on Page 5634 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Devin Hester Is New Monthly Daddy Columnist For <em>Chicago Parent</em>
"Hangin' with Devin" will debut in April. Hopefully, New York Parent will let Antonio Cromartie begin his own column titled "Hangin' With Jurzie, Alonzo, Caris, Antonio, Jr., Tyler, Leilani, London, Daughter, and Whatsherface?" soon. [Chicago Parent]...

Phil Jackson: "The Heat Won't Get By Boston"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Jackson's not worried about Miami's Big Three....

Ripped from the Headlines: Your Hardest News Roundup
This week in your newsiest roundup, North Korean Supreme Commander Kim Jong Il signs on for a starring role alongside Gary Oldman and Morgan Freeman, and the nation's idiots obtain minor lacerations due to the latest SNOWLOCAUST!...

The Novitzky Scalps
Barry Bonds: Charged with four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice for telling a federal grand jury he never knowingly used steroids. The substance he's accused of taking, The Clear, was neither illegal nor specifically banned by baseball at the time of his testimony. Trial is ...

Ted Thompson Owes Skippy Bayless A Cockpunch
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

Your Vile, Insensitive Comments Have Been Put On Notice, Swine
"For a site whose taste is questioned regularly, the entry lacked the snark and ridicule the site makes its bones with. When one scrolls down to the comment section, however, humanity quickly fades." boomroasted[HuffyPo]...

Blake Griffin's Rookie Card Is Quickly Becoming Very Expensive
"[C]urrent asking prices for that card, or variations of it, have reached as high as $14,999."[The Knight's Lance]...

Last Night's Winner: Crushed Up Deer Antler Steroid Spray
The NFL has ordered new Raiders coach Hue Jackson to end his relationship with "The Ultimate Spray." You'd think it's because the spray contains a banned substance that's almost impossible to test for, but no. It's just procedural stuff....

Eric Cantona Crowned King Of New York Or Something
The New York Cosmos — essentially a 1970s forerunner to that Carlsberg advert with the pub team — are BACK, according to Eric Cantona. He's been appointed director of soccer — which has no real meaning — and said this about it:...

Blake Griffin Will Be A Clipper For Life, Clippers Threaten
Says Neil Olshey, general manager of the Donald Sterling Tax Write-Offs: "I can guarantee you he will only ever be a Clipper." Meanwhile, Blake Griffin did this last night. [Slam]...

Cleveland Browns Inspire Impressive Radio Meltdown
A particularly choice radio rant, rivaling Chad Dukes's "Get 'Em" tirade. Best moments: fans are blind sheep and born losers, the owners are the devil, and Al Lerner is "down in hell laughing with Satan." Yikes....

Rex Ryan Should Have Kept The Stache And Dropped The Motto
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

"You Guys Are Little Bitches," Said Amani Toomer To His Roller-Hockey Opponents
A brief story about the former Giants wide receiver and his roller-hockey league (!) in Wallington, N.J., courtesy a twice-forwarded email....

Carmelo Anthony Will Not Be Joining The Nets
Melo to the Nets is dead. Said Mikhail Prokhorov, "I never met with Carmelo and I never spoke with him. Maybe he sent me an email, but I didn't see it. Or maybe the carrier pigeon got lost."...

Peyton Hillis Is OK With Being Called Chuck Norris
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the life of a white running back....

There Are Photos For Sale Of Tennis Pros Getting A Lap Dance, Menstruating
Back into the shit-pit we dive. An enterprising amateur photographer asks if we'd like to spend our scuzz-money on some awful photos of two professional tennis players. Vamanos....

NFL Scrubs Concussion Allusions From Even Car Commercials
Under pressure from the NFL, Toyota was forced to edit a commercial that showed a helmet-to-helmet tackle, even though the ad was about helping to prevent brain injuries in football....

Smart People Talk About <em>Sports Illustrated</em>'s 1968 Series About Black Athletes
On Monday, we excerpted from Jack Olsen's 1968 Sports Illustrated series, "The Black Athlete—A Shameful Story." Slate's Hang Up and Listen podcast discusses those stories with one of Olsen's subjects, Donald Smith (now Zaid Abdul-Aziz). Go listen....

Tom Jackson Is An Insane Person
Okay, so here's Tom Jackson saying he picked New England this weekend to motivate the Jets. When did Jackson become a fucking nutbar?...

Necking In A Car Can Ruin Your Transfer
Yesterday afternoon, La Salle University announced that Nebraska sophomore Christian Standhardinger would be transferring. A couple hours later, they said "you know what, never mind." All because of a shirtless, pantsless romp in the park after dark....