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Phoenix Suns' Big 3 will be put on hold...again
Welcome to Deadspin’s The Sports Nihilist, where all is for naught, and we are but accidental jolts of electrified meat stuck to the surface of a rock in an indifferent universe....

This week in sports: Patrick Mahomes' WR is a moron; Rick DeSantis does Rick DeSantis; Man United do themselves in
While it’s hard to resist the temptation to point out noticing when a team that has Matt Nagy anywhere near it is melting down, because I know it oh, so well, the Kansas City Chiefs have bigger problems than that. When everyone is blaming the refs over a totally correct call, it’s pretty obvious the...

This week in MLB: Does Shohei Ohtani really improve LA?; Julio Urias facing charges; Tyler Glasnow has a week to remember
Much like Susie Izzard (Drink!) says chiropractors “LIVE FOR THE NOISE!” I too live for the noise of the offseason. We can’t get much more than Shohei Ohtani and his reps donated to us, or at least their methods of sending the baseball press into orbit did. There should be much more to come, but the...

Can we please find a way to fire Dean Spanos, too?
With the Chargers season officially over, the team finally removed the tumor that was its coach and general manager, firing coach Brandon Staley and GM Tom Telesco. After another dismal showing, amid a depressing season that caps a now discontinued and pitiful tenure, the Chargers’ fortunes are sure...

Feeling glum about your NBA team this holiday season? Here's a wishlist that is sure to cheer you up (Maybe)
As the holidays near, it’s easy to imagine the wishlists of certain NBA teams across the league. We’ve highlighted what specific teams should be asking Santa to course-correct their season or become the contender we all expected. Let’s dive into the top 10. ...

After getting mauled by the Bucks, the Pacers found a veteran enforcer
Unsigned NBA wing James Johnson emerges from a cabin carrying a log. Meanwhile, on a television screen behind him, highlights of Giannis Antetokounpo hulking out on the sidelines and in the players’ tunnel repeats in a loop. ...

For a team that’s going for it, the Dodgers seem to be living on the edge
The Dodgers are certainly the story of the offseason already. Tends to happen when you sign the biggest free agent in history with the biggest contract in history that also is kind of the weirdest contract in history. They’re also not done, apparently. ...

An open invitation for Buster Posey to screw off
As we mentioned last night, the San Francisco Giants are in full ass-covering mode after missing out on their third prime free agent. They whiffed on Arson Aaron Judge, couldn’t get over Carlos Correa’s ankle, and then Shohei Ohtani figured out life is pretty easy when you don’t have to move and you...

The USWNT was the most harassed group in sports in 2023, and this, sadly, should surprise no one
On Monday, I wrote a column about being sick of the Kansas City Chiefs. As far as the things I write go, it was fairly light-hearted. No one was accused of anything heinous, it was mostly me whining about Patrick Mahomes throwing a fit at the end of Sunday’s game and how it’s impossible to avoid Tra...

The Oklahoma City Thunder successfully extort its way to a new arena
The Oklahoma City Thunder are getting a new arena and the team’s ownership group is contributing $50 million of the $900 million tab. The reputation of owner Clay Bennett, who was responsible for killing the Seattle Supersonics, preceded him, and 71 percent of Oklahoma City voters didn’t want to cal...

Chicago Bulls distracting fans from bleak present by reliving glory days
The Chicago Bulls just can’t stop living in the past. ...

Manchester United didn't even show up
They could have at least tried. ...

The Washington Wizards can't even tank properly
For some pro franchises, when it rains, it most certainly pours. The Washington Wizards entered the season with seemingly new life behind the acquisition of former Golden State Warrior Jordan Poole. Thus far, the tandem of Poole and Kyle Kuzma has been underwhelming, to say the least. The Wizards fe...

The Avalanche can still make it look easy. The problem is, they don't often seem to want to
It hasn’t been the smoothest season for the Colorado Avalanche. They still lead the Central Division, because the Central is the division where everyone has mittens pinned to their jackets year round. There’s the Dallas Stars, sort of, and then a bunch of teams trying to figure out how doorknobs wo...

Tommy DeVito, Daniel Jones and the stupidity of the New York Giants’ QB room
Of all the moronic ways the first season of Daniel Jones’ four-year, $160 million contract could play out, this might be the dumbest. Not only did he go down for the year after two TDs and six picks in five and a half starts, but the team’s third-string QB took over the fanbase and maybe the locker ...

Ranking the NBA's rookie class so far (And No. 1 is not who you think it is)
With all the hyperbole around Victor Wembanyama being the next generational talent, it’s fair no one expected competition against him winning Rookie of the Year Award. But after sitting all last season due to an early leg injury — Chet Holmgren has beaten the injury-prone allegations to emerge as th...

There is nothing wrong with Shohei Ohtani's salary deferment
The numbers finally came in on Shohei Ohtani’s deal with the Dodgers and the Dodgers finally announced it themselves, and it’s a bit of a doozy. Ohtani will be deferring $68 million of his $70 million annual salary until the 10 years after his 10-year deal. The $2 million salary is fine for him give...

So how much does Shohei Ohtani really improve the Los Angeles Dodgers in 2024?
Much like Susie Izzard (Drink!) says chiropractors “LIVE FOR THE NOISE!” I too live for the noise of the offseason. We can’t get much more than Shohei Ohtani and his reps donated to us, or at least their methods of sending the baseball press into orbit did. There should be much more to come, but the...

God, I’m sick of the Kansas City Chiefs
Full disclosure, I’ve never been on board with the Kansas City Chiefs. Sure, they were, for a while, the best team in America, with a young and exciting generational talent under center and a head coach who never had to answer for anything because he wears Hawaiian shirts, has a funny mustache, and ...

LeBron James proved the Lakers still have life by winning the NBA’s early bird special tournament
The Los Angeles Lakers added another trophy to their overflowing stockpile, LeBron James added another accolade to his stuffed resume and all’s right with the world. After Shohei Ohtani joined the Dodgers, the City of Champions had even more reason to celebrate Saturday when the Lakers ran away with...