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ESPN Book Excerpt: Keith Olbermann, The Asshole Genius
GQ called dibs on the first exclusive excerpt of the gigantic Miller-Shales ESPN oral history, Those Guys Have All The Fun, but we've been given an excerpt of their excerpt just because nobody wants us running any more unapproved excerpts. We'll play along. So read this, then pop over to GQ for the...

Watch People Cheer For A Suicidal Turtle At The Players Championship
Your morning roundup for May 15, the day Lazy Cakes, Kush Cakes and Lulla Pies start becoming Public Enemy Nos. 1-3....

Kyle Lohse Impersonates Tony La Russa (And All The Shingles Headlines We Opted Against Using)
• Kyle Lohse Was Just Missing A Shingle Thing In Today's Tony La Russa Impersonation • Kyle Lohse Shingles Out La Russa For Impersonation • Kyle Lohse Puts The Final Shingle On His La Russa Impersonation • Shingle File: Today In Tony La Russa Impersonations • Living Shingle: Kyle Lohse Does Tony L...

Announcer Stays Cool As Foul Ball Smashes Into Press Box
At a game last month, Southern Illinois University Edwardsville announcer Joe Pott maintained his composure and his baritone has a ball came through the window at him. Keep an eye on this guy, folks. [h/t Daryl]...

It Was Wrestling Mask Night In Anaheim
Your morning roundup for May 11, the day the pre-prom body cavity searches were called off....

You Can Usually Spot The Season Ticket Holders
[via StripClubWithStanton, h/t Smoot]...

Turkish Soccer Fans Injure 25 Police Officers Rather Than Let Visiting Fans Into Their Stadium
No, this is not footage of a coup d'état in Turkey, this is footage of the violence that broke out between soccer fans before the Bursaspor-Beşiktaş game this past Saturday. The Turkish Football Federation had to cancel the game after angry fans rioted, injuring 25 policemen....

Jim Tressel At Last Reaps The Whirlwind: A Five-Day Compliance Seminar In June In Tampa
That's part of his punishment for not snitching on his players, the AP reports. Five-day compliance seminar in June in Tampa. What a brutal phrase. It's hard to say what the worst part is. "Five-day"? "June in Tampa"? "Compliance seminar"? In terms of coiled, compressed misery, "five-day compliance ...

The Lakers Were Classless Yesterday, According To The Cue Cards Magic Johnson Is Reading
An alternate interpretation: "I am not. Reading from cue. Cards. Next card. I am saying. Original thoughts. That I have thought. I am doing. My very best. To sound somber and. Grave. By dramatically spacing. My words. Is it. Working."...

Phil Jackson Agrees That His Career Has Been The "Bee's Knees"
Your morning roundup for May 9, the day we learned of the Village tree thief....

The Pacquiao/Mosley Fight Ended Up Being NASCAR's Undercard Last Night
Your morning roundup for May 8, the day we watched the world's terroristic boogeyman watching himself and channel surfing like an Ritalin-addled preteen whose parents won't spring for a DVR....

Detroit Pitcher Justin Verlander Throws Second Career No-Hitter
In today's 9-0 win over the Toronto Blue Jays, Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander was within one walk of a perfect game. His first career no-hitter came against the Milwaukee Brewers in 2007....

Wild Australian Horse Decides To Run Away From A Steeplechase Course And Over The Crowd
Your morning roundup for May 6, the day Willie Mays becomes an octogenarian....

Gus Is Gone, But His Most Famous Calls Mashed Up With Internet Memes Lives On Forever
During the 2010 playoffs, David "Crashtern" Matthews, former Deadspin staffer and current production coordinator for the Sports Show with Norm Macdonald blog, put together a tribute for our man Gus, who we learned today is "parting ways" with CBS. It is Gus calling the O.J. chase, Gus calling the i...

Gus Is Gone!
Gus Johnson and CBS have parted ways. Sucks that he won't be around for the NCAA Tourney, but we'll survive. We'll still have Gus in our lives, doing boxing, football, olympics, whatever he chooses to do. It's not as if we only like Gus because of Len Elmore. [SI.com]...

Presenting The 18-Minute Video Of Shin-Soo Choo's Failed Roadside Sobriety Test
Your morning roundup for May 5, the day a former vice president wants you to thank "enhanced interrogation" for the current president's visit to Ground Zero....

Hey, There Was A No-Hitter Last Night
Francisco Liriano threw a no-no, and it feels like barely anyone's talking about it. Overshadowed by two sets of playoffs? The fact that it really wasn't a particularly dominant game?...

College Students Celebrate Bin Laden's Death With Patriotic Backflips, Nudity, Beer: A Gallery
In celebration of the fact that Osama bin Laden was announced dead last night, American college students everywhere took it upon themselves to riot in the streets, drunkenly yell their college rally chants on national television, and light couches on fire. Oh, America....

Kings Have At Least One More Year Of Mediocre Basketball Ahead Of Them In Sacramento
"We're going to stay in Sacramento for another year," Kings co-owner George Maloof said today. "We appreciate [the fans'] loyalty to the franchise, and we're going to give Mayor [Kevin] Johnson another try to hopefully bring his vision to reality with a new arena." The vision had better include mone...

In The Future, All Communications With Ohio State Will Be Via Billboard
It's always enjoyable to see OSU put their foot in their mouths, and it's even more fun to rub it in on the side of the highway. Hot on the heels of TCU's "Little Sisters of the Poor" billboards comes this simple-yet-effective taunt along I-94 in Michigan. [via]...