on Page 5701 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

No, ESPN Did Not Tell The MNF Coaches To Take Timeouts (UPDATE)
Paranoia swept the blogosphere this morning, as word spread like wildfire that ESPN had told the Jaguars and Titans to use their timeouts at the end of a blowout to get more commercial breaks. Great story. Too bad it's not true....

Fans Taunt Canadian Football Team, Team Responds With Fists
A brawl broke out during an Ontario junior league football game between the Hamilton Hurricanes and the St. Leonard Cougars this weekend. Hamilton, Ont., police are not yet investigating as no charges have been filed. [The Spec; video via]...

Our Resident Sex Addict Settles A Bet Regarding Decuple Penetration
Before we get to the funbag, a quick announcement: From now on, every funbag will end with the Email Of The Week. The person who sends the winning email each week gets a prize. IT'S TRUE! Not only do you get to experience the glory of being immortalized forever in funbag form, but you also get a ran...

This Dude Has A Religious Experience With Madden
Greg Jennings goes 99 yards on a broken leg. Exciting, if it were real and not a video game. But that doesn't stop him from creaming his pants over it. [VERY NSFW LANGUAGE]...

Video: We Ask Jose Canseco About His Missing Chandeliers
Earlier today, I scuttled over to 8th and Broadway in Manhattan. The goal: ask Jose Canseco if he'd gotten his "chandeleers" back. Was it a success? Yes. Yes, it was. As much as anything involving Jose Canseco can be called a success....

Backheel Goal Scorer Returns With More Fancy Goal Scorin'
Another all-worldie from Irish striker Matty Burrows of Glentoran FC. The terrible goalkeeping sort of takes the shine off this one, though....

Goddamnit It, America
You could have watched an exciting, important game, a tense changing of the guard of the best playoff pitchers ever. Or you could have watched Kerry Collins and Trent Edwards trade handoffs in a meanlingless AFC South contest. Guess which you chose....

Last Night's Winner: None More Black (Quarterbacks)
After Vince Young and David Garrard exited with injuries, week 6 saw only three black QBs finish the game for their team — easily the lowest number since people started noting this sort of thing. Maybe Rush Limbaugh is last night's winner....

Cliff Lee Dropping His Crotch On Brett Gardner's Head Seems Like A Metaphor Of Some Kind
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Perhaps The Yankees Could Use This Inspiration From The Late MC Freddy Sez
The Yankees are now down 2-1 in the ALCS. In August, Freddy Sez got to meet with Robinson Cano, and this gem of a moment was caught on tape. Skip to 1:35 for "a little rap that I made myself."...

Cody Ross’s Postseason Surge Offers Baseball Writers Their First Rodeo For Rodeo Puns
If you haven't already heard from Buck and McCarver that San Francisco's Cody Ross grew up with the dream of becoming a rodeo clown, these writers are here to hammer it into you with close, dull blows to the head....

Bill Self Dresses Up As One-Hit Wonder Vanilla Ice For Kansas's Late Night In The Phog
Kansas coach Bill Self told 16,500 fans that the 2008 title "was great," but it's time to "cut down some more nets." Then, the one-time champion came out dressed as Vanilla Ice, who some might call a one-hit wonder....

Teenage Axl Rose Has A Mug Shot That, It Seems To Me, Reminds Me Of Childhood Memories
A few years ago, John Jeremiah Sullivan wrote a feature for GQ that was either a profile of Axl Rose as seen through the prism of Indiana or a profile of Indiana as seen through the prism of Axl Rose. In any case, it was great. The mug shot here is one of two Sullivan wheedled out of the Lafayette p...

With $110 Million Settlement, Elin Nordegren Can Finally Replace That Busted Car Window
Elin Nordegren reportedly received $110 million in her divorce settlement. That's 11 times more than No. 1 mistress Rachel Uchitel received from No. 2 golfer Tiger Woods. In a just world, it would have been 17 times more. Or 19?...

Your "Will The AL Ever Have A Pitchers' Duel?" Rangers-Yankees Open Thread
Cliff Lee throws a perfect game every time out. Andy Pettitte can make the Hall of Fame with a win, says Reggie Jackson. Tonight we decide whether A.J. Burnett's game 4 loss will make the series 3-1 or 2-2. To the comments....

Here's The Highly Amusing MIT "Fuck List"
Of course, The Smoking Gun got their sleuthy little hands on it before our I-team did. And, just as we suspected, it's predictably 70's, with a cute little *** ratings system and silly cartoons....

This Seven-Person Leapfrog Dunk Is Exceptional
Pepperdine guard Keion Bell put himself on the map this weekend as one of college basketball's best showmen. The leapfrog dunk might not even be the best one. [Rush The Court]...

Matt Schaub And The Texans Had A Moment Yesterday
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Texans quarterback Matt Schaub....

The Cowboys Almost Make You Feel Sorry For Them
To half of your Deadspin editors they're divisional rivals, and to the other half they're "those motherfucking Cowboys," so there's no hidden sympathies here. But should we laugh at Wade Phillips's constant befuddlement and Jerry Jones's impotent rage? Or feel pity?...

Rick Pitino Screws Common Decency On A Restaurant Floor, So To Speak
Louisville has offered a scholarship to former Wake Forest center Tony Woods, last seen fracturing his girlfriend's spine. You can rest assured Rick Pitino will find a way to compare this to 9/11. [The Dagger]...