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The Dumbass Who Blamed Bryan Stow For Getting Beaten Into A Coma Wants To Watch Michael Vick Blow His Knees Out
Writes dumbass John Steigerwald about Michael Vick's $100 million contract, "Here's hoping he blows out his knee on his next snap."...

"God Made NASCAR," According To Pro-American Internet Commenters
Welcome to another installment of the Fox Nation commenter essays. Please prepare yourself for lots of caps lock....

Phillies OF John Mayberry, Jr. Has Requested That His Agents Set Him Up With The Sexy Mermaid From <i>Pirates Of The Caribbean</i>
John Mayberry, Jr. is a man who knows what he wants. One cannot, after all, become the Phillies' best pinch-hitter without knowing what he wants. But Mayberry is still missing something. Evidently, that something is the Sexy Mermaid from Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides....

Roger Goodell Enforces The Laws That Roger Goodell Came Up With Just Now
Jim Tressel followed in the footsteps of his protégé Terrelle Pryor by jumping to the NFL, and he's going to suffer silently on the sidelines along with him. Yesterday the Colts announced Tressel will sit out the first six weeks, a penalty that was self-imposed because the Commissioner's office was ...

Former Louisville Basketball Player Breaks Leg In Most Horrific Way Possible (Video)
Edgar Sosa, a former Louisville guard who's now playing for John Calipari's Dominican Republic team in the FIBA Americas Championship, broke his leg after going up for a shot in a game against Panama today. There's video here of the break itself and a look at the totally unnatural state of Sosa's ...

Jim Tressel Embarrasses Roger Goodell By Self-Imposing Goodell's Stupid Idea Of Justice
Has there ever been a string of punishments/non-punishments more baffling than Roger Goodell's recent run? Lacking a clear directive but wielding the personal-conduct policy like Zeus's discriminate lightning bolts, no one plays unless the Commish decides he's "ready," and the Commish doesn't have t...

Your College Football Night Games Open Thread
Nine Top 25 teams play tonight, including a pair of Top 20 matchups....

Your College Football Early Games Open Thread
It's the first big college-football Saturday of the season. Yay. No. 18 Ohio State, which lost its The in a haze of Tresselmanic scandal, plays Akron at noon (ESPN). Also at noon on the WWL, No. 23 Auburn hosts Utah State (2) and Northwestern visits Boston College (U)....

Is This Wisconsin OC Paul Chryst Drinking And Dipping His Way Through A 51 Point Outburst?
We saw Twitter buzz about this last night, but this morning a tipster who shall remain nameless ("College football fans are crazy. I don't need people tracking down my Facebook account or anything.") sent along two screengrabs of Wisconsin offensive coordinator Paul Chryst appearing to spit tobacco ...

Turns Out Ohio State Is Not Done Suspending Its Players For Minor Infractions
According to Doug Lesmerises of the Cleveland Plain Dealer, tOSU will make running back Jordan Hall, corner Travis Howard, and safety Corey Brown sit out its first game against Akron. You guessed it: "impermissible benefits of $300 or less at a charity event earlier this year." [@PDBuckeyes]...

Terrelle Pryor's Wonderlic Score Was Reportedly A 7 (UPDATE: Pryor Says 22)
The Raiders are praying that Terrelle Pryor's football IQ is higher than his actual IQ. According to Bob McGinn, the Packers beat writer for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Pryor scored a whopping 7 on his Wonderlic Test. (UPDATE: See below.)...

Dad Of The Year Referees Son's Street Fight, Attacks Kid After Son Loses
Before we dive in, let's play Ohio Or Florida! It's Florida....

Wow, LSU Players Really Fucked Up Those Guys In The Shady's Parking Lot (Allegedly)
When we brought you photos of Andrew Lowery, the Marine beaten up outside a Baton Rouge bar, it looked ugly: cuts, bruises, blood. When we brought you the police report, it sounded ugly: a man dragged from his vehicle, Lowery kicked in the face. But the medical reports are in, and it's uglier than w...

Tiki Barber Finally Proposes To Young Blonde Blamed For Destroying His First Marriage
Since Tiki's attempts at joining an NFL team this season appear to have stalled, he's got more time to focus on other things in his life like finalizing his divorce from his wife Ginny and making an honest gal out of 24-year-old Traci Johnson, the former NBC intern who stole his heart two years ago....

In 1964, USC Trojans In Training Had To Do A Whole Lot Of "Trotting"
It seems impossible now, but student-athletes were once students before they were athletes. And one of the coaching staff's main problems was to make sure their players stayed active over the summer. Training camp was only two weeks long, not nearly long enough to whip them into shape if they weren'...

Jim Tressel On Terrelle Pryor: "Love Conquers All"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Tressel will be spending his Saturdays at home for a while....

The Medical Board Says David Chao Is A Drunk. Former Patients Say He's A Quack. Why Is He An NFL Team Doctor?
The DEA says Dr. David Chao wrote himself illegal prescriptions more than a hundred times between 2008 and 2010. The California state medical board says he's an alcoholic and needs psychiatric help. Four former football players have sued Chao for malpractice, claiming he ended or shortened their car...

Johan Santana Wants To Seal The Testimony In His Ongoing Sexual Assault Lawsuit
New York Mets pitcher Johan Santana—forgive us if you didn't need that detail, but Santana hasn't pitched since the middle of last season—was accused last year of sexual assault on a golf course in October 2009. The woman said Santana approached her and raped her, as she was pleading with him to sto...

Ohio Man Rams A Store With A Semi Truck So He Can Steal An $800 Synthetic Vagina (UPDATE)
Ah, Ohio. Home of the drunken werewolf and the teacher who sprayed cops with her breast milk. Now the Smash and Grab Sex Toy Thief of Lorain County joins them....

Here Is Andy Samberg Playing Both 70s Bjorn Borg And John McEnroe On The Cover Of <em>NYT Magazine</em>
OK, this is kind of cool. Tennis and the New York Times being weirdly not-stodgy, everybody!...