of those were as blatant, as obvious in realtime, or as directly would have changed the outcome of the game, as the missed pass interference by Rams cornerback Nickell Robey-Coleman on Saints...
Todd Gurley Says He Didn't Play Much Because He Was "Sorry As Hell"
One of the weirdest things that happened during yesterday’s conference championship games was the disappearance of Rams star running back Todd Gurley. The franchise running back had a career-low five total touches from scrimmage, and spent most of the game standing on the sideline. His absence from ...