on Page 5762 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Pudgy Philly Puker To The Pokey
Matthew Clemmens will spend 60 to 90 days in jail, and do community service (the judge suggested cleaning bathrooms at Citizens Bank Park) after pleading guilty to assault, harassment and disorderly conduct. We're awaiting comment from crazy uncle Dave. [Inquirer]...

LeBron Jersey Guy Speaks, Confirming Everything We Thought About Him
Matthew Bellamy is back for his third day of Internet fame, doing local news and posting abrasive Facebook messages. We've been told not to use the word "douchebag" on the site, but...I don't know how to finish that sentence....

Is Bryce Harper's Facebook Page Real?
The Washington Post asks the same question, but Harper's page appears to be so good it has to be a parody. Whoever it is, they sure love putting exclamation points and various : ) emoticons in their updates. Maybe he's a 13-year-old girl?...

Rony Seikaly Thinks John Salley Is A Brilliant Storyteller
The former Heat center vehemently denies the conversation John Salley relayed in last week's introductory "John Salley Story Corner." Great start!...

Final Jeopardy Exposes One Poor Woman Who Knows Nothing About Sports
It was a sports question for Final Jeopardy last night! How do you think you'll do? Better than Meg, probably. The full question is after the jump, but rest assured, the answer is not the Jacksonville Panthers....

Vernon Davis And Aaron Maybin Enjoy Stripper-Laced Vacation
In the past, NFL players had the luxury of a slower news cycle and no threat of grainy cellphone pictures—Joe Namath and Dan Fouts could attend a key party in peace, damnit. Those days are long, long gone....

Raul Ibanez's Hitting Makes Another Philly Fan Cry
But this time it's tears of joy for a girl who caught his home run ball, not tears of "we're paying him how much next year?"...

Last Night's (And Every Night's) Winner: Soccer Players Who Don't Live In North Korea
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like World Cup squads not from secretive despotic nations, who probably weren't subjected to a six-hour public humiliation upon their return from South Africa like the North Koreans were....

Tan, Large-Breasted Brazilian Runs On The Field
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Man In A Banana Suit Using A Citi Field Urinal? Man In A Banana Suit Using A Citi Field Urinal.
When you're emailed a picture with the subject line "Mets game tonight" and the body reads "Banana suit" and the text is highlighted, you post the picture of the man wearing a banana suit using the urinal at Citi Field....

The Scapegoating Of Arash Markazi
I suppose ESPN's explanation here is reasonable, but is it any less damning than all those black-helicopter theories floating around for the WWL to say, in essence, "Our glimpses into the lives of famous people must be authorized"?...

Tim Tebow Rich In Spirit, Actual Money
The Broncos inked their 4-snaps-a-game QB of the future to 5 years, $33 million (max) — $8.7 million guaranteed. That's a lot of tithing....

Female Kickboxer Is Killed At Sloppily Organized Tournament
Sunday in Orlando, Lindsay Scheer fought Adrienne Simmons in the Muay Thai lightweight women's final of the International Kickboxing Federation National Amateur Tournament. The two women were not evenly matched. Lindsay Scheer won the fight. Adrienne Simmons died....

Jack Tatum Wasn't A Good Person, Says Steve Grogan
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: former Patriots Super Bowl losing quarterback Steve Grogan....

Attention Nationals Fans: You Don't Deserve Stephen Strasburg (Disappointed Newlywed Update)
I don't mean that in some kind of larger, cosmic sense. I just mean that if you came out to the ballpark Tuesday, expecting to see Strasburg pitch, the team doesn't owe you anything after scratching him from his start....

The LeBron Jersey Guy From The Indians Game Speaks!
Matt Bellamy, who riled up an entire city, says he'd move to Florida too if he could find a way. But the siren song of Sandusky is too strong! [Cleveland Frowns]...

Lucky Underwear Will Save Us All
Science has finally proven that Jason Giambi's slump-busting thong is not weird, but a legitimate form of slump-busting. Thank you, science, for making us all picture Jason Giambi in a thong again. [Well]...

ESPN Killed That LeBron Story Because Reporter "Did Not Properly Identify Himself" (UPDATES)
ESPN now says in a statement that Arash Markazi's LeBacchanalia story was pulled because "Arash did not ... clearly state his intentions to write a story." Full statements are below, as is Rob King's explanation for how the story was mistakenly published....

Can Black Men Be Douchebags? Oh, Yes
I ate corn on the cob the other night. I had to shuck it before I could wrap it with butter in foil and throw it in the grill. I can't for the life of me shuck an ear of corn and get ALL the corn strings off. It's fucking impossible. If anyone has tips to rid the world of corn strings, I'm all ears....

Young Man United Lad Scores A Really Lovely Goal
Tom Cleverley: remember the name. He scored a goal in the match against the MLS All Stars, which would be described in America as "awesome", or "win!", or "neat", or "rad"....